Getting Ready for the Next Round

Last night I started really thinking about discussing my test results with the doctor. I had flashbacks of the first time this happened and that even in the emergency room setting I felt like no one was listening. Even after they had gone in laparoscopically for a picture of the mass no one was listening to me. They wanted to send me home doped up and hope it went away on it's own. I fought harder and they agreed to remove it. I'll never forgot the doctor standing at my bedside apologizing to me. Thank God I pushed. The thing is the whole ordeal was supposed to be one of those freak events almost never happens. So why is it happening again?

Even before the pain started I complained that something was wrong. I listened when she said it was nothing, but I refused to go on anything to regulate my hormones. I believe the exact sentiment was "if it bothers you, go back on the pill." Then the pain started and I was sure I knew the score. The clear ultrasound threw me for a loop and doomed me to months and months of more suffering. I stalled under the erroneous belief that it had to be a GI issue.

Now a year out from when the pain started I know I was right and I am terrified. I'm absolutely horror struck that it went on this long. I had to fight to get my results from the cat scan in the right hands. It doesn't bode well for me. I was told things that can't possibly be right in the absence of my doctor.

Today I left a message asking if the Dr. had seen my results. Gloves on, although I've lost track of the round number. The nurse I've grown so disdainful of after the faxing of results fiasco called me back after an hour. The moment of hope I felt glancing at the caller ID was dashed when I answered. Even the sound of her cigarette riddled voice tightened my stomach. "The doctor wants you to have an ultrasound."
[Long conversation about repeating the test when showed nothing at the beginning of the process. Mostly, me making valid points while she repeats her original statement in different ways]
In the end I relented. I will have ANOTHER ultrasound in a few days. The difference is this time the Dr. will see me as soon as am done to discuss all of the results from the scan and the ultrasound.

I'm hoping we have a plan we can agree on by the time I leave, but I'm afraid there will be a long boxing match first. "This the most common cause...." "but this is my history" "True, but the odds..." "The odds of having it the first time..." "It maybe slower this way..." "I've already been dealing with pain that would have sent me to the ER if I did have to work out kid logistics for a year! Now's not the time to hope it goes away..." etc...

This time I have my age and the fact that I've already had a baby working for me rather than against me at least. Maybe I'm paranoid, having not yet actually spoken to the doctor it's hard to know what she thinks. I'm still grateful that at least the fight for answers is over and now it's about a plan.