Closer Together, Farther Apart

Things have changed so much between my childhood and raising my children. It's completely confusing. Our social interactions are nothing like they once were. The internet brought so much convenience to our lives, but it altered the way relationships are conducted on some levels. For good and bad. I reconnected with my husband via cyberspace. On the other hand I've looked in on some ghosts from past I should not have. I've been bullied and hurt by strangers I have never met. I've formed support systems that have gotten me through some dark days. The passiveness and anonymity are hard to resist sometimes. I've derailed a bit, but attention span is part of it too. Everything interpersonal is different. Especially, the delivery of bad news.

I remember an Outer Limits episode more eloquently stating that technology allows us to get farther away from one another. We physically move apart because we can rely on technology to keep us "connected". It's not the same as physically being near one another at all. I would have certainly lost touch with almost everyone I went to high school with without social media. The trade off is that their lives are reduced to an infrequent collection of far away bits of information and images. Will I ever choose to pick up the phone and call them and actually hear their voice when I can read their page instead? In most cases, no.

All I could think as I stared at the horrible news, actual. horrible. news. in my news feed was how alone I was with it. Someone who I remembered for his kindness had suffered a tragedy that made front page news across the country. I wept for him, but other than sharing the donations page I couldn't do anything. Someone I hadn't seen in years had been through something awful. Truly, horrifying.

I turned to Mike for someone to talk to and realized how strange it all was. Someone I knew who hasn't been part of my day to day life for years, that you've never met, has had something horrible happen. What could he say? When I was younger you would get a phone call. The caller would ask you to sit down and they would give you the bad news. At which point you would discuss what happened with the messenger and begin to process the information. Even better they'd tell you in person not just offering an empathetic ear, but a hug or hand to hold.

Now we are connected enough to hear and share the news sometimes, but not to connected enough to discuss it with someone else who would understand. I felt the same way each time one of my college professors passed away. There was all this sadness and no one to share my grief with or even be nostalgic with. Maybe it would be worse not to know at all. Maybe it would be better in some cases? Connected and disconnected all at the same time. Such a strange way to live.

No Kids Allowed

A friend turned me on to STFU, Parents. It's a blog about over sharing on Facebook. It has claimed countless minutes of my life while Riley napped, and inspired a few lively discussions between Mike and I.

For example, I fully admit to taking a picture of Isaac peeing into a river while we were camping a few years ago, but I did NOT post it to Facebook. And while I'm totally guilty of potty training related statuses, I've never stopped changing a diaper or helping a kid on the potty to take a picture and put it on Facebook. I'm totally guilty of "Mommy Jacking" (hijacking someone else's post to talk about my kids), but never on a status about someone dying. Sometimes it's hard to remember that even though your life revolves around the kids no one else's does. I guess most of us have made our fair share of missteps on the inter web social scene. Those of us who never learned in real life will always be inappropriate and attempt to make everything about them. A passive aggressive medium only makes the passive aggressive folks well...worse.

That's all to be expected, but what blew my mind was all the parents being demanding and judgmental. Looooong speeches on people's walls about how you don't count as a worthwhile human being until you have children. What the? Most of them are new parents, ummm...weren't you one of "those" people a few months ago? Jeepers. There are great people without kids and probably more to the point there are not so great people who are parents. I understand that the world changes completely when you have children and a good parent does deserve credit. You shouldn't have to put down others to get it. I do not think your loss of the single lifestyle means you should be nasty to those who haven't made that sacrifice.

The biggest thing these high and mighty parents say over and over that has always bothered me is that their children should always be invited and included in everything. One mom said every event should include her children and have snacks and activities! Whoa. Here's how it works you don't go to these things until you're okay leaving the kids with a sitter. That's all there is to it. Most of the time there is a very good reason kids aren't welcome somewhere. Safety, time of day, appropriateness of activity, etc. I have been on both sides of this issue. I have thrown adults only events and attended them without my children. As a parent I don't want to bring my children somewhere they haven't been invited. In the best case scenario the kids will be bored. I take it as a sign I need a few hours off and take them. If you can't be away from your kids for a few hours then stay home. That my friends is the sacrifice you're always harping about. The idea is to balance the family friendly stuff with the stuff that isn't, not to demand everyone caterer to your family's needs all the time.