We've done the research and discussed the options (and the budget). Riley will be starting full time (M-F,9-5) daycare as soon as Isaac's summer camp ends. I'm going to get serious about my writing and start taking better care of myself. I am still her mother 24hrs a day, but I am also ready for time apart. I've been on full time Riley duty for two years. I am not dropping her off with minimum wage strangers who have no investment in her future. I am leaving her with my best friend who loves Riley like a daughter. Riley will get a few more days with her best friends and I will gain a few more productive hours in my day.
I think our society is all about extremes. The all or nothing attitude is impossible to live up to. I am her mother and I love her. I would have chosen to be with her as much as possible under any circumstances. I'm grateful for the time we've had. This way I can take care of the house and the kids and myself. I need to finish healing and find the next step and it's hard to do those things with an almost 2yr old hanging on you.
It's the right decision. She'll be thrilled. I may eventually make great strides in healing and self discovery. As an added bonus Mike and I can have lunch together when he works from home. It would be nice to get to know each other as a couple again. I think the months before we make it legal are a good time for that.
It does make me feel a little overwhelmed. I have so many things I want to do and now I'll have time to do it.
WOW, Full Time, I knew Mike had a good job but did not realize it was that good. The only stay at home mothers I ever knew that had full time day care lived on Brightwaters Blvd or Park Street. So if it turns out to be too much for the bank account remember. You have one retired Grandfather who would be very pleased to spend one day a week with his one and only Grandchild (at no Charge). There are two stay at home Grandmothers who might be willing to keep Riley a if not more each week. I bet all us Grandparents could use more bonding time, I know I feel behind the curve on that account.
ReplyDeleteso so sad
ReplyDeletei see the novelty of being a stay at home mom has worn off in 2 years Now looking for something else to take her place Motherhood must not be fulfilling any more How hypocritical of you
ReplyDeleteNot stay at home as much as work from home. Writing, helping out at Riley's day care, volunteering at Isaac's school, etc.
ReplyDeleteMaybe your attitude is way it's hard for me to except my status...
You have 2 grandchildren.
It is sad watching them grow, isn't it?
ReplyDelete"i see the novelty of being a stay at home mom has worn off in 2 years Now looking for something else to take her place Motherhood must not be fulfilling any more How hypocritical of you"
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
What is hypocritical? Putting her in daycare instead of keeping her home until kindergarten? I would love to hear your take on the situation. Did you stay home with your kids until kindergarten or home school?
I dont think its hypocritical at all. Mothering dosent dtop just because they are at school (or daycare). Besides trying to help bring in money, you still are there washing their clothes, buying food, running a house.And writing, or whatever your job is fits right in. Save gas, working from home. Volenteering is very valuable. Anyone who knows you, knows you are doing it for the right reasons. You will NOT be sitting around eating Bon bons!!
ReplyDeleteI worked full time outside the home, my kids went to daycare fulltime, until kindergaarten. I made time for Quality time with my girls. And they turned out just fine.<3 Its as good for the child, as it is for the mom. Thats my opinion. Why are people being outright nasty and rude. Maybe they dont know you, its a new generation folks.
ReplyDeleteShe's not giving up motherhood, she is giving something to her child. I'm also a disabled mom, with just one child (she's six months older than Katie's girl). I started Kennedy in playschool at 17 months. She goes two mornings a week in the school year and it has been the BEST thing for both of us. Trying to do everyday errands with a rambunctious toddler is difficult for anyone to do, when a person has a disability it's nearly impossible. For us, using playschool/daycare is just another adaptive measure. It may not be what everyone needs, but for us it is needed.
ReplyDeleteAlso, my daughter has gotten so much out of going to school. She is socialized, she has very little separation anxiety, she has learned basic classroom rules (which as a former teacher, I know is not something every kid learns. Then they spend all of kindergarten playing catch-up). Kennedy is a happy kid at school. If I thought for one moment it wasn't what was best for her then i would never send her. I'm sure that Katie and Mike are also doing what is best.
Anonymous- be supportive of others parenting, don't condemn. It's hard enough being a parent without your negative attitude.
Anyone who knows you, Katie, should know that all of your decisions, ESPECially where your family is concerned, are very carefully mulled over. You have one of the sweetest, brightest little kiddos ever, and you are honestly one of my mom ...heros, because you give your heart and soul into doing the best you can for Riley and Isaac. I have to admit that I have always been against the general notion of kids being raised in daycare, having worked in one where the kids were dropped off super early before school and picked up as late as possible into the evening because their parents worked all the time...but this situation does not fall under that purview. D's daycare is just about the best place any kid could be next to with a full time parent. Probably better in many cases. I know that if I could afford to have Jack at a place like her's a couple times a week, he would benefit terrifically- it is such a stimulating, fun environment, with tots that Riley has grown up with and a kind hearted, patient professional at the helm. My feelings are hurt on your behalf for the first few comments, particularly the mean ones...I'm actually pretty pissed off. Do these people not know you at all? Do they know what kind of kid you have, or what kind of environment we are talking about here? I am willing to bet that you and Mike have talked about all of your options, and what is best for the family, and what you can reasonably afford, at length, and I'm also willing to bet that you are going to assess how things are going as they happen and make adjustments accordingly, because that is just how you are! You make smart, thoughtful decisions, and you have learned to adjust to circumstances your whole life without compromising too much of yourself.
ReplyDeleteOne of life's most frustrating things, the way I see it, is how mercilessly we all judge one another. Factor in motherhood, and the weight of all of that judgement can be so crushing. But it doesn't seem like it comes from a place of concern; in many cases it comes from a place of insecurity over one's own choices. Yuck. I'm as guilty as any but usually I try to ask myself why I am reacting so strongly...or I just gripe privately to Ryan (thats what spouses are for :o)...but in this case, more power to you, K-bear. You are a smart, talented, ballsy woman and a loving mother and I know you will always do what is best for your kids.-Rebekah
I don't personally agree with daycare, however, there are much worse things. I let Laura go to pre school when she was almost 4 and she loved it. It was twice a week 2.5 hours. Starting in December, it will be 5 days a week for 3 hours. She learned so much and grew lots. I disagree that using daycare means the novelty wore off. If the child is well taken care of, learning, and growing - then it certainy isn't harming anyone.
ReplyDelete