Day 5: 30 Days of Gratitude

Day 5: A few weeks ago I decided to make myself a massage appointment. I told myself I'd earned one and I'd do without some other things so as not to upset the budget. Then, as is often the case when I make plans for myself, I totally forgot about it! When they called to confirm my appointment I felt excited, but almost immediately guilty. Sneaking off at dinner time to spend real money on myself for a luxury. Tsk-tsk, me.

I felt like a criminal warming up leftovers, switching on a movie and running out the door. That is just how Mike found them happily eating and watching a few minutes later when he wrapped up what he was working on and came to check. The whole drive I was nervous. This wasn't my first massage (although it had been years) so I think it had to do with time of day and money.

Once I got in the room and began chatting with the message therapist I had (as I so often encourage my kids to do) an attitude adjustment. I heard my physical complaints coming out of my mouth not in a whine, but as if they were items on a grocery list. I heard myself listing recent major stresses and my eyes begun to well up with tears. As my friend in L.A. used to remark so evenly "Well Katie, that's a lot." Yes, yes it is.

I absolutely earned this. I deserve to be in less pain. I have a right to take care of myself. I did a good thing by making the appointment. After an hour of deep tissue I felt much better, but it was obvious we weren't going to work out everything in one session. When I checked out I explored my options. Wouldn't you know it, they had a plan with discounted messages if you commit to at least one a month for a year. Not only did that sound entirely necessary and reasonable (especially, now that hospital bills, doctor co-pays etc are starting to die down), but for signing up I also got an additional discount on the message I just received.

I booked another appointment for Friday and went home to help put kids to bed. I was hungry and sleepy post massage, but my temper that had been so close to the surface was non-existant as I asked Riley for the fifth time to put her socks in the hamper and get in the tub. I felt more fluidity of movement than I can remember having before, but mostly I just felt like my mind was clearer. I got Riley out of the tub, into pajamas and into bed for a story and the smile never left my face. Evenings are always so hard because I'm tired and either the pain is worse or I've been tolerating it too long. I even ate all of the dinner Mike made me which is a change since my appetite's been super low lately.

I felt like I needed to keep the secret of my massage and committing to more of them, but then I realized no one was judging me except me. Mike thought it was a great idea for me to start going at least once a month. He was happy I felt better and glad I got a good deal. My next appointment is during the day though, I wrote it right into my to do list!