Your Mom Could Beat Up My Mom!

I was reading a friend's blog (not a fellow blogger I now consider a friend although we've never met, but a friend-in-real-life's web log.) and she mentioned her precocious little 5 year old daughter's dramatic accusation that she had not won the jumping competition at camp that day because her mother never taught her how. Her mother, like myself, has CP. I pondered this a long minute after I read it. I used to worry as a child that if I ever had kids they would grow up and resent my disability one day. I decided as a kid that a)I was awesome and b)I was NEVER having kids.

Clearly, I was at least half wrong there. Funny, I never stressed over what Riley would make of my physical ineptitude for anything athletic or requiring balance. Maybe it was the fact that Mike already had a very active 5yr old when we met. I had to adapt quickly. I didn't teach Isaac to ride a bike, that was a job for his dad, but I did teach him to swing by himself and tie his shoes. He seemed to have the physical milestones well in hand.

I just needed to teach him the stuff I was good at. Fine. Good. Mike can do the running and jumping. I never thought about how balanced we are in that way. Just last weekend we took Riley to a gymnastics birthday party. I got her ready to party and then socialized and took pictures. Mike jumped, flipped, ran and climbed.

One day, surely the kids will realize that I'm different than the other moms. They will probably even resent it at some point, but all parents (aka human beings) have strengths and weaknesses. My mother certainly never taught us sports of any kind and she was perfectly able bodied. I resented my parents not being cooler or having more money briefly over the course of my adolescence. So, my kids can go for the easy, obvious failings if they so choose.

I have moments like the other day when Isaac asked why we never go to the beach, when I feel a bit guilty. Any post surgery, injury or exhaustion moment when my kids are full of energy, that I feel mopey. On the honeymoon when all Mike wanted to do was snorkel and I epically failed (and then childishly whined about it), I felt guilty. Doesn't he deserve a wife that can snorkel? Don't the kids deserve a mom who can play at the beach? Or ride bikes with them? Sure they do.

The reality is they don't have one of those. Just like they don't have a mom who can reach the top of the fridge without a step stool. They have me and I get the job done. They have a dad who can run, jump, flip, etc so they're lucky that way. Mike and I balance each other in lots of ways. Do they deserve a dad who doesn't feel anxiety meeting the other parents? Probably, but that don't have one. I pick up the slack there and no one misses out on much.

I suppose it's all well and good to ponder it as a hypothetical. I imagine it will be much more emotional when Riley accuses me of ruining her life because I can't help her with her pliés or pirouettes. Somehow it will be my fault when Isaac, who is currently going through an incredibly spoiled sport phase, doesn't win some kind of physical competition or doesn't get to go on a class trip because I'm just not capable of supervising a spelunking expedition. It will sting, but I'm only as perfect a parent as I am a human being. I have done and will do everything I can to make sure their childhoods' are full of new experiences, but please don't ask me to take them to the beach by myself, UGH.

No Kids Allowed

A friend turned me on to STFU, Parents. It's a blog about over sharing on Facebook. It has claimed countless minutes of my life while Riley napped, and inspired a few lively discussions between Mike and I.

For example, I fully admit to taking a picture of Isaac peeing into a river while we were camping a few years ago, but I did NOT post it to Facebook. And while I'm totally guilty of potty training related statuses, I've never stopped changing a diaper or helping a kid on the potty to take a picture and put it on Facebook. I'm totally guilty of "Mommy Jacking" (hijacking someone else's post to talk about my kids), but never on a status about someone dying. Sometimes it's hard to remember that even though your life revolves around the kids no one else's does. I guess most of us have made our fair share of missteps on the inter web social scene. Those of us who never learned in real life will always be inappropriate and attempt to make everything about them. A passive aggressive medium only makes the passive aggressive folks well...worse.

That's all to be expected, but what blew my mind was all the parents being demanding and judgmental. Looooong speeches on people's walls about how you don't count as a worthwhile human being until you have children. What the? Most of them are new parents, ummm...weren't you one of "those" people a few months ago? Jeepers. There are great people without kids and probably more to the point there are not so great people who are parents. I understand that the world changes completely when you have children and a good parent does deserve credit. You shouldn't have to put down others to get it. I do not think your loss of the single lifestyle means you should be nasty to those who haven't made that sacrifice.

The biggest thing these high and mighty parents say over and over that has always bothered me is that their children should always be invited and included in everything. One mom said every event should include her children and have snacks and activities! Whoa. Here's how it works you don't go to these things until you're okay leaving the kids with a sitter. That's all there is to it. Most of the time there is a very good reason kids aren't welcome somewhere. Safety, time of day, appropriateness of activity, etc. I have been on both sides of this issue. I have thrown adults only events and attended them without my children. As a parent I don't want to bring my children somewhere they haven't been invited. In the best case scenario the kids will be bored. I take it as a sign I need a few hours off and take them. If you can't be away from your kids for a few hours then stay home. That my friends is the sacrifice you're always harping about. The idea is to balance the family friendly stuff with the stuff that isn't, not to demand everyone caterer to your family's needs all the time.