Parenting in Tomorrowland

Things were very different when I was a kid. I don't want this to turn into a "when I was your age...uphill in the snow" kind of rant, but I did promise to share my thoughts. It's occurred to me off and on in adulthood that I have become so dependent on current technology I simply can't remember what I did before it existed.

Booking a flight is a good example of this. What did we do before the internet? A more day-to-day example is online banking. Did we go in to the bank and wait in line for everything? Maybe technological advance begets dependence on further technological advances. Debit cards plus internet equal dependence on online banking. Is it a bad thing? No, online bill pay saves trees. I'm getting off topic already. Technology has damaged my attention span, I'm talking to you DVR and Facebook.

Let's start there with instant gratification. Thank God for entertainment at the push of a button. The teething, cranky baby wants Dora? You got it. Mommy hasn't taken a night off for two weeks? Her Grey's Anatomy are cued up and waiting. It's not just TV either. I routinely select a bunch of books from the library from my couch. When the library emails me that they're in I walk in to the desk switch what I have for the new ones. It takes less than 2mins on a normal day. I also upload my pictures from the couch and pick them up when they're ready.

Pre-digital photography I would have had to develop the roll of film (or worse scan through boxes of negatives), wait the hour minimum or 3 days if necessary, buy a frame, cut them to the right sizes/shapes and put them in. All of that would have been mission impossible with a little one in tow. Technology saved me from having to go in at all until my collages were printed in recent years. It also saved all the people quietly reading in the library from my toddler. It's not just library books and pictures. What did people do before microwaves and convenience food? I'm quite sure I would have starved to death when Riley was an infant had it not been for Hotpockets. I used to put one in the microwave while she was napping, push the button when I heard her stirring and by the time I changed her diaper my lunch was ready. I’d nurse the baby and eat one handed on the couch most days. A little later baby food pouches saved Riley from a complete low blood sugar inspired meltdown more than a few times. The major pitfall being we've all lost any semblance of patience.

Now that I've addressed the instant gratification (or DVR effect) let's talk over stimulation. Everything does something now. Riley's toys all require batteries, light bulbs, protective headgear and engineering degrees. When did playing pretend go so completely out of style? Sometimes when the batteries die on a toy I am enraged to discover that without all the theatrics it's just an overpriced box, ball or stuffed animal. The commercials are more overwhelming than they used to be too. I always feel like my senses have been brutally assaulted after a round of commercials aimed at kids. Which why we ditched cable in favor of streaming video.

All of these things have their ups and downs …It’s a nice day out. Aside from most definitely destroying my attention span Facebook has it’s good points. It allows family and friends who are far away to watch my kids grow up. I don't think I could have survived bed rest or recovery from back surgery without the social outlet networking sites and message boards provided. Women on my pregnancy board became my other family. They understood and still do exactly where I am in my live. I have been very lucky. I hope my blog's audience grows and many mother's find comfort, entertainment and above all the information I felt lacking three years ago. It makes the world feel a little smaller. On the other hand a smaller world isn't always a good thing. I worry about my kids going up with all the information out there, all the anonymity and deception. I read an article recently about the "Facebook Blues" that said many people look at networking sites and find their own lives lacking. Of course people only represent the best of themselves online. The grass does usually seem greener and when you can passively compare your live to almost everyone you've ever met it's hard not to be overwhelmed.

There is a lot of information and a lot more lines of communication now then there ever were before. For example we are able to email Isaac's teacher and get a response same day. No more note passing, message leaving, or wondering. We can stay on top of things at school and school can stay on top of things at home.

When I was a kid I had a beautiful set of World Book Encyclopedias. I was often told when my parents didn't know something (like most kids in my generation) to look it up. I was an intelligent, resourceful kid and often found disappoint the reward for my efforts. There would often be a short paragraph giving generalize information where I had hoped for real answers. Now, if the kids are interested in something we as parents don't know a lot about we Google it together. We read wikipedia (using that also as a lesson in "don't believe everything you read"/"check your sources"). We watch youtube videos together. It's all easily accessible there's not one source there are millions upon millions.

Information is the key to functioning as effective parental unit. Wow, that sounded like a self help book. When I was a kid there was no way to tell someone to get milk on their way home if they left their office before you thought of it. Now texting has become essential. Being able to tell your spouse what to pick up on the way home any time of day you think of it without disturbing their work day. Shooting your friend a message without worrying that you’re waking up her toddler is always such a relief. Beyond texting what did we do when our cars broke down before cell phones? Did people haul themselves and screaming kids down the side of the road to a pay phone or just camp out and hope help would find them? Scary. Again, I've watched way to much Investigation Discovery to accept help from strangers.

We are dependent, cranky, unfocused and demanding thanks to technology. We are also more available, connected and informed than ever before.

Damn the Man!

We disconnected the cable this month. I know, I'm such a rebel. Sticking to the man is so satisfying. Although I guess it all comes out in the wash because now Netflix is the man instead of Verizon, but oh, well, I like them better.

Economically the cable plus equipment was running us $60 without a contact and Netflix is $10 a month and works on the equipment we already own. Plus we were renting the occasional movie for $4 each on demand. We are not a video game house. I have an awesome blu-ray player that streams Netflix, Hulu and YouTube. After our 30day free trial (unlimited streaming and one DVD at a time) we were sold. It's all “on demand” now.

Besides the savings, the thing I love most about Netflix is no commercials! I never had issues with the kids watching PBS or NickJr because they weren't any commercials, but the Nicklodeon and Cartoon Networks commercials were horrible. Just an onslaught of loud, obnoxious, junk pedaling. Which is almost as bad as the cursed video on demand channel's 24hr adds for itself. I'm pretty sure you have to listen to that garbage for eternity in one of the circles of hell.

Another big thing for me as a mom is the instant gratification. Anyone who has ever fast forward through 20min of previews before a Disney movie while a toddler cries for Nemo knows what I'm talking about. Beyond all that, getting your entertainment this way gives you a lot more control of what your kids are watching. With cable boxes we could set it to block ratings, have the guide display only the channels we favorited, and not allow video on demand. That still meant whatever was on at even given time with the appropriate rating or no rating was fair game. Who knows what Isaac's brain was soaking up some weekends.

Beyond inappropriate (or non-preferable) material and all the commercials we were slave to the cable companies scheduling and programing choices. Isaac and I bonded many an afternoon watching Time Warp Trio on the Discovery Kids Channel and then they dropped it in favor of a channel that sprinkles re-makes of 80's cartoons in with their commercials now and then. It was a devastating blow. Now mom and dad make the line-up with educational shows, family friendly movies and the original 80's versions of the cartoons. Riley loves She-ra, my little Princess of Power.

The empty spaces where the cable boxes used to be makes me smile. The increased selection and cash flow thrill me. I just feel liberated. It was the right thing for us all the way.

Hello, Dave.

I apologize for this not being "on topic", but sometimes even the best of us color outside the lines. I promise to talk about parenting and technology very soon, it's still percolating.

Let me preface this entry by saying how deeply and passionately in love with my G.P.S. I truly am. It is the great love of my life, as far as modern technology goes. I never would have survived my years in LA without it. It is an amazing gadget, 90% of the time. Every so often, it has a bad hair or doesn't get enough sleep or something. On those days, bad things happen.

Yesterday, we set off as a family in the afternoon, after nap time. We were originally destined for the splash pad to meet one of Riley's baby friends. I'd been there 3 or 4 times before, but it's been too cold to go for months now. I had vague memories of where it was, but it didn't matter because we had the G.P.S. We loaded up and punched in the address which seemed straightforward enough. I glazed over in the the passenger seat listening to the noise of a backseat full of excited children.

The next thing I knew we were exiting the highway early and weaving through unsavory neighborhoods. Mike's blood pressure started to rise as the strange commands to drive through neighborhoods on small side streets continued. I, having loved and depended on the G.P.S. this long, convince myself it's showing us a short cut.

After about 10 minutes of what felt like gratuitous turns I started to worry too. I double checked the address and the step by step directions. I didn't know what to think. That's when Mike asked (I'll spare you the expletives) if I had it set to no highways. Oopsie. Still, what a route!

The kicker was we arrived, finally, frazzled and irritable and had to immediately turn around and leave. That's a story for another day. We decided as long as everyone was in the car we'd run a few quick errands. We made our now weekly trip to Joann's Fabric and then debated whether or not to hit Toys-R-Us while we were in the neighborhood. We did and the kids made out like bandits. I felt so guilty about getting them all excited about the splash pad and then having to leave so they got an awesome kiddie pool with slide, squirt guns and a crazy caterpillar sprinkler guy. It was the last stop that was the problem.

Mike needed to go to a certain Lowes to get paint for his car. Apparently, ours is sold out and this one had a whole case of the stuff. Also, it's important to note Riley soiled her regular diaper and I only had swim diapers with me so we were on borrowed time there. Mike looked up the address on his phone and we eagerly punched it in to the G.P.S., everyone deserves a second chance.

It was a nightmare once again. Weird commands to leave major roads and make strange overly complicated sets of turns. We double checked avoidances to make sure we were having the same issue twice, but it turned out the route was just ridiculously over complicated. The kids were tired, Riley had finished her water and was demanding more which I didn't have and traffic was increasing every second. Maybe there used to be construction on that road or something...

As the stress level in the car was reaching critical mass the G.P.S. ordered one last ridiculous set of 5 turns where one turn the other direction would have put us in the parking lot and we were now sitting on the wrong side of a busy 4 lane road staring at our destination. I turned the G.P.S. off with gusto at this point. Stupid thing.

The time before that was so much worse because we were in an unfamiliar state(s). We had driven from LA to Georgia with no problems. I even remember thinking, "Gosh, I guess trip-tics are obsolete now." I once misread one and drove 3hrs out of my way, but that couldn't happen with my lovely G.P.S.. I've been wrong before. It was the last leg of the journey and we'd come so far unscathed.

The trouble started when we realized we'd be driving through Atlanta at rush hour (YIKES!). We set it to avoid highways and checked the route, scrolled through the whole route zooming in on the map and passed it back and forth between us. When we were satisfied we'd done it we were off. The miles and hours ticked by. I may even have slept, but at some point I noticed signs saying Alabama. "Mike, why don't any of the signs say Georgia?" He wasn't sure either. We kept going for about 20minutes and then we were sure something was wrong and Isaac had to pee (or had an accident or something I'm fuzzy, but I remember urgency).

When we stopped I took the opportunity to ask where in the heck we were. We'd been driving almost exactly the time it should have taken to get home and we weren't there. It turned out we'd been driving the wrong direction this whole time. We were stunned.

It turns out all that trying to avoid Atlanta tapping of the screen somehow added Sneaky Pete's Hot Dogs in Alabama as a via point! So Mike had been taking surface roads the opposite direction of where were headed for hours because the G.P.S. thought we really wanted hot dogs! Don't you think there should be a confirmation message if you set a via point over 20 miles in the opposite direction of your destination? My email makes me confirm like 10 times if I call something junk and that's reversable. Geez, G.P.S.!

The detour was traumatic and we did end up driving through Atlanta in horrific traffic after all. There were times in LA when the G.P.S. would insist I get on the highway somewhere and there was no longer an on ramp or there was construction and no matter what buttons I pushed or which way I drove it sent me back there. Usually only when I was running late for an important audition.

I find myself laughing at the car insurance commercial where the G.P.S. commands a turn and the guy smashes into another car because it seems so silly. We're still the drivers, we have eyes and brians. If the G.P.S. is wrong we should ignore it with confidence.

I think the issue is people have never trusted an earlier piece of technology the way we trust our G.P.S.. Maybe our cars, but we generally control the vehicle, and not the other way around. The G.P.S. barks orders and we happily follow, trusting it to take us where we want to go. It's a big responsibility. So, I guess it makes sense that 3 or 4 times in the last 5yrs mine has buckled under the pressure.