Changes...

Huge changes have been taking place. At least they feel huge to me. We've seen a huge drop in Isaac's over emotional outbursts and Riley's begun to treasure her independence much more. I had been considering kindergarten and middle school options as they're coming up fast. I told myself I'd investigate after our theme park trip. Sure enough the very next day Riley's wonderful daycare provider/teacher informed me she was going to stop providing care at the end of the month. To say I'd been spoiled is an understatement. Riley has been 10min away in the care of someone we consider family. She's gone to school part time with two of her best friends (they've literally known each other their whole lives) for years. I've never had to worry or second guess. All good things, you know.

I found myself contacting a kindergarten and a pre-school in the same day. Woah! Holy emotional mom, Batman! I want to make the right choices for my kids, but it's so hard to accept change when it forces you to see how much they've grown up. The preschool I like considers her an "older 3." Woah! It is a bit of a drive, but I'm trying to work out a schedule so grandma picks up or drops off part of the time. I've had the ideal scenario a long time so I was prepared for compromises (on convenience not level of care). I'm touring the pre-school a week from Wednesday. If we like it she can stay through VPK.

I was very impressed with the kindergarten (over the phone) and I'll go see it on Friday. I know it's a long way off, but it feels important to be prepared. I want her to love school. In the midst of school choosing she informs me in a very grown-up girl way she'd like to get a hair cut. What?!? Riding theme parks rides alone, getting ready for a new school AND a haircut? There's no baby here. Sigh.

Isaac's trickier because I really like his regular teachers and his school in general, but his gifted teacher is a joke. He's bored and I'm afraid he'll burn out. He never has behavior issues when he does science camp over the summers. I'm hoping to find him a magnet program that will engage him like science camp. Middle school is tough and I want him to have common ground with his peers. Again, I know it's a while off, but like Riley's kindergarten it feels like a huge decision. Probably because it is.

I feel like I spend a good deal of time wishing my kids would just "grow up" and a significant amount of time wishing I could keep them the way they are longer. It's strange that I'll have one going into kindergarten and one going into middle school soon. I was so new to parenting when Isaac started kindergarten. Now he's getting ready to finish elementary school all together. Where did all that time go? Any day now he'll be dating and asking to borrow the car...

Kindergarten

4th Garde

Theme Park: Things We Did Right Edition

First of all, someone else paid for the tickets. (: Ours were a Christmas gift, but in all seriousness look for deals. There are always breaks on tickets for any given theme park (pay for a day and get a year, kids are free, etc). We considered crowds, school schedules and weather. We went on a Wednesday (least crowded day) in February (cooler weather & prior to spring breaks). We dressed the kids in bright colors, yellow shirts, so they'd be easy to spot. We made sure we had cash for parking and miscellaneous. We put books and dry erase boards in the backseat for the drive. My camera got fresh batteries and I packed spare clothes and a towel. You never know when there will be an accident, spill or sprinkler to run through. I also put two packs of wet wipes in the car. If you're going anywhere during a hotter time of year put a damp cool cloth in a baggie (you can even freeze it over night). Take turns putting the cloth on the back of everyone's necks. Usually the water fountain water is cool enough to wet them with throughout the day. We put a coat of sunscreen on everyone before we left and brought the bottle for touch ups at lunch.

Speaking of lunch, I packed one in a thermal bag. I brought 8 juice boxes (so we'd have extra for the ride home if we wanted them), a water cup for each kid, 2 cans of Coke, a Tupperware of melon, 4 clementines, fruit snacks, 4 ham sandwiches, a handful of granola bars, graham and regular crackers. I brought one water cup and crackers into the park for snacks, but left everything else in the car. When we got hungry we got our hands stamped and went out to the car. I opened up the back and passed out the food. It was a lovely picnic. Everyone was full (even Isaac!!) and the break from all the stimulation helped us decompress for a bit. Plus we had what we liked rather than being hostage to the one or two overpriced kids meal options.

Aside from preparedness and getting your stuff in order I learned from past experience to adjust my expectations. It's like when you take your kid to a nice restaurant and they insist on ordering a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for $12. You may spend big bucks to take them to a fancy theme park, museum or zoo, but they are going to want to spend most of their time on playground equipment you could have visited for free any day of the week. Don't try to talk them out of it, you'll lose. Just adjust your expectations. Plan on spending a large portion of the day watching their yellow shirts dart around and climb. There are lots of things to do, but they want to hang out in the glorified sand box, no problem. That's the way it is for now, when they get older theme parks will be much more of a blur of fast paced rides. I'm grateful for the small breaks (and happy kids).

Speaking of gratitude, I started the habit of periodically asking the kids what they are grateful for during high excitement events. It keeps things in better perspective for them. On the car ride to the park I asked if they had "thankful hearts" (Veggie Tales language). We discussed how lucky they were to skip school on a Wednesday and take this trip. We talked about how not everyone's Mom and Dad could do that, either. We talked about how big and well behaved they'd been. We told them if they were good here we'd be able to take them other fun places. We also discussed what they were grateful for at the mid point of the day when we had our lunch. I will point out I hadn't had a single fit or demand from a kid at that point (Mike was a different story). We thanked them for their good behavior repeatedly. We also talked about how grateful we were were and what our favorite things were at the end of the day driving home. I was really pleased that no one got upset when it was time to go either. Isaac liked two of the roller coasters best. Riley liked "The flowers shaped like butterflies and the hippo ride". Mike and I agreed the Sesame Street show was the highlight.

We "took turns" a lot because the kids age difference. One kid would wait while the other rode something a lot. I think the merry-go-round and sky ride were the only rides we were able to go on as a family. Isaac wanted to ride roller coasters and he was tall enough for all but one. Most of the rides in the park refused Riley (unfairly in some cases), but there were scattered rides for people under 50" ONLY. This meant Riley had to ride them herself. It made her feel grown up, but it meant we split up a lot. No one complained though. If Riley had to sit out I'd give her some crackers and make up people watching games. She played with the penny machine in picture for about 20min at one point. Aside from the first time we separated and Mike ended up with all the money and I couldn't get Riley's face painted, we did great. Not to worry, we went back and got it painted later.

30 Again

I know women as a gender seem to prefer to ignore their birthdays, but not me. I told my friend (who was teasing me about my birthday countdown on social media) that I see it as a product of healthy self-esteem. I am very glad I was born. Be enthusiastic and a little self-centered on the day you were born, it's only once a year. I'm not celebrating being 30 again because I feel 31 is something to be ashamed of. I'm just giving 31 the attention usually given to a 30th birthday because there was a wedding pending, an illness and a new baby last year instead of a big party. As an adult I have most certainly NOT required a party every year. Usually, dinner out and a card or two are just fine, but 30 is a milestone and it needed to be acknowledged.

So, rather than recant some "Before I Turn 30" list and bemoan missed opportunities I thought I'd list what I've accomplished to this point (toot, toot) whether I meant to or not. Here goes:

• Got a poem published
• Made Homecoming Court senior year (I know it sounds shallow, but it was a huge deal to me)
• Graduated High school in top 5% of my class
• Got Accepted (And paid my own way) through an amazing conservatory style theatre program
• Spent a semester in Ireland (that included St. Patrick's Day & My 21st Birthday!)
• SURVIVED being struck by a bus as a pedestrian
• Wrote a play
• Graduated with my BFA in 4yrs
• Lived in NYC for a whole year
• Played the lead in a new play (with the playwright's seal of approval)
• Got my driver's license (at 23yr old- it was a big deal)
• Moved to L.A.
• Went to the OTHER Disney
• Did my first independent film
• Got a role on a TV show
• Became a mother
• Survived MAJOR back surgery
• Took a cruise
• Visited Mayan ruins in Mexico
• Paid off my car
• Got married/planned a wedding
• Took my family on a cross country vacation
• Had a blog post re-published
• Started a business (that flopped)
• Learned the ins and outs of couponing

As you can see there's more to do, but my quarter life hasn't left an extensive bucket list. As always I think it best to "just keep swimming". These are, of course, the highlights (as I see them). There is still a good deal of the world left to see and many more adventures to pursue.

Just Another Girl On A Stage

I've been listening to old Cds in the car lately (I know so 90's of me). Ever notice how song lyrics strike you differently at different stages of life? I love that. I love that about all art, every viewing has fresh life experience behind it. Just now the idea of being "one more girl on a stage" seemed exceedingly pleasant.

For those of you who don't know, I'm an actor. I've been recovering and writing for a long while now with an audition here and there. Nothing too exciting on that front. The point being I'm itching to get back out there. On the surface the song describes a performer acknowledging that she's one of countless thousands. I lived in NYC & LA and counted myself among the 70,000 actors looking for work. That feeling wasn't news to me.

After a few listens, it dawned on me, I was never "just another" anything. That sounds more arrogant than I intended. I wasn't just another girl on stage anymore than I am just another mother of two now. As much as I resented being the "girl in the wheelchair" growing up, there is power in being memorable. I never had A-list Hollywood success (got famous), but between my inconspicuousness and my talent those who didn't cast me certainly did not forget. My most exciting TV role was a girl in a wheelchair, as it turns out.

I remember the day I took those head shots. I'd been living in New York and peddling my wares with a black and white head shot. I was immediately given two pieces of advice upon arrival on the West Coast: 1)Get a local number 2)Take new head shots. The world was my oyster. I was ready for anything! In the years that followed many of my dreams came true. So many unforgettable roles and experiences came my way. So very unforgettable that I am stunned at how long ago many of them were. Time marches ever forward. The postcard below is role I decided to move to New York after college to pursue. I was so excited to be involved in the inaugural Tribeca Theatre Festival, to have the lead, to work with celebrities, and to have my face on the post card! I remember thinking this is the beginning of everything. I imagine most kids fresh out of school have that moment: no more learning, time to do it. After seeing the show the playwrite came to the next performance and gave me flowers.

I share time's love of forward motion and I went where ever opportunity took me. I pressed on and shined through until my body broke down like a used car. Even as I relocated and adapted I kept on trucking. It wasn't until my difficult pregnancy and subsequent back surgery that I decided to let it rest. It felt like a betrayal of who I was. I've never sought fame and fortune, but when it's in you it's in you. I find it difficult to be articulate about my craft. I remember auditioning for BU's theatre program. I was asked (after my performance) "Why do you want this?" Without hesitation I replied "It's the ONLY thing I've ever wanted. It's like air to me. I need to be good at it."

Passion is important. Everything is so dull and predictable without it. I don't think true love in any form really dies. I'm still reeling at the show in NYC being 9 years ago. Plays, performances, film, TV, voice work...So much happened before and since. So much change in the rest of my life, but it never left me. Now it refuses to wait quietly while I deal with other things. I'm one of thousands of thirty-somethings who isn't where I thought I'd be doing what I thought I'd be doing. Maybe, the song lyric is agreeing with me: You see me as "just another", but you're so very wrong. Onward, art-ward forever and ever.