Adapting to Adaptation

Riley turned 11mo yesterday. I can't believe it. She has 4 teeth (two on top two on the bottom). She took her first independent step today towards her brother, of course. We are still battling the rash from hell, she's on antibiotics now. She's very, very busy. I got a bow to stay in her hair yesterday, hurray! I'm pretty sure breastfeeding is winding down and I'm ok with that. Riley even fits into her 12month clothes. SOOO BIG.

As Riley grows and my recovery drags on a whole new phase of logistical problems arise. I no longer have the ability to bend my spine or have my hands free when walking (walker, crutches, etc)and she's heavier and quicker than she used to be. I've dealt with disability stuff vs baby care issues before, but I feel really stressed doing it now. I have a wonderful Egro baby carrier which is great when sitting in the wheelchair, but as of yet my back isn't ready to wear her standing. I can lift her in and out of the high chair now that we lowered it or from the rocker to the changing table, but not for any distance.

I can't push the stroller without discomfort at this point. I'm not sure what's temporary and what's permanent at this point. I know that one of the physical therapists estimated at least a year with an assistive device. Whether or not that's realistic it's pretty certain that for the foreseeable future I'll be dealing with some limitations beyond what I had going into surgery and a walking/running toddler.

Riley comes when I call her most of the time, crawls after me in the house, and comes to me and stands up when she needs me. She's "such a trooper" just like mama, but how to keep up with her is a challenge. I worry about pulling her by the arms because I can't reach any lower on her body without bending. I also worry about the day to day once she's walking. I've gotta be able to keep ahold of her when I'm by myself. For her safety as well as mine.

So, just like sucking it up and FINALLY using the scooter at the grocery store. I find myself considering something else I thought I'd never do. A harness. They're cute now at least, shaped like happy animals and functional as backpacks. Not like either the Velcro wrist tethers that I remember from childhood or the blue harnesses that they made special ed kids wear on the school bus. Still I feel judged (mostly by myself) for even thinking about it. It doesn't help that Mike refuses to have anything to do with getting or using one, but if I didn't need it to keep her safe I wouldn't either.

So, onward we go and as ever it is overwhelming but never boring.