Day 3 of Pump and Dump 2010

Today was same old same old minus the engorgement (not that they're not sore or that I'm comfortable). I'm still sad and Riley is still having a complete meltdown about 6 times a day. The change is that today I "tried" to embrace my freedom (as much as I can pumping every two hours).

First I rushed everyone out the door this morning because I got an email about a great one day diaper sale and they were supposed to be doing a "diaper demo." In bold print at the bottom of the email it said FREE GIVEAWAYS and in very small print while supplies last. I got my diapers and dashed over to the demo which was exactly the one they do in the tampon ads with the blue liquid. We all waited patiently through the less than thrilling display and then the lady next to me said "So, is there a free giveaway." The woman doing the demo said "oh, your going to LOVE this." and tossed out little inflatable balls that say Pampers on them. Oh, Hurray so glad we rushed here for that. Why do I always think I'll get diapers? Nope a ball. The whole walk around the store Riley was drinking a formula bottle by herself. I have to admit it was nice to walk a store without the blanket tent over the eating baby who is mad about the heat and missing everything.

Later that night after I'd expressed wanting to "enjoy my freedom" and actually starting a book (not a parenting magazine but an honest to goodness fictional work) I asked Mike to take Riley with him to the store. Mike has a habit of adding errands to his trips once he's out the door. He was just going to pick up dinner at the grocery store which is about a 5min drive from our house. Off they went. I pumped, read some of my book and watch an hour of tv and when I started to feel the need to pump again I started to worry. I texted and got no response, I called and got voicemail. Maybe it's because I'm used to feeling like it's time to feed the baby and hearing that elsewhere Riley wanted to eat. Maybe it was just the deprivation of breastfeeding making me emotional. Maybe I was just really tired and hungry and dinner was taking far too long. Whatever the reason I had a bit of a meltdown and regretted requesting that I be allowed to enjoy my freedom.

More than once through this ordeal I've wished I could be pregnant again and have Riley all to myself. She's only getting bigger and more independent. Maybe that's what parenting is, paradoxes like sad liberation.