Eeeeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe

When I was single most of my decisions were based on impulse.  If I wanted to do something I did it. I'm hungry I'll have _____ for dinner. I feel like going out/staying in. If it was something big like changing jobs, having surgery or dating/breaking up with someone I still only had to consider what was best for me. Parenthood changes everything.

Sometimes the choices are exhausting. Wake up and start deciding, because who has the energy to plan farther ahead than a few hours? Even if you did toddlers enjoy nothing better than to thwart Mommy's best laid plans. What will the baby wear, what will she have for breakfast, is she distracted/contained enough for some tidying up, is she teething or just fussy, Tylenol?, nap?, what to give her for another snack, put in a DVD or read a book, which sippy, water or milk, color or paint, piggy or frog, swing in the yard or go to the park...on and on into infinity and that's just the day to day.

On any given day there will be an event to go to. It feels alot like traveling out of the country. There's so much to do to prepare. What if you forget something who knows if they'll have it where you're going? To go or not to go which will change at least ten times before it's final based on the baby's mood and mommy's exhaustion. What the baby should wear is a big decision based on temperature, mobility level, festiveness, and what's clean. What to bring beyond diapers and wipes is a whole logistical exercise in itself. Spare cloths have to swapped based on what she's already wearing so if you only change half the outfit (which is quicker and less of a fight) she doesn't look like a clown, etc. Whether to bring snacks and what snacks. Fruit is popular but doesn't last long in the hot car or less perishable less exciting stuff like crackers. Individually wrapped things like Gerber breakfast bars or my favorite baby food pouches. Do you pack enough to share? Do you feed her right before you depart so you hopefully won't need a snack while you're out.

What about Daycare? Should I send some books or toys from home? Did I send a sippy? Should I give her a sweatshirt to keep there? What needs to come home and what can stay until next week? Do I send Riley's "too small" clothes to daycare first and then to consignment or vise versa? Do I know anyone with a baby smaller than Riley? Should she being going to daycare more of the week?

Major life decisions although less frequent are so much more complicated than they used to be. Because I have to decide with the whole family in mind. It's one thing to change my life, but how can I persume to change theirs? Have your spine fused into a solid column of bone? I don't weigh pros and cons for me I immediately think "what will that mean for Riley?" I ponder my loss of range of motion's meaning not to me, but  to her. Asking myself "what will Riley's mom's fused back do to her?"

Just like my day to day I get her dressed and looking smashing and then think "um, the sweatpants I'm wearing that I slept in are nice enough to wear out" I am an after thought in my decisions.  I need things for her more often than I need them for me. I had surgery because I needed to be able to take care of my baby and oh yeah, there were selfish reasons too, but only as after thoughts.

Please don't mistake this for whining. I sometimes enjoy not having to think about about me, I had 27yrs of that already. I like that for a little while longer I can pick Riley's clothes and control her diet. I love knowing how well taken care of she is. Soon enough she'll have opinions about everything and a life separate from me and I'll miss this, or some of this.