When the court date came I was a wreck. I wasn't thrilled about being in the same room with him again. I felt stressed, like I was taking a big test I had no idea how to prepare for. I knew the best thing to do would be keep my mouth shut and only answer the questions I was asked. I printed call logs and emails and brought them with me. I sat in that courtroom listening to other people's horrible stories of assault, abuse and child neglect and I wanted to run away. I brought a friend for moral support. He brought six people.
The judge asked if he really called me "6-10 times a day" He replied "Until she blocked my number." "You called her 6-10 times a day everyday after she told you she didn't want to speak to you...until she blocked your number?" "Yes! We had a connection! You don't understand." "Um...you were only together a few weeks." "It was an amazing connection." "She told you she didn't want to speak to you" "I know." It just went on and on like that. It was almost funny. I sat mutely until I was asked direct questions. I can't imagine what that judge thought of me? What kind of person would invite that guy into her life? At one point she asked him a question and in the mother of all non-sequiturs he replied "I don't know if you noticed but she's disabled! I always respected that." Wow. What?!?
In the end the judge ordered that the protection order stay in place for another 30 days and added "I think it's best if you just stay away from each other." At which point he stammered "Do I have to register or something?!?" almost funny especially when you consider that he had worked as a legal secretary before pursuing music. I felt relieved that day, but I didn't stop worrying he might show up until I moved out of state.
Luckily for me, he was terrified of authority. After watching the Stalked TV show I learned that for a lot of people who engage in this kind of behavior their obsession trumps any fear of repercussions. I only spent a couple months being harassed and scared, but it felt like a lifetime.
Now technology allows you to block individual numbers from your cell phone, but like I said when he believed he couldn't call me he flooded my email and showed up instead. It was a terrible time for me. I came out of it stronger and healthier for having dealt with old issues in the process. It wasn't a set of mistakes I'd ever repeat. I don't think he wanted to control me, I think he truly believed I would find his insane behavior romantic. I think he liked the drama of the far more serious relationship he invented in his head. Who knows if he would have gone away quietly if I had rejected him after that first date...It doesn't matter though because I fully admit my mistake. You can't put yourself out there when you're in severe emotional distress like that. It was a bad call. Standing up for myself, however, was a great one.
Wow, I just read your story. Scary guys are scary. I had to get a ppo against my ex, he wouldn't leave my house. And I did have a sheriff serve him. He smashed everything in the house and made a big mess, but I finally got rid of him. What touched me is the part where you wondered what the judge might think of you for having associated with him. I felt the same the night I had to call the cops. They asked if there were any children in the house and I said "I'm dumb, but I'm not that dumb!" I think everyone's entitled to a few mistakes, especially in their 20's. It makes you appreciate what you have now so much more. -Colleen
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