Pinkalicious New Cane

I went back to therapy for my last visit and they had no luck finding a cane in my size. I was not surprised. I've spent a lifetime hunting for things in "my size" only to conclude they simply do not exist. The next day I got a call from a local number I didn't recognize and sent it to voice mail, assuming it was something stressful that could wait. When I listened to the message it was the lady from PT explaining that she had found me a cane. I simply needed to go pick it up. She described it as "pinkish purple" and gave the impression she'd paid for it out of her own pocket.

This afternoon I went to pick it up. Low and behold it was the right size!

Test Drive

After I had given it a spin I called and left her a message thanking her. Do you like it? It's not bad looking. Pink wouldn't have been my first choice but I like it. We may spruce it up a bit more actually. It's super light and you know THE CORRECT FREAKING HEIGHT!! On the walk back to my car my sister was using my old crutch and she started complaining about her shoulder! Moving on, my friends. There's still a lot of work to be done on my shoulders to avoid shoulder surgery, but this feels like a good place. I know what's wrong and what I have to do to fix it (even if that's a ton of work).

The Moment When You Prepare for a Fight and Then Everyone Agrees With You

I begrudgingly dragged myself back to physical therapy today. Visions of wasted time dancing in my exhausted head. We got off on the wrong foot because all of my co-pays for PT I'd paid each appointment had somehow been applied to my balance at the Ortho. So, frustrating! I made a lump sum payment to the Ortho on Monday and now I have to pay my PT co-pays again?!? Oy! It wouldn't have been so bad if they hadn't acted stunned and confused by it. Add that to my "calls to make before the weekend list."

I have to admit I wasn't my usual gung-ho self at all. My dentist appt the day before went poorly and the saga that has dragged on since January (and I thought was ending yesterday) continues. So depressing. In spite of, the dark cloud over me I was determined to get the most out of this last two appointments. I did my arm bike warm-up while zoning out to some terrible pop music they had playing. I'm a big fan of Pat Benatar when I exercise, but to each their own, I guess.

When the timer went off I prepared to give my PT an earful. I mentioned the billing issue and was told for the second time to call them. Then I brought up what the shoulder doctor had said about committing to these exercises for six months until it heals. The PT seemed a little bummed that we only had today and one more visit (that makes one of us!). I did a little happy dance for no more co-pays in my head. Now he was in for it, I was going to unload about the crutches.

I was sure I'd say that I wanted to get rid of them and he'd argue with me. Have I mentioned I'm wrong a lot? Thank Goodness! He was surprised to hear I had not been a lifelong crutches user (only off and on usually post-surgery). He was also surprised (probably more so) that I don't use them in the house at all. After hearing my "Why are we doing all this if the crutches are going to be perpetually working against us" rant, he agreed!

He asked me to walk without the crutches so he could observe my gait. Then he asked me to walk with one crutch alternating sides so he could see the difference in my gait. Then he said "you should wean off of them as much as possible." He wants me to use one, but be careful to switch sides so I don't aggravate one shoulder. We also discovered my crutches are to tall for me. Shocking, I know. He wants me to find a cane. Unfortunately, the cane they had at PT was still to big even adjusted all the way down.

Ultimately, he wants me rocking the House cane when I need extra stability because (if it's the correct height) it will help with the shoulder issues. I'm down...I think. Normal people are lucky they never have to switch legs like those creepy dolls. People with mobility issues are always switching devices. I often feel resistant in the beginning. It's like driving a rental car you can't get out of, in the beginning. The next challenge is finding a cane that fits me (and I can afford). Fingers crossed!

A Lot On My Shoulders

The latest chapter in my most recent orthopedic odyssey was a trip to physical therapy this week. I've had physical therapy visits hundreds of times, and most of the time I remember them positively. At the age of three years old, I hadn't yet walked. It was during a PT appointment when my mom and grandma were told the therapist was going to "try something" and not to get their hopes up, etc... Then they put a walker in front of me. I grabbed on to that sucker and took off. I had places to go! I went straight to the vending machine in the hallway and asked for cookies, of course! Everyone hearing this tale, laughed about how the adults were in tears about this wonderful moment, while I only had a single minded desire for cookies (so little changes). I wanted a package of the little round cookies with crinkly edges, vanilla with lemon cream. I remember that part vividly.

Obviously, physical therapy has done me significant good here and there, since I was smaller than Miss Roo. This appointment was a horse of a different color, it was for my upper body. I knew I was upset about the appointment. I knew it might be painful and it would certainly be different. I had no idea that it would be a deeply emotional experience. I just wasn't prepared.

I am screaming at myself even writing about this "What is your problem! It shouldn't be this big a deal." It was. It is. It's ok for my shoulder blades to hit a 10 on the pain scale. It is NOT ok to go to physical therapy for my shoulder blades. I have never been able to rely on my lower half and conversely I have always demanded my upper body pick up the slack. It can't break. It can't join my orthopedic issue roller coaster. It is unacceptable.

As I sat there relaying my medical history it could have been a conversation about anything all. Once the evaluation turned to my pain I had a lot of trouble. I felt stupid. I got chocked up several times. I could not articulate my answers well in almost every case. It hit me hard when he asked if I needed a stool to get up on an exam table. I refused one, as is my habit. I used my arms to pull myself up and I sat down. The therapist said in a matter of fact way, "you expect a lot of your arms." I could have burst into tears right there. Dammit. Of freaking Course I do! Did? Oh God.

He told me he sees lots of people with shoulder issues, but NONE of them have fused spine AND walk with crutches. I tried to joke about how ditching the stupid things would solve everything. In case I haven't said it recently, I hate the crutches. As it turns out they (duh!) had a major part in screwing up my shoulders. He gave me an exercise to do until I come back.

I wanted to punch a wall or cry. Instead I hauled my now-furious shoulder blade out to the the desk to make some more appointments. I wanted to scream at someone because this isn't allowed to happen. Instead I collected Isaac and tried to suck it up. I hope this is an isolated issue and not a sign of things to come.

Just keep swimming.

Drip, Drip, Drop Little April Showers

Let's talk in-climate weather logistics. Honestly, since I rarely used a mobility device unless I was post surgery growing up, I guess it wasn't an issue. The first time I remember rain being an issue was in college when I was suddenly had to traverse a vast, hilly campus on wheels. Obviously, holding an umbrella was not an option while pushing my wheelchair up hills slick with rain so mostly I'd bundle up in my winter coat with my hood up.

Later, I suffered the standard how-do-I-get-the-baby-and-groceries-inside-the-house conundrum. I wasn't still using mobility devices on a regular basis. I just wished I had more hands (don't we all). When I had to carry a baby and an umbrella I was ok, but getting her and I into the car dry was always tricky. I started arranging the umbrella between the door and car roof so I had both hands free to get her situated. It meant a dry baby and mostly dry mommy. Usually, I'd get rain trickling down my back a bit before I could get in.

I'm not complaining. I don't mind being a little damp. I just wanted to give you a frame of reference. Now several years after the baby and a few major surgeries later I'm on crutches outside the house. Aside from not easily being able to manage an umbrella there's the crutches on a wet surface issue. I can't count the number of times I've had my crutches go out from under me in opposite directions on wet ladies room floor, or on a puddle-ly sidewalk. A crutch on water is like stepping on a banana peel. I've never (knock on wood) been injured seriously, but it always scares me to pieces. One-a these days Alice, broken hip!

The other issue is that anyone with bad joints or any inclination towards inflammation isn't a fan of what rain does to their body. It never used to bother me much, but I grew up and got hit by a bus. Ever since the bus, rains hurts. It doesn't always take me out of circulation, but I always feel it to some degree.

These days, I ditch one of my crutches if I can because lopsided-ness is worth umbrella coverage. I really don't care about getting wet at all, except that it makes the joint pain worse. Wet equals cold, cold equals muscle tension. I try to keep my joints warm and keep my physical activity mid-level to minimum. I take fish oil twice a day to help my joints and minimize the need for anti-inflammatories. I try to get in for regular messages and stretch often, but it doesn't always work. Best case scenario is obviously to stay in, but let's get real kids have to get to school and errands must be run even on a rainy day. I keep an eye out for puddles so I don't slip, but things happen. Mostly, I try not to be too rough on myself if the rain throws a wrench in my to do list. Luckily, I know a little girl with pink kitty rain boots who's usually up for cuddle when the rain wins.

Testing, Testing 1,2,3...

So, I took some risks last night. Calculated ones, but none the less risks. I drove my car for the first time since the end of October. That's almost three months people. More then being physically unable I have been nursing a fragile mental state, which is always when I make stupid driving decisions. So, with my new super light crutches, Riley buckled securely into her car seat and my mom in the passenger seat for moral support I drove for about 5min. No problems. I put my updated tag on even though it didn't expire until next month, happy 30th please renew everything- hugs & kisses the DMV. I digress it went well.

After my little crutches & car test drive it was time to try a crutches & Riley. She has dance class Tuesday nights. I haven't gone with her to dance class for months. We rode over with her friend and I tried the crutches/backpack combination. More accurately we did the crutches puppy combo since Mike took backpack out of my car. I forbid the removal of backpack, but Riley can be pretty persuasive. So, we borrowed the adorable puppy instead.

Riley did most of the work getting into her car seat I only buckled. When we got there she was thrilled to put puppy on. She and I were sorely out of practice at this so I expected hiccups. In the past I looped the lead around my wrist and used one crutch so I could hold her hand in the parking lot. This time I obviously needed two crutches and to walk at a much slower pace. She was a little put out having to hold two fingers and walk slow. She even tripped over the crutch once or twice, but over all she did great.

I thought it would take lots of trips before we were functional, but she figured out quickly just how fast she could go. She's a good girl I'm really lucky. Go team! She did great at dance class too. It was so nice to be there with her. She earned a pink star sticker and a lollipop! Hopefully, if I use them more often I'll get quicker and more confident and be able to take her places by myself soon.

The Crutches Are Here!

I got them this evening. They are super light, Walk Easy brand, white with pink tribal designs crutches. What do you reckon guys? Pulling the stickers off for sure, but then what? They're white so I can paint them any color(s) I want. I want to consider the wedding in the short term and off and on usage long term in this.

Seriously, I'm completely open for suggestions here folks...

New Crutches

Remember how I lost one of my crutches this summer? I Lost It! Well, I went went on using one crutch and holding Riley's hand, using the future to get around, etc for moths. When I had surgery I thought it'd be a good opportunity to ask the physical therapist to help me replace it. I wasn't in a rush though.

recently though I've become fed up with how limiting and cumbersome the damn walker is. Case in point, me on Christmas Day:

Unfortunately somewhere down the line someone abused their mobility device upgrades so now they have this iron clad rule about only replacing them every 5yrs. No exceptions, even when you loose one like a moron. Obviously, I can't do anything with one crutch in my current condition. I pressed my physical therapist to press the insurance, but we were getting no where.

After some dark thoughts about what would happen if I fell at the wedding and other disability related anxiety I was on a mission to find some crutches. A new pair is $139 if you pay out of pocket and you have to buy the pair. That would be fine normally but not post Christmas pre Wedding, no way. I started Googling and found some beautiful emerald green crutches which got my wheels turning. My current lone crutch is standard silver.

In the end Mike was the hero of the day. He found a pair on Craigslist that a nice lady who is about 5'2" old used for a brief period of time and was selling for $25. To me! They're white with pink tribal designs, but the designs peel off (stickers) and we can paint anything over the white.

I'm a little torn between going discreet (black, etc) or decorative and pretty (sparkly even?!?) We'll see. Mike's gonna pick them up Monday on his way home. I can't wait to try them out.

I Lost It!

You know the expression, you'd lose your head if it wasn't attached. It's on repeat in my head. I never lose things. I'm the organized person with an excellent memory most of the time.

I lost an appendage essentially. I often use one crutch when I have Riley so I can hang on to the backpack lead and her hand. At some point in the last two weeks (I haven't a clue when) I came back to the car somewhere (no idea where, either) propped my crutch against the car, loaded Riley into her car seat, loaded my stuff and drove away without my crutch. I cannot believe it. It's like missing a leg.

I assumed they'd become separated so I didn't look very hard until recently. I haven't a clue who to ask if they've seen it because I don't know where or when I left it behind. I'm not even positive that's what happened. It's pretty likely though.

Shoot, shoot, shoot!