Surgery Behind the Scenes

I watch Grey's Anatomy alot. So, I kept imagining my surgery from a a TV doctor's prospective (although my Ortho is certainly no McDreamy). I imagined how I'd be laying face down on the operating table and they would have those blue things with the hole cut in it revealing my spine.

To be clear I'd imagine all this in great medical show detail for about a minute or two, get completely freaked out and refuse to think about it anymore. I mean it's all well and good to watch celebrities pretend to undergo experimental brain operations, but I miss the days when I was a kid and had no idea what happened between "falling asleep" and waking up in the recovery room.

They told me to be to the hospital at 6am Monday morning. I hate being a grown up, I really truly do at moments like that. Wake up early and proceed in orderly fashion to the last place on earth you'd want to be. This time I kept thinking "they never show this part on tv."

First, no one ever complains about being starving on the doctor shows even though you can't eat after midnight the night before you have surgery. Which makes for another one of those being grown up sucks moment. I was hungry, but most of all I was thirsty! I woke up at 2am with cotton mouth wishing I had chugged some water at 11:30p.

So, now I'm tired, anxious and starving and marching off to have a major operation. They admitted me, tagged me like a deer on a nature preserve and sent me for another CT scan. The tech from the one I had 48hrs before came in and asked why I was being subjected to another one. All we could come up with between us was that this was a slightly more detailed picture on this particular machine. Fussy, surgeons!

Back to pre-op waiting area after that. I got weighed and measured, gave blood and urine, changed into a stylish gown and was put on iv fluids. Mike, Riley and I hunkered down for what was at this point supposed to be a 5hr wait. I fed the baby, zoned in and out on the very limited television options and waited.

At the 4hr mark the anesthesiologist came in. This is customary, however the conversation that followed was NOT.

Exit Mike to get a drink.
Enter Dr. "I think I'm being helpful, by really telling it like is"
DR: Oh! Hi, I saw you over here with the baby, but I didn't think it was you having this procedure.
(I assume because my age, but I wasn't sure)
DR: This is a major surgery you know.
Me: Yes. (laughing) It's hard to take metal being inserted into the spinal column lightly.
Dr: I'm serious.
Me: I know.
Dr: Are you sure you want to do this? One of the risks is that you could wake up blind.
Me: What?
Dr: From laying face down and all the blood draining down with gravity and pooling for so long. Blindness is a risk.
Me: Well, my surgeon specializes in this procedure.
Dr: (back pedaling a bit) Oh, yes! Well, if you're gonna do it you've got the right guy. How old is your baby?
Me: 9mo.
Dr: Why are doing this now?
Me: (taken aback)...pain
Dr: Oh.
Enter pleasant woman with GIANT syringe
Woman: Hi.
Me: (eyes locked on syringe) um, hi (starting to wonder why getting a soda is taking so long)
Woman: I need to start another I.V. (gesturing towards syringe) and get some blood
Me: (Turning pail) Sigh...You asked whether I was sure before the giant syringe, second IV, needing more blood information
DR: Oh, are you reconsidering (now he smiles)
Enter Mike in time to watch all the fun.

Now, Dr. Helpy Helpenstein apparently prescribed anti-anxiety meds and pain killers after our little talk. The nurse informed me very matter of factly that she was going to give me these things. I looked at Mike and the baby then back at the nurse. We had a discussion and decided to forgo anti anxiety meds and save the pain meds for the last minunte.

At this point we still believed I was going into surgery at noon. So, we waited some more I fed the baby and ignored some more TV. At 5min till 12:00 when I was sure the baby had her fill I consented reluctantly to the pain meds. I really hate that crap by the way. So, we keep waiting. Now. I'm doopey, pissed off, exhausted, starving and unable to feed the baby.

The nurse called down to the OR a couple times for updates and the Ortho was still going strong on his first case. Mike and I started to worry I'd get bumped after all this. Just before 5pm word came that he'd finished the first case.

Now his "team" came parading through the now empty pre-op waiting area all smiles. Dr. Helpful was not among them thank God. We all had a nice chat and then they gave 5min to pump what I could before having to lay boob down for many hours. I hugged and kissed Mike and Riley. Then the nice young anesthesiologist said "Ok, I have some happy juice for ya."

I don't remember anything after that...