Sleepless Nights

I hate to even complain about sleep at this point because we had such a long stretch of good 8-10hr nights of sleep. I know not all babies do that as early as Riley did and that things change often with babies. I'm in alot of pain lately and it's effecting my sleep. It's hard to relax when you're in severe pain. Even writing about it my eyes are welling up with tears. The anxiety has my head spinning more than normal which is considerable since it's always like an industrial washing machine in there. So, Riley's teething picked a horrible time to come back with a vengence.

I feel like the mother of a newborn again. It's not as bad as was when she was born, but every 3-4hrs still sucks when you have trouble falling asleep in the first place. It was horrible she was screaming and crying last night and then we realized she had a monster diaper rash, the worst I'd ever seen. We put her in a bath, daddy walked her around and sang, we let it air out and coated it in diaper cream and she screamed through all of it. My poor baby.

Besides the fact that my baby screaming in pain breaks my heart it does nothing for my anxiety level. Long after she's quiet my brain refuses to be. I feel inadaqite as a mother. I feel like cuddling and entertaining her in bed all day isn't enough for her anymore. I want to be able to change her on the change table, let her nap in her crib, take her for walks or car rides. It seems the more mobile she's getting the less mobile I become.

I know I should be napping with her right now, but I'm just as stir crazy as she is. At this point blogging in the living room is a change of scenery. I love her so much and I dread not being able to be with her all day while I'm in the hospital, but my life quite literally revovles around her at this point because I'm not capable or anything else. I need things to change.