Adventures in Lactation

Recently I woke up to the sensation that my skin on my chest was stretched to capacity and was going to burst. I have this image of when I was a kid and I'd roll out or stretch out the play dough until it tore holes. Even though I was sleeping in a bra with nursing pads I had soaked through the nursing pad, the bra, my shirt and was laying in a small puddle of breast milk. Yuck.

Having graphically recounted that I must add it does happen, but very very rarely. There's enough doom and gloom about breastfeeding and I have no intention of adding to it. Also, the solution is simple you just feed the baby and then all is right with the world or at least your boobs.

That event definitely made me feel a post about breast feeding was long overdue. Let's start at the beginning...
Expectations.

Michael scared me to death with stories about how hard it would be and a handful of people and episodes of "Baby Story" reinforced this. So, I went into it determined but scared. Also, I had no idea what the timeline for this would be. I mean it's not like anyone ever tells you about breastfeeding until your pregnant. I wasn't sure how long I could or should do it. The unrealistic concept of the actual level of commitment was in there too (24hrs a day 7days a week on call with no breaks).

The Reality: A Rough Start
Riley was born at 34wk 4d gestation by c-section. She went to the NICU immediately. I went to the recovery room where I began demanding a breast pump. I'd been contracting for 7hours, had major surgery was drugged and exhausted and I knew there was a short window to convince my body to gear up for feeding a baby.

They moved me to a room and I continued to demand a pump. Once I FINALLY obtained one I pumped and went to sleep. I woke up in the middle of the night needing assistance and was told if I could sit in a chair for 15-20min I could go down and see the baby at 7am. I was of course in that chair as soon as they'd let me. I went racing over to the NICU the second my time was up, only to be told I couldn't see my baby and to come back in a few hours.

I called down to make sure I'd get to see her and was told no. I thought about this for about 10 seconds before I called back in tears and demanded to see my baby that I hadn't seen for more than a few seconds as they wheeled her away and had yet to hold. They caved. They allowed me to give her a bottle of formula first and then try to breastfeed.

Unlike a healthy baby who gets wheeled into to see you in your room accompanied by a nurse or lactation consultant or both we were kind of on our own. So, I gave it a try, but having no clue what I was doing didn't know whether we'd been successful. So, I requested a lactation consultant meet us for the next feeding.

And so I used every resource the hospital I delivered at and the children's hospital offered. I wanted to figure it out. Riley and I needed lots of practice. The NICU allotted me 15-20min to breastfeed and then she had to take a supplement bottle of breast milk. I pumped and "fed" the baby around the clock except for the (1am and 4am feeds).

It was not the most conducive environment to breastfeeding. Running back and forth between hospitals and the scrutiny of the NICU staff. You can't measure breastfeeds so they'd rather you just pump and bottle feed so they get all their precious numbers. Preemies have an underdeveloped suck reflex. The latch took us a long time and she kept biting down with her gums. Really the biggest obstacles was sleepiness. We were required to feed on the hospital's schedule not Riley's schedule. Poor kid got a cold cloth to the face repeatedly in those early days.

Getting the Hang of it
When we got home I panicked that I'd do something wrong she wouldn't grow and they'd re-admit her to the hospital. I set my alarm to wake me up every three hours overnight and woke her up to feed her. There was even an incident in the middle of the night when Mike had to remove the screaming baby from my arms because I was crying and asking her why wouldn't she eat. But the first pediatrician apt came and she had gained a few ounces since being discharged and I relaxed.

I turned off the alarm and let Riley tell me when to feed her. I stopped pumping so my body would get used to Riley's demand and not continue making enough milk for twins. Holy Engorgement Batman that was a crappy couple of days. But I toughed it out and we fell into a routine. Form what I hear the first two weeks or so are hell for everyone, but if you make it through you never regret it. I love it. I had thought I'd be weening by now, but Riley and I are happy so we'll keep on keeping on for now.