Losing People

Sometimes you lose someone and it hurts, but the world starts turning again soon enough. It wasn't like that this time. Sometimes you lose someone and it hurts more because of your feelings about your own mortality than because of their importance to you. This wasn't one of those either. I have lost family and friends before. I have mourned both old and young. This was one of the very rare times where a death blew a hole in my reality.

I think some people shine a little brighter than the rest of us. When they pass and the world is a little darker you feel it more deeply. She was one of the most amazing people I have ever known. We were goofy children together. We never sat around bemoaning the things we couldn't do the world was far too full of things we could do. We understood each other, it is a wonderful thing to be understood at any age.

Even in the adolescent years we were in touch for, there was never angst or drama between us. She was one of the few people I personally know who always had to fight harder than I did. I respect that kind strength behind a smiling face. I respect it because I know what it costs to own that. She had a tremendous faith. She was only ever herself. I loved her.

I was sad not to be with her in final days, but seeing her family again it was almost if no time had passed. As I clutched her mother sobbing she revealed that my friend had even named her pet hamster after me! I laughed out loud through my tears. She would be glad she'd made me laugh in that moment.

Grief is a strange beast. I knew from the moment the news of her passing sucked all the oxygen from the room that my pain would endure longer than it had in the past. Her passing brought childhood memories streaming back to me. Reel after reel of sepia toned silliness. It brought her wonderful family back into my life. When someone loves you that much, even after years of not speaking, their family can't help but do the same. Her passing also reminded me to take a step back and count my blessings. She made her 31yrs on Earth count. She touched everyone who knew her. Now I owe it to her to make the most of my time here as well. I could never hope to do it with the same style, but I shall try to do it (as she did) with faith and a smile.