Everything has been building. The stress, the tension, the pain...I've been "taking it easy", but it's rare that I have a moment that I'm willing and able to have the catharsis, I clearly need at this point.
The universe has been nudging me in that direction. Last night at 10:00 there was a horrible noise out front and Michael ran out to find his car side swiped. Talk about adrenaline, phew. Then I woke up at 4:30am with a low grade fever drenched in sweat. I had trouble time getting back to sleep and then Riley was up at 6am. I was exhausted and I had to get Riley to her pediatrician for her 6mo check up and more shots. Like clockwork when we hit the 4hr mark after her appt she was a seriously cranky girl. At about that point I got a phone call that my high school friend and neighbor's 1yr old had passed away. As I sit, raw nerves absorbing all this the pouring rain begins and my pain increases exponentially.
Don't worry this isn't an entirely "woe is me" post. I wrote about my friend's loss on one of my mommy boards and someone who read it went to give her son one more kiss and found him tangled in his blankets. He had turned blue. He's ok, she saved his life with that good night kiss. I held Riley while she slept for over an hour tonight.
I'm so grateful for all that I have, especially Riley. I'm just a little black rain cloud, the rain will come. I just hope I'll feel relieved instead of weak and stupid.
Kaite, I was just telling my husband last night how paranoid I am about blankets. I saw my son on the baby monitor the other night with his blanket up over his head.. I flew out of bed, up the stairs and whipped that blanket off. Itold him "never again" and he just thinks I am being paranoid. Then, I read this post. Iam so sorry for your friends, and the pain and suffering you all are going through. I just can't imagine. God is good, however, and he will pull you through. I've never met you in person, but admire you for your strength. U give so much to those around you.. and the FF ladies just adore you to death!(especially me.. although Iam not on there much anymore. Hang in there.. this too shall pass.
ReplyDeleteBig hugs sweet lady.xxxxxx
ReplyDeleteI hugged my kids a lot closer after your post.
I also decided to start looking more on the bright side and getting rid of some stresses. Life can be too short.
xxxxx