Rage

I continue to get jerked around...I have no date for my surgery, no relief from my pain, no more stamina for this.

I have been in some level of pain everyday for the last 7yrs. I have pushed through and refused to complain until my body literally wore out. I am miserable and uncomfortable to the extreme. I can't take anything because I'm breastfeeding and the only thing they can give me is the only drug I'm allergic to. I take Advil (just like I did every day for months after the bus hit me). Someday my kidneys will fail or my stomach lining will hemorrhage to thank me for all the ibuprofen. I don't want drugs I want relief.

I have done EVERYTHING that was asked of me and held myself to impossible standards. I have taken care of everyone else. I just want to know it's going to end. I would gladly give my legs to be released from this incessant pain.

This is why most people don't survive being hit by buses. I'm so done will this stupid body always falling apart on me. I can't go on indefinitely this way.

I know this will pass. Please don't misunderstand I haven't given up. I just needed to vent, I think I've earned one.