Food Issues

I have a strange one. I do not compulsively or stress eat. In fact I have a terrible time eating when I don't feel hungry. I was a picky eater as a kid; thank goodness Riley did not inherit that. I became increasingly adventurous about food once I left home. I imagine it's a holdover from people aggressively trying to cure my pickiness or mistaking my small statue for malnourishment, but I cannot stand "food bullies."

It makes me crazy when people force food on me. I understand asking more than once, but no means no folks. It's hard to be polite when someone heaps food you know you won't eat after you've politely told them so. I eat until I feel full and then I stop that's all there is to it. With the exception of desserts. It just takes less to fill me up, I guess.

Overtly bullying someone into taking food they couldn't possibly finish is one thing, but there's also the sneaky bullies. The ones who know your food preferences and sneak things you don't like in to "see if you'll notice". For some reason every guy I ever dated has tried it. I always know. I have a very good nose which makes my palette pretty knowledgeable. I am also not a child insisting I don't like something because I heard someone else say it. I am a grown-up and I have some foods I don't like, just like everyone else. Grumble.

The aunt that insisted I couldn't leave the table until I clear my plate only encouraged me not to try new things. If I tried something and didn't like it I'd be sitting at the table well past the next mealtime with it. I have two very good eaters. In fact Isaac used to get rather emotional when he couldn't clean his plate (I mean licked clean). I have never had to force vegetables on my kids. Instead, I often tell Isaac "you don't have to eat anything you don't like, it's ok." This wouldn't have worked with picky little me, but he needs to know it's ok and continues to eat very well.

The Price of Independence

There's always a cost for me when Riley gains some independence. Today when Riley decided to wipe by herself...

It was about half a roll of toilet paper.

Bribery

Today I woke up hurting and decided to run to Office Depot first thing in the morning and get my only pressing errand over with. Yesterday, I was going to run out for printer ink during Riley's nap. Mike said he had to clean the printer first. I was bummed because I've been working on a craft that requires that I print a document for the first step. I assumed he'd get around to it this weekend. To my surprise he started cleaning the printer within about 20min of making the statement. "I wanted to do it before you left so you can get ink" he told me.

I put Riley down grabbed the empty cartridges and went out the door about 15min later. I was setting my crutches in the car when the front door opened. Mike said "Um, skip ink. I may have killed the print head." He shut the door and I processed this. I went back in and inquired if this meant we were going to have to buy a whole new printer. We generally use it very little and we're saving for a wedding, but the wedding needs have increased our printing needs substantially. His eyes lit up.
"Where were you going to go?"
"Office Depot"
"They have printers there."
"Well, I wasn't going if we didn't need ink...sigh"

So, I didn't make it during nap. I anticipated browsing and contemplating maybe even several calls home. It seems to big a task for nap time. I digress, we went this morning, by we of course I mean Miss Roo and I. I was a little worried about her getting bored and acting up. I brought the wheelchair and put her in my lap. I think that set up gives me the most control. I can certainly cover the most distance.

Printer shopping took 2min. I went down the aisle checking prices and whether they were photo quality. Soon we had a winner and the nice man was loading it into my car. I had been so worried about little one's temperament I promised as we pulled in to take her to the party store to look for dinosaurs if she was good. Even though she didn't have time to fuss I made good on my promise.

She picked out a bag of tiny dinos and called them babies. She didn't understand why I didn't tear the package open with my teeth right there and liberate them, but she stayed pretty mellow. "Dact-tul" she kept telling me and pointing to the flying one. "Yes, it is. You can have it in a minute." I felt silly buying on cheap little bag of toys, but their dino party stuff stunk. Plus it was much cheaper than a trip to the toy store on the other side of office depot.

When we got home I was hurting pretty bad and Riley was cranky. I bribed her again. This time I got more miles out of it though. First I bribed her out of the car with cookies. Once we were inside I told her she had to go pee pee on the potty if she wanted milk and cookies. She fought me, but I sat by the potty with the cookies and milk and waited. I won.

The rest of our day wasn't so great, but we survived. I'm gonna go eat the rest of the cookies out of view of the kids...

Riley's Wild Kingdom

Today Riley and I played with her new Megablocks. She built a giraffe and was very proud of herself. She kept putting blocks on and then shaking her head and saying "oh, no." She'd add a different block and say "fix it." Sometimes she even say "dat's better!" It was priceless.

When I suggested she make a different animal she made a lion. She roared and giggled, it was cute. After that she decided the giraffe was hiding from the lion and when I did my best scared giraffe impression she made the lion give him a hug. She's so sweet.

After they made friends she built the lion a baby, who he then hugged. At that point with an odd family unit complete and hugs distributed she lost interest. It was ok because I lost feeling my legs from sitting on the floor.

Library Adventure

Both of my kids adore the library. In fact Isaac broke a rule and his punishment was no new library books this trip which was highly effective and easy to follow through on. Riley was running around the house screaming "Books!!" all morning because I told her where were headed that morning.

When we arrived there were yellow signs everywhere that said "Sorry our network is down." That was disturbing and vague. There was no way I was loading my toddler and my wheelchair back up and going home empty handed. So, I let Riley drop the books in the return and figured we'd browse slowly and color to kill time. I wasn't sure if the network issue would be cleared up or not, but clearly they'd find a way to check out books.

We were on mission for Llama, Llama books, but I couldn't remember who wrote them. Neither could the librarian who had no card catalog. She called another library and waited on hold for the info. I was grateful that she did. It turned out they did have one we hadn't read "Llama, Llama Holiday Drama". Yay!

After selecting some books we decided to color a fairy picture. Riley was naming each color as she pulled it from the basket: "red!"..."blue"..."pink!!"..."brown"..."yellow", etc. She got them all right which wasn't a surprise to me, but the moms on either side of us where impressed. One of them asked if Riley was 2 or 3. When I told her she would be 2 in about a month she was stunned. "She knows all her colors?" I proudly replied "oh, she sure does" and was tempted to add her shapes, animals and body parts too. Pat myself right on the back.

Sometimes you forget not all kids are like your own for better or worse. That was a nice reminder. After that we went to "Craft Corner" which we'd never done before. Riley colored a "pin-sess" and Mommy glued her to a paper bag to make a puppet. After that Riley colored a "pie-ral" (spiral) which we attached ribbon to and she bounced like a spring.

During crafting (isn't that always the way?) she had to potty. I'd never been in the girls room in the kids section because it isn't accessible. This time I left my wheelchair parked outside and rushed in with her. Everything was low to the ground and the toilet had a normal person seat and a 2nd Riley sized seat. Such a great idea! She could even reach the sink without a stool. It was very exciting.

We checked out and went home for nap. When we arrived Riley's Megablocks from Pampers had arrived. We let her open the box. She was thrilled. "All mine?" she kept asking. It was like a mini Christmas.

Being Almost Two

Riley has a lot of moments where I shake my head and say "Are you being 2 again?" When she insists on picking her own clothes and ends up in head to toe pink. Afterward she adds every plastic necklace in her collection and a dinosaur baseball cap. Sometimes she insists panties and a bike helmet is dressed. Sometimes she demands cookies for breakfast, you know, the usual stuff.

She has incredible mood swings. She'll get all excited about something (ie Grandma coming over, going to Boo's or having some watermelon) and moments later be upset about it. The other day she was screaming in excitement to go see Boo and then I asked her to come get dressed which got a mini meltdown response. I talked her into it and then we got out the door all smiles, but in the driveway she refused to get in the car. I have no idea why. Through herself on the driveway and screamed. I asked her if she wanted to stay home and go to time out instead of going to Boo's and she answered "time out!". Unfortunately she'd called my bluff this time. I'd say I'm more consistent than most, but I was not prepared to follow through this time. I got her in the car seat and she played happily. When we pulled up in their driveway I said, "Do you want to go see your friends?" "no!". She did go in and play and I have no idea what that stuff was all about.

Frustration is the biggest thing. When we don't understand what she wants she looses her cool quickly (increasingly dramatically depending on level of sleep). It's understandable that now that we know what she's saying 90% of the time the other 10% is super frustrating. Welcome to the second year (almost) Miss Roo.

There are also moments when it's a complete blessing. Like not having to change poopy diapers anymore. This morning Riley saw her brother all dressed in his yellow summer camp shirt and said "Camp!". I replied "Yup, Isaac's ready for camp." Riley sighed slightly and then said "Eye-Gick, camp. Help me." She paused pointing to her back and said "Rye-Ee backpack". Now, dumb old Mommy figured it out. "You want to help take Isaac to camp and wear your backpack?". When I take her with me to drop off or pick up Isaac she wears her Dora backpack so I can hang on to her. "Yes!" she replied.

I was so proud of her for not getting frustrated and screaming or throwing herself to the floor. She just gradually added more information to the statement with the words at her disposal. I got her dressed so they she could go "help me" and told Mike the story. We gave her lots of praise and even dusted off the potty treat container and rewarded her for using her words so well. It's going to be interesting from here...

Wetting Average

At this point Riley's been in full time panties for awhile. I gave away all of our unused diapers and cashed in our Pampers points. Soon, Riley will receive a big old package of Mega Blocks for all the hundreds and hundreds of diapers Mommy saved thousands and thousands of points from.

At home we never have accidents anymore. She's keeping her panties dry day and night. We're still working on getting her to pull her pants down and back up herself, she does it about 1/2 the time still. The other 1/2 of the time she insists that someone do it for her. Not bad for not quite 2yrs old. That's home where there is little distraction, four choices of potty (2 little and 2 big)and plenty of time running around just in her underwear.

Today was the day she spends at Boo's house with her friends every week. The past couple in a row she's averaged one accident a day. From what I've seen the days I take her over to visit her friends she does ok all morning and stays dry through nap. It's in the afternoon some time after snack that she seems to just get too busy playing. Usually, it involves cooking in the play kitchen. At this point though it's not an empty the bladder kind of accident. It's a few drops and then she goes to the potty sort of thing.

I figure 0 accidents average at home 1 a day average at daycare is pretty good. At Boo's she doesn't do as well pulling her own pants down either, but there's a lot of distraction. I'm impressed with her ability to do what needs to be done with 3 sweet, curious faces peeking in at her. Her friends for the most part are almost ready to give the potty a try and they really do want to know how it works.

I think we're slowly working to 100% dry days. I can't wait for a few consistent "no accidents today (:" notes in Riley's folder. She can do it, it'll happen any minute now.

Maay-Cup!

Riley has a little board book called My First Make-up. Lately it's all she talks about. If she sees me standing at the bathroom sink she asks "May-Cup?!?" Now, that is rarely what I am doing. I usually pretend to put deodorant on her and call it make-up. Every once in a while I'll put some regular chap stick on her. She loves it.

My friend starting selling Avon and they had these roll on body bath paints. Basically, scented colored soap. I got all 5 "flavors" and told Riley they were make-up. Boy, she wanted to go right home and take a bath that instant. She couldn't get to the door fast enough.

Here's some cuteness that ensued:

Pink!

My happy girl with her may-cup!

The teenage years are going to be rough...

Follow the Rules!

A few days ago I got up to let the cat out and Riley was right behind me. I explained that only kitty was going out. That it was too hot for us and we'd go later. She took that all in and waited while I opened the door for kitty. The cat considered the open door and sauntered away, brat. I told the cat:
"Fine! But I'm not getting up again so please don't pee on my rug."

Riley glanced at me and then turned to the cat shook her finger and said:
"No, no! Own-lee. Own-lee. Ownlee."
When Riley was starting to use the potty I must have told her 100 times a day "Only on the potty." Now she was imparting that wisdom to the cat!

Perfect Pigtails

My beautiful daughter has naturally curly blonde hair. It's amazingly lovely. She's a girly girl to the core and has been known to request that I do her hair. Pigtails are tricky. Where to place them on the head (latitude and longtitude), how to part the hair, barrettes or no barrettes, etc...A lot goes into a good set of pigtails. Today I nailed it.

Side View

Riley thought I was nuts chasing her around trying to get pictures of the back of her head. I'll never be able to make such perfect pigtails again and we had nowhere to be so I couldn't even show them off. Perfect.

Go, Go...Uh-oh

I got a little overconfident. I was on a roll with wedding planning and errand running within nap time. I tried to schedule a meeting with the florist for a weekend day thinking Mike would want to be there, but it wasn't going to work out. I decided I'd meet with her on my own and report back like I'd been doing with my other vendors. I scheduled my appointment for 1:00 and figured I'd be gone between an hour and an hour and a half. I thought I would make it back with time to spare or in the worst case just after she woke up.

I put Miss Roo down, she was very tired and there was no resistance, and packed up my stuff to go. I took Riley to a friends house all morning so, Mike could be as productive as possible before nap just in case she woke up before I got back. I also offered to arrange back up. I thought I'd get someone to hang out while I was gone so that if she woke up she wouldn't interrupt Daddy's work. Mike was sure he'd be fine and I had been on a roll so I didn't press the issue.

It turns out I should have. I got to my appointment right on time. An hour and change in I got a text: "Riley's finished lunch and is on the loose..."
For the record I fed her before nap so Mike wouldn't have to, but he didn't know that so she had 2 lunches. Another 30min went by and I sent him a text: "finishing up, you ok?"
He replied: "Doing the best I can, been on the clock for 2 hours with awake Riley."
Now I started to feel bad, but we'd gotten to the nuts and bolts of things and I wasn't leaving without a breakdown of all our costs. Another 15min went by and I got a text: "I'm on a phone call with [his boss] and she's getting antsy"
That's when I sent a text to my mom asking her to go sit with Riley until I got back. Luckily, for me she was available. I texted Mike for the last time: "Help is on the way."

I got home aglow with accomplishment, feeling guilty and shaking with hunger. I'd hadn't anything except a bowl of cereal at 7am, Yikes. I apologized and thanked everyone accordingly. I shoveled in a corn dog and relayed all the info to Mike. After a minute of swooning from the heat we got dinner going. I was soooo tired, but I still managed to get both kids in bed by 8. It all worked out ok, but I think that's the end of nap time errands. My next meeting is Monday when Riley will be at Boo's house.

Down Time

As in the kids are down (napping or for bed) and Mom is running her butt off! That kind of "down time" is the only kind I've known for the last 2yrs. When Riley is sleeping or with a grandparent I am like a woman possessed madly trying to get every errand I couldn't (or wouldn't) do with a toddler done.

Today I put Riley down for her nap, waited the obligatory 5min to make sure she had gone to sleep and ran out the door. Again, Mike works from home a lot and he was in the room next to Riley's. I had to get to the post office and the rest of the week's groceries before she woke up. On your mark get set, Go!

I went to the post office first where every handicapped space was taken. I glanced over as I walked by to see all of these spaces were occupied by people reading in the car obviously waiting for someone inside. Really, you couldn't have waited in a different space? The line was long for noon on a Wednesday. I got in line and hadn't been waiting more than a minute when a cranky old man cut me.

He had one letter and generally seemed...well, unapproachable so I let him. When my turn finally came they couldn't help me. So, frustrating, wish I would have known before the hike through the parking lot and standing in line. Jerks. When I go out during the day it is almost always with Riley so I use one crutch and hold her hand or the wheelchair. Because I was unaccompanied I had both crutches today. As I turned to leave my friend's uncle greeted me and without thinking I grabbed his hand to shake it throwing my crutch across the floor. So, embarrassing...

With part of nap time completely wasted I went to the big grocery store across the street. It reminded me of LA, my long lost home. I parked in the underground parking, just like old times. I hopped in an old lady cart and moved at a slightly faster pace than walking towards the elevator. Putt-putt-putt...

Everyone was super nice walking around counters to hand me things, offering to reach things on the higher shelf for me. When I got to the check out to my amazement they had the card swip keypad at my level. Woah. I wondered briefly if I'd accidentally gotten in the "accessible line." A quick glance to my left told me all the check outs had accessible card swips. Neat-O. Upon expressing my joy at this the girl helping me asked if I knew how to get out. She was genuinely concerned since the store was so large I'd never been there before that I didn't remember the way. I refused help out, although I shouldn't have, and went on my way.

I loaded my groceries into the car wondering when oh when curbside pickup will be available here. Again, I had flashbacks of LA as I left my space and searched for the exit. I was careful to pay close attention to the arrows on the way out so, when someone pulling in waved for me to roll my window down I assumed I'd messed up. Nope, he was informing me in a fatherly tone "your passenger side headlight is out, young lady." I guess I'm not in LA.

I made it back with everything on the list and no plastic bags. I forbid anymore of them in my house. I have at least 5 reusable canvas bags, but 3 were lost in the move somehow and I could only find one before I left today so I bought 2 new ones. I had time to put everything away and write this with Riley soundly sleeping. Go, Mom, go.

A Different Kind of Good Day

Today was one of those days where I felt like I was floating through my tasks. Riley got off on the right foot by waking up last night and walking to the potty by herself. By the time Mike went to check on her she'd gone and wanted help wiping and washing her hands. I'll give you a minute to applaud. She went back to her own bed for about 45min after that and then decided it was time to get up. I convinced her we had an hour before the alarm and cuddled with her in my bed.

It was nice until I got kicked in the face. I got Isaac to camp 5min late, but only because his class changed rooms. It felt like a practical joke, all that hurrying and then no one was there. After that I took Riley to Boo's house to visit. We'd left some things there yesterday and at this point we don't really need an excuse to drop in. It turned out another adult was welcome because all four toddler are expecting molars. It sounds stressful, but none of it was. I found the whole morning funny. I was glad to help my little friends with their tough morning. I love being needed and hug duty is one I'll always accept.

We came home at nap time and Riley did her business while I read Green Eggs and Ham twice. Am I the only one who reads the ones I like more times than the rest no matter what? Hee, hee. She then insisted on hugging and kissing Daddy before nap. After which I read Green Eggs and Ham again (sometimes it's good to be in charge.)

Riley took a nice long nap while I wrote emails, made calls and visited with my mom who dropped by. Riley was asleep the whole visit so my mom luckily for me volunteered to come back with dinner. I love not having to figure out dinner. Hurray! When Roo woke up she requested the movie Robots so I made popcorn and we had Mommy/Daughter movie time. It was very nice to just watch a movie with her in my lap. There are definitely advantages to my baby growing up. She watched the movie until the popcorn ran out.

When I got home with Isaac grandma was here and the kids got to play while I tied up loose ends. Dinner was good: grilled sausage, pasta and green beans. Riley was a huge fan. After her ladybug bowl was empty Riley requested 'Ga-ma' give her a 'baf'. No dinner, no bath duty woohoo! I got to cuddle and play while someone else took care of the important stuff, it was nice. I love my kids. I wish there was more quality time without stopping to cook, clean or bathe someone. I wish that, that time after dinner, but before dishes when everyone's clean and calm and together before bed lasted longer.

The Growing Brain

Riley is a great communicator. I'm really blessed. I never have to guess at her emotions. Most of the time I'm stunned at her clarity. Asking to go outside or if she can have a banana is one thing, but when I ask her about going to bed with ice cream and she explains "melt." it's something else entirely.

Last, night she was dipping a straw in water and letting the water drip from the end of the straw into her mouth. Daddy (who was holding the cup) said "What are you doing, Riley? An experiment?" She responded without pause "Spare-ment." and shook her head and then exclaimed "Science!" She made the connection by herself. What a funny girl. The next day at day care she picked up a light-up toy and said "lights!" We agreed that it had lights and then she said "'lectrcity...Science!"

Whenever she sees Mommy drinking a Coke she says "No, no. Caffeine!" We explained that coffee, tea and coke have caffeine which would make her stop growing. In response to which she always points to herself and says "big!" She understands so much. Whenever she climbs something she says "bee ca-fa-ell!" and then "holdin' on, holdin' on, holdin' on."

She's a funny girl when she wants to go out and swing she brings you her shoes and then your shoes because she knows that's the first step. Such a smart one. She started holding her pee at night so Mommy would keep reading stories. I caught on and now she gets one before/during going potty and one after. Stinker.

I really love this pre-two year old phase they're so much fun. You can see them learning all day long. They're really navigating their world, for better or worse.

Overwhelmed Population Me

I thought this weekend wound be relaxing. I had planned one (you heard me, uno) errand Saturday and a day off Sunday. I went to a bridal expo with my future (legal) sister in law. I thought that would mean I would leave just before nap and be back at dinner time. Instead I was back at 2:30 so Mike was only on his own for nap time, gosh darn it!

When I got home I tried to prepare myself for tomorrow, but thanks to my buried desk and Mike mis-budgeting (again) it really raised my blood pressure. Not to mention, that once all the bills and paperwork were dealt with and I was ready to write the internet went out. There's a bad storm outside. I suspect it's the cousin of the one that laid me up for most of the day Saturday. Stupid hip joints. It is undeniably time for a visit to the old Ortho (grimace).

I got the internet going and found out my friend who thought she might move is. It's sad because her daughter is so much like Riley, but slightly older and it was nice having a preview of what's coming. I feel possessive of my mommy friends even the ones I talk to online most of the time. My other message was a schedule change I wasn't expecting and by the time I adjusted my whole week it had reverted back to the original timing.

And then my friends, is my wedding (check the other blog)....I have attempted twice to put a deposit on my venue. First I had to shell out $$$ for a deposit on Isaac's summer camp and then my car was held hostage for $$$ by the dealership service center. I hate being a responsible adult. On top of which I've been getting a lot of heat about wedding choices already and I'm wearing thin.

Mike is generally VERY involved in wedding decisions, but if he isn't being a ridiculous perfectionist he doesn't care at all. It's frustrating because I can never predict which decision will be which. We lost our baker so I thought we'd discuss alternatives. He doesn't care. The bar issue (open, cash, having one) "whatever you want honey". The flowers he's in a state of panic about them being wrong. Inhale, exhale press on.

I just feel frazzled and exhausted. Monday isn't even here yet!

Full Time Motherhood

We've done the research and discussed the options (and the budget). Riley will be starting full time (M-F,9-5) daycare as soon as Isaac's summer camp ends. I'm going to get serious about my writing and start taking better care of myself. I am still her mother 24hrs a day, but I am also ready for time apart. I've been on full time Riley duty for two years. I am not dropping her off with minimum wage strangers who have no investment in her future. I am leaving her with my best friend who loves Riley like a daughter. Riley will get a few more days with her best friends and I will gain a few more productive hours in my day.

I think our society is all about extremes. The all or nothing attitude is impossible to live up to. I am her mother and I love her. I would have chosen to be with her as much as possible under any circumstances. I'm grateful for the time we've had. This way I can take care of the house and the kids and myself. I need to finish healing and find the next step and it's hard to do those things with an almost 2yr old hanging on you.

It's the right decision. She'll be thrilled. I may eventually make great strides in healing and self discovery. As an added bonus Mike and I can have lunch together when he works from home. It would be nice to get to know each other as a couple again. I think the months before we make it legal are a good time for that.

It does make me feel a little overwhelmed. I have so many things I want to do and now I'll have time to do it.

The Peek-A-Boo Chair

Smiley Riley meets the peek-a-boo chair

Where'd she go?

Where's Riley?

There she is!

And off she goes...

Yesterday Was a Good Day

I often start composing a post through out the day in my head. I think about things I have to point out in the post or funny things the kids did. Sometimes it all goes according to plan, I come home and find a moment to type up what I composed in my head all day. Other times It's almost involuntary the way my fingers dance around the keys and when the post has been published I'm almost surprised at the result. Yesterday, I composed a post about domesticity and resourcefulness in my head. A happy little housewife post, but then I wrote something different.

Yesterday, I managed to clean out Riley's dresser and closet while she played happily on the rug behind me. Afterward I packed up the too small clothes and all those remaining diapers. I passed the clothes to smaller kiddos and gave the diapers to Riley's daycare. I was thrilled to see the diapers go. Good Riddance! Woo, hoo.

We stayed at D's (aka Riley's daycare) long enough to visit our favorite toddlers and have lunch. It was just girls and they were "Aaaa-Door-Bull" as Miss Boo would say. I'm so glad I get to visit my favorite toddlers so often. After lunch my mom wanted to run some errands with us, but Riley was done. We put her to bed (while Mike worked in the next room) and ventured out on our own.

I had some rewards dollars for Home Goods and I'd never been there. It was fun and I got some sorely needed items as well as a gorgeous sparkly bowl that is the centerpiece of the dinning room table right now. We also hit Target where I had a remainder on a gift card. I needed a bigger dish drainer as we do not have a dishwasher (besides me. The one we were using was shot and too small. I found one at Target and even "splurged" on gummi bears and a DIY bride magazine. I came home with easily $80 worth of stuff for $8. I felt so proud!

Mike was thrilled about most of my purchases. He helped me change the table cloth to match my pretty new bowl. After I put everything away in my house that was still clean, hurray! I washed the dishes in the sink and wiped down the counters. It was really satisfying. I felt victorious and nested. Riley even slept longer than normal so I got some writing done.

Speaking of which, I think I've scared up another lead, but this time I'm not going to discuss it until it's a done deal. I was all glowy and happy and ready to write about my conquests that day which seemed so significant, but I wrote something else. I questioned whether anyone would even care about my small victories in the domestic realm and Mike was very encouraging. So, I feel better having shared them as well.

Pats on the back for me! Productivity with a toddler in the room, organized drawers and clothes, no more diapers, social interaction, good deals, pretty and practical things for the house, a clean house and some quiet time! What a day.

Define Yourself

I've been thinking a lot about this full time daycare stuff. “What is it that I'm so worried about?”, I keep asking myself. My own judgment of myself. It is harsh and unforgiving. Where is the root of all this? I was raised by a mother who often worked two jobs and always taught me that the worst thing I could be was dependent on a man. I am independent by nature. I long to make my own financial contributions to the family beyond my domestic contributions.

I really had to shift my whole sense of self after Riley was born. I wanted a baby. Woah! I wanted to be with her. Woah! I had no choice as far as work went and I never imagined how strongly (after working my whole life) I'd want to be home. Part of forgiving myself for "giving up on my dream and selling out to some American dream substitute" was that it was temporary! Surely, by the time Riley was 2 I'd be myself again. Hmmm...

Ok, yes I was an artist with huge dreams and I thought settling down was just a way of limiting myself. I craved independent stability and success. I had been raised by a wonderful working mother. All these things had to be influencing the feelings of complete failure I felt at staying at home without Riley, but there had to be something else to it.

Things have been physically challenging and I'm lucky to have made it through some horrifyingly lean times. Now, I hear my friend use the term "house wife" to refer to me and suddenly I understand my own resistance. I fear losing myself the way my mother did. I don't want to define myself as "house wife" or "stay at home mom" because those things only define me in relation to other people. I am incredibly weary of losing myself in motherhood completely, the way I perceived my mother to have done.

Sacrifices must be made (and are well worth it)in the case of any parent, but there are limits. I love my children, but I love me too. I want my own happiness as much as I want theirs. I want a happy marriage and an active social life. I want to always know that at my core I'm the same girl I was when I started this journey. Sigh, unfortunately understanding did not yield acceptance yet. I still want to wave a magic wand and start a fabulous full time job in my chosen career before Riley goes to full time day care. It'll work out somehow. I can't believe how far we've come in two years. In the meantime I strive to be a well rounded human.

Fever-tatsic Tuesday

Riley woke up during the night and Mike brought her to our bed and told me she was a little warm. By the time we got up she seemed fine. I got her dressed and we ran some errands. We were visiting friends around 10am when smiley Riley, very suddenly, became muted and climbed on to my lap and fell asleep. It was almost an hour and a half before nap, this was not a good sign. Soon she was burning up. I woke her up for Tylenol and ice water and laid her down again.

After her nap the fever was gone. She had lunch and played normally. It was like it had never happened. There were no other symptoms just the fever and that seemed to be gone. Wrong-O there mom. After a few more hours of smiley Riley she was sleeping on me and burning up again! This time I let her sleep and gave her the Tylenol when she woke up. She asked for a "ba-ff" which sounded like a good way to cool her down, so off we went.

I let her stay in as long as I could, but with all the holding, lifting and even some carrying I was in a good deal of pain and the bathroom floor was super uncomfortable. After her bath she sat in my lap for almost an hour wrapped in a blanket. She didn't sleep and the fever didn't return.

She ate normally at dinner and seemed to be herself again. I was anxious getting her ready for bed and decided to tag Mike in for a round. He seemed to have an easy time getting her down. I checked her twice after that and she seemed to be sleeping comfortably sans fever.

Teething is my best guess, but who knows? The toddler immune system is the only thing as confusing as their brain.

Never Underestimate Miss Roo

I've been a little hormonal lately, but this morning I was a ball of nerves. Riley's day care provider had been out of town for 2wks and was finally back. Riley was thrilled beyond belief to go back, but there had been a lot of changes since she had been there last. Riley wasn't quite as adept at the potty 14 days ago. Now, she is full time in panties day and night.

I went through the check list in my mind ten times: spare clothes, daycare folder, check, emergency pull up...etc I had bag packed before I went to bed last night to make sure I was ready to go in the morning. I was literally sweating with anxiety when I woke up this morning. How would Riley do? It had been so long. More importantly how would D do with 3 kids in diapers and 1 using the potty? Was I asking too much? Had I done everything I could to prepare them?

In my head the worst case scenario meant pulling her out of day care until they were ready (yikes!). Nerves were rampant all the way there as I rehearsed all the things I had to make sure and explain. My stomach churned. I brought Riley in and explained she was full time in panties. That there were several spare pairs and extra clothes in the bag, but the pull-up was only for emergencies. D focused on my words like a true pro while administering snack. She was a little surprised Riley could sleep without a diaper, but she was ready this time.

I tried to get Riley to go potty before I left unsuccessfully, which only made the knot in my stomach tighter. D reassured me that they'd be fine and she had extra help today. I felt bad giving her more work. I decided I needed to take my anxiety home before it rubbed off. I thanked her again and walked out the door without my cell phone.

When I got home I had a few minutes of super anxiety over the missing phone before confirming its location. Soon, after that episode resolved itself my anxiety melted into something else. I'd been with Riley for two weeks and now she was ecstatically back in day care using the potty! I started to cry. Maybe this really is the end of the baby time. She's a little girl with a life independent from me.

I got the house picked up and had lunch with my mom it was a nice day. When I picked Riley up the report was glowing. "Riley's a rock star. She used the potty all day and even pooped twice!" I was thrilled and as it turned out not very surprised. She had one accident in 8hrs where she was just too busy, not bad. My big girl.

We're past "just in case" diapers and rewards every time she goes. I thought we'd never get there, but here we are. When we got home I took the remaining diapers out of the diaper hanger and filled it with shoes!

Potty-Potty-Potty All the Time

Riley slept like a champ last night. She didn't wake up once all night. We were up four times the night before. When she did wake up (at 8:30) she and her panties were dry. Amen! I realized that while it had been a great plan in the beginning to keep her naked on the bottom for sleep so late night pottying was less complicated, it had begun to work against me. It was the complete reverse from the early days where if she had something on her brain associated it with diapers and she peed. Now, being naked signaled her it was safe to go. So, we wear panties to bed now.

Riley stayed dressed all day. She pulled her pants down by herself and only asked for help getting them back up. After nap we went to her friend's 2nd birthday. I can't believe the VIB's (very important babies) are turning 2! It was a fun climby, bouncy place and just like the first time we went there Riley fixated on one thing and ignored the rest of the room. Last time it was the rocking horse, this time the slide. She just ran gleefully in circles yelling "slide!" climbing up, crawling across and sliding down again.

We'd been doing panties only for a few days with no incidents so it hadn't occurred to me to put her in a pull-up for the party. I started to feel the "spidey senses" tingling and then with in moments Riley said "oh! pee pee!" I grabbed her hand and the baby bag and did my best impression of running. When we got to the bathroom and by the time I put the seat on the potty her pants were wet. It wasn't her fault, her mommy's just slow. I stripped her down and she proceeded to pee and poop on the big potty. I made a huge deal about her telling mommy she needed to pee and going on the big potty! I was very proud. I pulled on a pull-up and clean shorts and off we went to play.

Riley was not the first of her friends to walk by a long shot, or the first to talk by several weeks, but she appears to be the first one potty trained. I'm so proud of her. Moms at the party asked my advise and I told them a lot of what I posted the other day. As far as peeing on the furniture there truly is nothing you can do, but try to keep them off of it while in the early stages. That's why we've refused to upgrade our hand-me-down couch. There will be accidents even the 8yr old has his share.

The other piece of advise I don't remember writing about here is if your little one's having trouble make up a song. Here's the one I sing Riley:
We pull them up when we wanna get dressed.
We pull them down when we want to go potty
That's how we keep our panties nice and dry!
In all seriousness I sing it 1-4 times a day. It helped a lot. Potty training is a messy, frustrating business with a lot of small milestones. I hope I've painted a realistic picture as I find most resources on the subject vague and unhelpful. It can be done, but it's not easy or brief.

I still worry that Riley will go to sleep at night and forget how to use the potty, but I'm pretty sure there's no going back now.

Double Grandmas!

Mike and I had a "date" to take pictures in the park today. I considered the children carefully when making this plan. I decided we would go at 2pm when Riley would be waking up from her nap. It was all set. Riley would wake up and I'd drop the kiddos with my mom. Except the weather wasn't cooperating. Stupid, rain. We decided to play it safe and push pictures back to 7pm.

Now, my mom was going to pick up Isaac and take the lucky duck to Cars 2. That left Miss Roo without a date. I decided to call Mike's mom and see if she would hang out with little bit for an hour or two. Riley has recently started saying "gam-ma" and been asking for Mike's mom. She says her name super cute. Anyway, gram-ma was in so both kids were accounted for.

We were gone about 2hrs and when we pulled into the driveway both kids were in the front yard playing with both grandmas! Riley was screaming "FUN!" It was quite a scene. Everyone was running around after a big green ball. I hated to break it up, but it was bath time.

I am often emotional about how lucky my kids are to have all their grandparents alive and near by. It's a special thing to know your parent's parents. I wish I could have know my grandparents better, but I'm so grateful my kids know theirs.

Mom-denity Crisis

Today was super rainy and I could barely roll out of bed. I decided this was a good day for Riley to spend the day at Grandma's. It was so nice with both kids gone and the storm outside, just surreal and calm. I slowly wheeled the hamper to the laundry room and started the laundry without a tiny person underfoot. After the laundry was started I watched TV, a show without puppets or talking animals. I watched the whole show without having to pause and deal with kids. In the afternoon Mike and I went to lunch.

Lunch was good. It was good to eat at a restaurant without a toddler in tow. We talked about non-house/kid issues. It was truly amazing. The food came quickly and was really good and I didn't have to share it with anyone. Delightful. Towards the end of lunch I remarked how good it was to get a break from Riley and Mike replied that this was the age Isaac started full time daycare. There was no more to the conversation just two consecutive comments.

Unlike the Valentines Day dinner after Riley was born where he mentioned day care and I became hysterical, this time I thought "hmmm..." By the time we got home from lunch I asked "But we can't afford that, right?" not entirely sure whether I wanted a yes or a no. To which he replied, "It's a lot cheaper once they're potty trained." "Oh. Hmmm..."

He went back to work and I hobbled over to move the laundry with these things bouncing around in my head. It was so quiet, I'd gotten so much done even in pain and it was only 1pm. Hmmm...No one should have to work every minute of the day for more than 2yrs, right? It's ok, to love her and want her to go away, right? Hmmm...I was just getting kind of comfortable with "stay at home mom" status. If she's in daycare full time doesn't that just make me...well, unemployed?

I messaged Mike this thought:
Me:"it would really be ok with you if Riley went to daycare full time and I was home unemployed"
Mike:"i'm sure you would be busy with other things, honey - If there is anyone in the world least likely to sit and vegetate all day long its you"
He's right, I wouldn't be bored. Who knows what kind of momentum I could get behind my writing (or any number of things, I'm multitalented)

And then like a ton of bricks I had that sinking feeling I had the day I realized I'd been out of college a year and "hadn't accomplished anything." Yes, I've always been this hard on myself. I always believed staying home with Riley was temporary. I just thought it would end because my fabulous new job not because I couldn't hack it anymore. I mean really, what does that say about me? Granted I inherited a toddler day one of my relationship with Mike and Mike himself is an unbelievable slob. I had a baby, back and hip surgery all in one year and I still manage to "run the household" even if it's from the couch sometimes. See, I patted myself on the back. My point is I struggled all this time to accept where I was and now that I have, everything may change? And I want it to...

Potty Tips

We are completely done with diapers now. We're not quite accident free, but they seem to only be happening in bed, early in the morning and about twice a week (on average). So, I thought I'd share some of the things that worked for us.

In the beginning, as with all major childhood transitions, you have to really commit as a parent. I tend to make the decision in the rational part of my brain, but then half-ass it because I'm not emotionally ready. At which point I realize I'm wasting my time and dig down deep and go for it. That being said they have to be ready or nothing you do will have an effect.

We knew Riley was ready so we proceeded to give her ample time naked. We put a froggy potty in the living room (where she spends most of the day) and got a Sesame Street seat for the big potty. We read the potty books and sat on the potty watching Sesame Street. A few days, about 3, followed where Riley peed on the floor like a puppy. Thank God for tile!

After the puppy stage ended she found the potty more often than not. We rewarded her with lots of praise, outside play time, stickers and sometimes even candy. Once she had home down we started attempting to leave the house. Even though we never left the house until Riley peed we always left in a pull-up in the beginning.

When you start venturing out it just easier to keep things under an hour and take them home to potty in between. After they're more confident you really need a travel potty. They fold right up and fit in the baby bag or your purse. Riley's is pink with Disney princesses. When you're putting them on unfamiliar public potties it helps to be able to discuss the pretty princesses (or whoever) on the travel potty. I also recommend putting a small/short book in your bag for getting them to stay put. I use If You Give A Pig A Pancake or If You Give A Mouse a Cookie.

Once Riley had a handle on going at home and while we were out we started working on overnight. We had her sleeping in Pull-ups for a while and they stayed dry so we got another potty for next to the bed. She added going potty to her bedtime routine and kept the bed dry for about a week before she started having accidents here and there.

We started getting up and helping her potty during the night which was working well except we stopped monitoring fluid intake during the night. Daddy was refilling the sippy in a sleepwalking state, a lot. As of tonight I'm strictly enforcing a one half full water cup a night rule.

Riley's been a real superstar. She spent the whole day with Grandma and used the potty at her house and Chic-fil-a with no accidents. Even though she came home and got to work "helping" Mommy with dishes she told me she needed help getting her pants down to go potty. That's our latest hurdle getting her to pull down her own pants. For some reason pulling them up is easier for her.

Go team no more diapers! Please share your tips, tricks and potty training stories.

Sneak Peak of Riley Fest 2011

Riley's second birthday bash is going to be dinosaur themed. It'll be smaller scale, but just as awesome as her first one. Just grandparents and VIB's (very important babies). Here's the first decorations:

A teacher friend loaned me the cool dinos and I made hats out of card stock and tiny pieces of pipe cleaner. Cute, right? These are just the beginning...

Close-ups!

Fake Monday

Rain, rain go away. I've been willing the inclement weather and all the swelling and inflammation it brings away. I have been pushing through and taking it easy (at least my version), but to no avail. I called in reinforcements today. My mom answered the bat signal and came to wrangle Riley and move some laundry.

It was strange to be a permanent fixture on the couch most of the day. It was strangely reminiscent of the post surgery dates, ala last summer. Only these days it's temporary, even if it's never temporary enough. I was just tired and sore, but in a stoke of good timing my DIY Bride's Crafty Countdown came in the mail. Yay! I plan to use some of the ideas for birthday party stuff as well as my "big day". I also got my mom a mother of the bride guide book. I love mail that isn't bills, so much!

We made noodles with sauce and cheese for lunch. There's always a lot of carbs on the menu when I'm hurting and stressed. It was really good. Riley eat every bite and ended up with sauce every where and I mean every where. When grandma lifted her from the booster seat I said "Oh Riley, you have sauce on your butt!." By the time grandma had delivered Riley to the tub a sweet little toddler voice was replying "Eeeewww!"

While my mom was bathing Riley I decided to read my mom some of her new book. I wasn't impressed, but it wasn't the writing. It seems all you can do these days is say "this is how they used to do it, but these days be prepared for anything." I should have gotten her a wearable gift like I did for my dad. I just want them to be excited even though they don't have traditional roles (some by their chose, some by ours). Oh, well. There was one gem in the part I read: it said not to feel guilty if you can't financially give your daughter "the wedding you never had." That love, support and a shoulder to cry on are much more important. Here, here.

We..er she got all the laundry washed and folded and headed out before another down pour. We had a terrible fast food dinner early and I was in bed as soon as the kids were down. It was a strange fake Monday. Hopefully, the weather will be sunny soon.

Happy Fourth of July!

Riley, true to form, adores fireworks! She maintained a cautious distance and told everyone "hot fire. burn." She was overjoyed by the lights and noise. I remember Riley's fourth of July in the womb. Hobbling from the wheelchair to the folding chair and feeling miserable in the heat. I held a sparkler, but Riley kicked and punched me until I felt black and blue because of all the noise. See?

Her first fourth of July last year it poured rain and I thought it was going to be a wash. It stopped at the last moment and Riley was more afraid of the now infamous frog chair then the fireworks.

The moment before she saw the chair's face.

Having fled in terror, she considers the frog chair from the safety of Daddy's arms.

Here's my little firecracker, this year


Close up on her pretty handmade barrette, Thanks Aunt D! We had a wonderful view of fireworks from the backyard. It was amazing not to have to park and trek and find "the spot." We saw lots of fireworks and when Riley was done I went inside and put her in her own bed. Perfect.

Party Season

When you became a parent and your children are a year old or older your weekends will be consumed by birthday parties. I've had three in one weekend before. According to my experience so far there are two busy seasons, late spring and mid-summer. We have hit the summer surge and I have four parties on the calender of July and one for August, so far.

I love to throw the kids birthday parties. I enjoy creative invitations, running with whatever theme we've agreed on, all the anticipation and the resulting house full of excited children. LOVE IT.

There are things to remember when throwing a successful birthday. Please, give a reasonable amount of time between invites and the party. First, for the parents sake especially in the busy season. Also, a reminder week of (brief email, quick text) is always welcome. Second, for your kids sake. If they have a summer birthday and they want to invite friends from school you have to get in touch with them early (and then remind them). If you're not up for friends and family, just remember the brunt of entertaining will fall on you.

Consider the season! I threw a party or two in the hotter months, outside where no amount of shade or well aimed fans prevented the guests from melting Wicked Witch style. Also, if you are doing an outdoor party at a hotter time of year, please don't go buy party store balloons. They wilt and pop in the heat, it's a waste. I have no luck getting streamers to stick to those park shelters. I've tried everything from scotch tape to duck tape and they always blow down anyway.

Food is always a big issue. You want kid friendly foods they can eat independently for the most part so that they can eat without assistance after their food is plated, but also something for the parents. The smaller the guest list the easier it is to please everyone. I highly recommend multiple flavors of juice and take and toss cups with lids. For our house warming I bought 2packs (figuring people could take them when they left and we'd end up with a few extra left over). There was nary a drop spilled on my rug. The older kids ate on the back patio which had to be hosed off afterward. Please, think ahead about food/drink spillage/mess before your carpet is ruined.

On a related note buy the party table cloth and napkins skip the plates. Get good sturdy paper plates, but don't worry about them having characters on them nobody looks and they're soon covered with food. Trust me, I once bought a pack of silver plates printed 100 different robots from the internet, cut them out, glued them on and glued clear plates on top. After all that hard work no one noticed. People notice the tablecloth and the cake those should be pretty skip pretty plates.

Be mindful of nap time when picking start and end times for your party. Otherwise your little one may miss it or worse yet be cranky and uncooperative. If you have little ones make sure you have a quiet place to escape to if they get overwhelmed. Change diapers right before guests arrive. Take pictures of the birthday boy or girl looking all spiffy and then give up keeping them that way. Keep parties in the 2hr range between the excitment and the sugar that's all kids can handle.

As far as going to a party, there are a few thing too. If you don't know the child well use the invitation as a clue to finding the right gift. Sometimes however you get this and you have to wing it. Depending on the age and communicative abilities of your child they may be able to help. Watch out though ever since the age of 5 Isaac always thinks the birthday boy or girl really wants the Lego set he's had an eye on. Always buy batteries for battery operated toys. Any parent trying to explain to a excited child why they have to wait to play with a new toy will thank you. Consider carefully what you do know about the birthday kid and do your best, there's always gift receipts. I recommend them because sometimes you nail it so well they already have one. I stay away from gift cards for kids there's no instant gratification. Also, I fully admit to using Isaac's to get him socks and underwear on occasion. I always prefer to wrap kids gifts when ever possible, gift bag opening is no fun. Also, cards for the little ones are a complete waste. They can't read them and don't care about them. I did save every 1st birthday card Riley received for the baby book, but Isaac's the first one to dump his cards in the trash after a party. Unless they're interactive in some way. I prefer a brief colorful note for the under 12 set myself.

Happy Parties!

Keeper of Moments

I seem to alternate between worrying the kids will never grow-up and that they'll be moving out tomorrow. Is it me or do the first two years go by in a blur? I mean it's not like the rest crawl by, but those first two move with incredible speed.

I remember wondering if Riley would ever go two hours without eating or sleep more than two hours at a time. I remember even before that, those long days in the NICU when I wondered how long we'd have to wait to take her home. It seems like minutes ago I was throwing her fabulous hedgehog themed first birthday. It seems impossible that I'm designing her 2nd birthday invitations!

Life is strange, we have so much joy and wonderment in the early days, but we don't remember it as we grow. Riley's life is so happy in these days of discovery and new independence. I wish she could hold on to these memories, but I guess that's my job. Maybe I was just as happy at 22mo and some subconscious part of me lights up and longs to go back vicariously. Her joy is pretty contagious.

Some day she'll dictate the party theme and I'll attack it with just as much vigor and better crafting technology, but for now she goes happily with the flow. Someday, it'll take more than watching the rain out the window to entertain her, but she'll always feel warm and fuzzy. She won't know why, but I'll remember her daddy and I cuddling and reassuring her through storms. She's always want things tidy and I'll tell her how she used to drag the broom around proclaiming "sweep!"

Beyond teacher, protecter, caretaker and confidant mothers are the moment keepers.

Indenpendence

Miss Roo has had another potty milestone. She was playing in the living room and she disappeared for a minute. I heard her doing something I assumed she was playing in her room. She had gone to the bathroom pushed open the door, put her seat on the potty and climbed up. The only problem was she had it on backwards. She was trying to figure out how to sit on the big potty backwards. She was pretty frustrated. We got her straightened out and she did her thing on the big potty. I gave her two gold stars (one for each hand) for being such a big girl.

Could the days of a potty in the living room be ending?!?