Love, Baby Carriage...Marriage?

Here's a statistic I read while pregnant: "60% of all couples in the United States live together before they get married and 1/3 of them have babies first."

I hadn't been ready to stir up any controversy blogside, but the time has come for this post. Where to even begin. I have a baby. I am not married. Believe me there are people who wanted me to rush to a court house the minute the test showed two lines. I, however, do not own a time machine and in my opinion being pregnant before you're married doesn't change if you have a marriage license before anyone finds out. Also, pregnancy was not a good enough reason to make that kind of commitment especially in a big rush.

I waited until I was 28 years old with a college degree and some world experience to become a mother. I had a baby with someone who I knew would be a wonderful father. Even if the exact timing wasn't what I hoped it was on my terms. No matter what happens between Mike and I at this point I know Riley will always have two parents who love her and are mature enough to always function as a team whether we're together or not.

I'm also observant enough to know that a marriage certificate is no guarantee. There is no magic change-o-ray emitted, you promise yourself to the person they've always been, not the person you want them to be.

All that said he did officially propose and we are planning to be legally married. I always thought I'd never do it. I really believed I'd co-habitate with someone and never make it legal. I just didn't feel like I needed that. I wanted to pursue my dreams, be free to have adventures and be loved by someone without involving legalities. I was never one of those girls who couldn't wait to get married and have babies. I just didn't really see either in my future.

It wasn't the first time I've been (or will be) wrong. So, after instantly going from a single woman to 1/3 of a family my perspective shifted (among other things). It seemed more important to be validated and have some ceremony and contract. I was already wife and mother either way, so why shouldn't I get a big party in honor of the partnership I was already committed to? Why shouldn't I have a nice piece of jewelry and some fuss over how pretty I look in a white dress?

I wrestle with the idea of how I've conformed. Children, marriage...what's next a house in the suburbs with a white picket fence? Probably not. Putting down roots has never precluded having adventures in my opinion. So, here we go, doing all those thing we're expected to in unexpected ways and out of order.