Tolerance- Capacity to Endure

Today is exactly one month since my back surgery. Today I had my last home visit from physical therapy. Don't worry this isn't a rant about how the insurance dictates treatment instead of the doctors wishes or patient's needs (believe me I could fill a blog with that). It's about the lack of guidance or ceremony these milestones are greeted with in adulthood. There is a complete lack of cheerful nurses in cartoon character scrubs to say: "Great job, you dressed yourself! Now, try tying your shoes." There's no support system of medical professionals to caution: "Don't do all those dishes your ankles and knees will swell". Instead the doctors tell you to do things "as tolerated".

The only way to know if you can "tolerate" something is to do it...scary. It's kind of like being asked if you have an allergy to a food and responding "I guess we'll find out" as you take a bite.

I find it interesting that the medical profession choose that word. The title to my post is the dictionary definition of the word. Doctors don't tell you to go ahead and do the amount of weight bearing you're "comfortable with" or walk until you feel "fatigued" or stretch until you "have a sense of accomplishment". I think you see where I'm going here. Every mundane task I regain is an experiment. If I try it and it goes well then it is mine once again. Of course that is the best case scenario. More often I try out of impatience and fail. Sometimes I try and succeed and spend anywhere from hours to a full day in bed/tears. Who decides what tolerance is? It seems to be a broad spectrum. Like when they say what's your number on the pain scale and you tell them. They follow up with and where are you usually? I always give the number I am most often and also the highest I can tolerate without medication. I think the same person who decided someone in pain would be able to articulate it in numeric value came up with "as tolerated". Honestly, If I never did anything that caused me pain/discomfort or fatigue it wouldn't leave a lot.

Is tolerance the goal? If I finish washing dishes/doing laundry/putting kids to bed and I'm still upright I'm pretty sure I tolerated it. I'd like to stop thinking about how much pain or fatigue each thing I do causes. I would like to get up and get ready in the morning without thinking about it. I'd like to run to the store without help or pick up my kid from school. I think my tolerance for pain and fatigue are high (much higher than my tolerance for frustration). I also think my goals lay pretty far beyond tolerance. Onward past tolerance...