Man Down!

I fully admit to being completely spoiled by Mike's speedy immune system. Generally, if he catches what the kids bring home it goes like this: 8am Mike says "Honey I don't feel good." then he goes to bed all day and around dinner time he emerges announcing, "I feel better.". He's been in rough shape all day. Fevers off and on, sore throat, congestion and stomach ache. This bug seems to hit everyone a little bit differently.

Isaac is better and happily at camp making anemometers out of wood and drinking straws as I type this I'm sure. Riley seems completely recovered, but what do I know? She ate a normal breakfast, got dressed and played happily. Here she is watching Beauty and the Beast in her Cat in the Hat dress with a dinosaur bag full of plastic food.

Even though my week has been de-railed from its original I am determined to get my "classroom" set up for next week. I have pocket charts for daily schedules and a white board set up. I have cleared the dining room table for a work space, but Mike promised me back pack hooks and a small felt board this week and those aren't likely to materialize by next week. Since I don't have the time or expertise for those projects I've been concentrating on Riley's schedule cards. Obviously, her schedule will be much looser than Isaac's and she can't read yet so I'm doing pictures for her. This way everyone has a schedule and we can work on some early literacy skills. After nap she colored, in a tu-tu, with me while I finished them.

Isaac bounded into the car with you guessed it an anemometer (or at least I did because he did the weather course last year). He also got a new Science Center shirt which thrilled him no end, but I would not have paid for it because it is exactly last years' design with blue text instead of black. Riley's definitely fit to return to school tomorrow (yay!). Since it will be Isaac's last day of Science Camp for June it means a few hours without either kid, Yay! If only Mike weren't at death's door. Thank God for these super strong antibiotics.

Out of Sorts

Riley was scary upset when she woke up today. Screaming in pain, in consolable. Then when we got enough information out of her to know it was a headache we assumed it was sinus pressure. So, we put her in a warm shower to calm her down and help her head. While she was standing in it her nose started bleeding which really freaked me out.

Once she was out of the shower she seemed almost normal. Just clingy and she had big black circles under her eyes. I called the doctor and they squeezed her in for 3:30p as I hung up and tried to process an entire day of what ever this was the phone rang. They had a cancellation for 11:30, that's more like it.

I was glad Isaac was his old self and had skipped merrily off to camp that morning. Riley ate a little, got dressed and even played. She had the spunk to dress in this little number and play a sorting game.

I knew she was missing her Wednesday school routine and this game was one I got from Pinterest and wanted to put in rotation for summer camp at home. I gave her bristle blocks and muffin tins, but I may purchase something smaller to sort in the near future. She was way into sorting by color and holes or no holes, but when I suggested one of each color in each cup, no dice.

At which point I put on her shoes and started getting ready to go to the doctor. Mike stopped me to discuss whether the appointment seemed necessary anymore. Then I couldn't find Riley. She had crawled into her bed and was fast asleep. Leave it to a toddler to make the decision for you. I called the doctor to tell them she was soundly sleeping and much improved. Then I hurried to lay down while I could. Riley's been waking me up at night since we got back from our trip.

She was all smiles post nap again, the weirdo! How am I ever supposed to know what's going on? We didn't go to dance class group photo session just in case. It was an early night for Riley (who put herself to bed) despite the long nap.

Tu-tu Tuesday

Isaac was off to camp today with cough drops in his pocket. He's 90% back to normal and dying to get out of the house among his peers. Riley wasn't herself all morning. She barely ate a thing (super strange!) and getting her to use the potty was like pulling teeth. I'm not sure who was more relieved when nap time arrived.

She slept soundly for just over 4hrs. I was shaking my head about how toddlers have no respect for plans or schedules of any kind because today was the last dance class before recital. I had resigned myself to missing it when she wasn't awake by 4:15pm. Just then as if to prove her unpredictability she sprang up bright eyed and bushy tailed. I was cautiously examining her when she demanded I put her leotard on.

Sometimes it's better not to argue with them. I dressed and fed her as instructed by my miraculously recovered and adorable little tyrant. We picked up and dropped off Isaac with Mike (still one car) and went to dance class. She did great! So adorable, I can't wait for the show.

I was so proud of her. It seemed to hit her again on the drive home. She was suddenly the less pleasant kind of tyrant. "I want water!" "Don't sing Momma!" "Don't say that!" "Take my shoes off" "I want my bed!". She slept heavy again and I'm hoping she'll be better in the morning.

Bustin' Out!

Yesterday we actually opened the front door and sat on the stoop to get some fresh air. I think the novelty of not having to go anywhere has worn off for both of us! We have ants in our pants big time. Riley made it through a full two hour nap yesterday and best of all slept through the night last night without getting sick! Woo-hoo! Mike and I woke up disorientated like we used to when she was tiny.
"Did you get up with her last night?"
"No, did you?"
"No."
"But that means..."
"Yay!!!"

She everything she ate down yesterday. Now, if the other end of things behaves normally today she can be officially released from quarantine from other kids. She ate a good breakfast and was very happy this morning. My mom just got back into town from taking care of my Aunt post car accident (this was her car). So, grandma came to visit us with some treasures she found on her trip. Riley got new cupcake and princess pants among other things. She brought Isaac a peace sign made out of a circuit board, it was a big hit. She even brought Mike and I some things.

I decided to test the waters and run a post nap errand. Riley slept well and I got to see all the beautiful pictures from Mom's trip. When she woke up the three of headed over to the mall. I needed one thing and knew exactly where to get it. Unfortunately, Riley's patience was all used up on the walk from the car to the store. She did point into the case at jewelry store and say “oh! When I grow up I'm gonna have some of these. I'm gonna wear them on my finger.” Upon inspecting her finger and considering “they're gonna fall off.” I guess it's hard to imagine your hands bigger. After the cute commentary concluded and Mommy still wasn't done she got mad. I think she was hungry and grumpy, but what a pill! She dove away from grandma and right into the sign, Konk!

I'm sure they were happy to see us go! After a trip to the food court for a snack Riley claimed to "feel better." By then of course we were leaving. We came home for bit and then we took a walk to go get Isaac from school, lots of fresh air. I'm confident she can go play with her friends tomorrow without danger. Now, If I survive the insane amount of laundry the sickness left in it's wake we'll be getting back to normal around here. Phew!

PS: Happy Birthday, D!!!

Climbing the Walls

Riley hasn't slept through the night or a nap in days. She's either issuing forth something disgusting and crying or happy and playing. I have a tiny little bipolar person with stomach flu in my midst. I'm having so kind of sinus issue and I'm exhausted. The past two days I didn't ever want to separate from my baby. Today I wish she'd get better and leave me alone for five freaking seconds!

She seems to be on the mend by afternoon, but definitely not better. So much for exactly 48hrs, I guess no one gave the nasty little virus the memo. I'm really not a whiner, but this week was exceedingly difficult. I haven't been this tired or over bodily fluids since potty training!

I pray Riley's immune system will win once and for all today. Please, please let her digestive function return to normal. I want to sleep (how in the heck did I survive her infancy?). I miss outside...At this rate after the virus passes we'll stay home another week while I wade through all this laundry.

The Toddler Plague

Some days back Miss Boo had a house guest who got very ill during his stay. After he left Miss Boo got sick. I felt for her Mommy there are few things sadder on Earth than a sick toddler. The weekend passed and Riley was so well...so Riley that I thought we were in the clear. I should have known best friends share everything, especially two year old girls!

Last night around 10pm (she'd been sleeping for two hours)Riley came to get me. From that point on something vile issued forth from my sweet girl every two or so hours all night. This morning she seemed tired, but in good spirits. I washed all of her bedding so she was hanging out in my bed with me. She just laid with me and watched Tangled most of the morning. Then she had a warm bath.

She seemed to be doing ok so I gave her lunch. Then we laid down in my bed together for nap. She talked my ear off and watched Dora, but didn't fall asleep. Finally, I turned off the tv, asked her to close her eyes and sang to her until she was out. I fell asleep too. We slept soundly side by side for about 45min. Riley woke up screaming. I was in a haze and naptime wasn't over. I kept trying to hold her and reassure her, but she wanted down. I should have known. I should have taken her to the bathroom. I didn't and this time it came out both ends all over me.

Obviously it was all down hill from there...It's completely devastating to watch your child suffer when there is nothing you can do to help. When she was a baby and she threw up she'd have no idea what was happening and then she'd immediately forget. Now that she's older she knows exactly what's happening, but she doesn't remember it happening before in her life so it's terrifying. Not only doesn't she remember it when it's over she tells me the story all day long. This is going to be a long week.

Try Triple Whammy...

It was a long rough night with two sick kiddos. I'll spare everyone the gory, smelly, gross details. I didn't get a good amount of sleep as I hoped. I actually did very little overnight compared to Mike who was scrubbing floors, changing sheets and other things my back isn't up to. Surprisingly both kids were in better spirits this morning.

I was not. I woke up to conclusive proof of a UTI, ugh. So, exhausted and slightly feverish I soldiered on. Isaac opted to go to school and I was bound and determined to get Riley to a picnic we'd been rained out off the week before. I called my doctor and then I rallied. I'm sure had Mike been in my place he would have put a movie on for the grouchy toddler with tummy trouble and laid back down.

Maybe that's what any sane person would do. I, however took Riley to the pumpkin patch for a picnic with her friends. When it was over she and I both slept heavily. A nap and a dose of antibiotics later it was time to get Isaac from school. After that it was time to take my little ballerina to dance class. She did great. In fact she did really well all day. She was clingy and grouchy, but she seemed fine.

When we got home she got sick again. Poor kid. Poor me. So, to re-cap Isaac wins fastest working immune system. He didn't make very wise choices while I was at dance class and Mike was finishing his work so he's lost television privileges tomorrow. Nobody's perfect. Long day. Mike stressed, Isaac in trouble, Riley still sick and me exhausted.

Double Whammy

I still haven't caught up on my sleep since last week. Riley's been super clingy and the cooler weather although delightful makes me stiff. I don't mean to whine, but with the horrific teething episodes over the weekend I thought today would be a chance to rest.

Wrong-o. Riley woke me up at 1am. I forgot to mention I gave up coffee starting this week. I knew I'd become pretty dependent which made me mad since I don't really like coffee in the first place. Caffeine also makes it harder to heal and I'm having surgery in two weeks. Way down at the bottom of the list is the fact that I'm getting married in 4ish months and I want shiny white teeth. I digress, Riley wet the bed at 1am.

I sleep walked through my day and soon Isaac was home from school with a fever. Why didn't I nap while I had the chance? Soon I was rushing out to get Riley while my mom sat with Isaac. I manged a Daddy type super power and left seconds before the puking started. It turns out I had two sick kids to contend with.

I made them Ramon for dinner and I'm going to bed early. Ugh.

Week END.

This week my often present to the point of annoyance partner in parenting was completely MIA. It was supposed to be 48hrs of him disappearing before 7:30am and rolling in well after 11pm. It did not go down that way at all. He had to go a day early and help an extra day at the end. Apparently the conference was a huge success and everyone's pleased. Everyone except me who is exhausted.

Thursday, Miss Roo's little boyfriend came to play. It was a beautiful day out so they spent most of the time they were here in the backyard. I love our backyard so much! After nap my mom surprised me by showing up with dinner. It was a good day. I thought I'd made it through and I could relax a little.

Friday, Mike was off again. I took Riley over to Boo's and all the babies seemed off. Sad or tired or sick, just off. I stayed until lunch time trying to help and hug them all. I went home and fell sound asleep on the couch until it was time to get Isaac from school. Not long after I got a phone call about Riley and rushed off to scoop her up as well.

Mike was home by dinner time for the first time all week, but Riley fell alsleep at the table which isn't like her at all. A few hours later she was up screaming and burning up. So much for some quality time with Mike and a good night's sleep. Tylenol helped and she went back to bed. She was up and down all night long, sans fever. Damn two year molars!

YAWN...

Infect-er-roo-ni

Riley and went to see her doctor yesterday morning. Her body has pretty much killed the eye infection, but not before it migrated to her ear. Poor thing. No wonder she was so frustrated yesterday. Stupid old ear infection.

I'm still trying to win the battle myself so her outbursts of frustration are tough to take. Hopefully, now that we're a few doses of antibiotics in it'll be downhill...

Worst Case Senario

I had grand plans for what I thought would be my last day without kids until 5:30. I was excited and well prepared to drop the kids off and run. However, toddlers as a group do not believe in “according to plan”. Saturday night Riley woke up somewhere in the neighborhood of 8-10 times during the night. Sunday morning her nose was running. By the afternoon her eye had joined the snot festival of snot and she had a fever. There went my day without kids.

It got worse however, I was served an early dinner I could not eat. My throat started bothering me and soon I couldn't keep my eyes open. Riley and I were both sick in bed after dinner and both sound asleep by 7:45pm. Monday had gone from something to look forward to, to something to dread.

Up until now when one of the kids has been sick I'm ok or vice versa. This was the first time Riley and I had been really sick together. A whole day alone with a sick toddler, while I was sick. When I get a virus I get horrible joint pain so it's hard to move.

I had a terrible time throwing myself out of bed this morning. Riley seemed a little perkier than the night before, but insisted on a bath. I thought it was a good idea, but wished I could sleep a few more hours. After bath she was less snotty and warm, but I was crampy and nauseous. Off to a good start.

The most frustrating thing about sick toddlers is they have manic behavioral shifts. One minute they're tiny zombies, moaning and cuddling you, and the next they're playing like nothing's wrong. It's exhausting when you're not viral yourself. Also, toddlers lack the communication skills to express their frustration and pain. Riley kept throwing things, dumping things, yelling and hitting me. Which is also much easier to cope with when I'm well.

We survived the morning in a haze of Disney movies, convenience foods and multiple baths. At 11:00 I decided we were both ready for an early nap. Riley (and Mom) slept for an hour. I was able to get her back to sleep after about 10mins, thank goodness. I slept heavy and had weird dreams the rest of the nap. At about 2pm I awoke to an urgent knock. It took me a minute to realize it was Riley knocking on her own door to be let out.

In the afternoon I felt more human, but Riley seemed to be declining. By 4pm I called the dr. They're squeezing her in at 8am. Hopefully, we'll be in bed early and on the mend tomorrow. Actually, I have a video chat for my e-course at 9pm. Maybe a nap? Oy, what a day!

Fever-tatsic Tuesday

Riley woke up during the night and Mike brought her to our bed and told me she was a little warm. By the time we got up she seemed fine. I got her dressed and we ran some errands. We were visiting friends around 10am when smiley Riley, very suddenly, became muted and climbed on to my lap and fell asleep. It was almost an hour and a half before nap, this was not a good sign. Soon she was burning up. I woke her up for Tylenol and ice water and laid her down again.

After her nap the fever was gone. She had lunch and played normally. It was like it had never happened. There were no other symptoms just the fever and that seemed to be gone. Wrong-O there mom. After a few more hours of smiley Riley she was sleeping on me and burning up again! This time I let her sleep and gave her the Tylenol when she woke up. She asked for a "ba-ff" which sounded like a good way to cool her down, so off we went.

I let her stay in as long as I could, but with all the holding, lifting and even some carrying I was in a good deal of pain and the bathroom floor was super uncomfortable. After her bath she sat in my lap for almost an hour wrapped in a blanket. She didn't sleep and the fever didn't return.

She ate normally at dinner and seemed to be herself again. I was anxious getting her ready for bed and decided to tag Mike in for a round. He seemed to have an easy time getting her down. I checked her twice after that and she seemed to be sleeping comfortably sans fever.

Teething is my best guess, but who knows? The toddler immune system is the only thing as confusing as their brain.

The Manic Moments

On rare occasions I can spend a full 20-30minutes doing something without being interrupted. Riley has discovered truly playing pretend with her toys. As long as I'm perched in my little corner keeping an eye on things and interjecting the occasional comment Riley’s independent for a bit. Yesterday, she was plying "boo boo." She plays this game with me a lot. She pretends to pinch her finger of bump her head and announces her fake injury so that I can react in melodramatic fashion and make her laugh. Yesterday it was different: she announced her fake boo boo and then picked up her stuffed hedgehog and made him pretend to kiss it. It was amazingly adorable. I said "Oh, what a nice friend to kiss your boo boo." Riley proceeded to thank him for being a nice friend and then bake him a pretend cake.

After that episode she reverted to some former stage of development and climbed into my lap and refused to get down. It was at least 45min of attempts to distract her before she scampered off. I thought it was odd for her to be so independent and then so clingy, but that's a toddlers purgative.

She built a tower from blocks, knocked them down and then cleaned them all up. She even put the lid back on the container. After that baby giraffe and Hedgie shared some cake it was time for both of then JUMP! JUMP! Jumping in Riley's recliner. It was funny. She made every stuffed animal and dolly in the living room use the potty at least once before it was her turn too.

After that as I was making my way to the bathroom (or course) she latched on to my leg. I managed to pry her loose, but she followed me in and as soon as I was seated climbed into my lap. When I explained that I was ready to get off the potty she cried for me to carry her. It's been months and several pounds since I could carry her even a few steps. We do a lot of hand holding and walking with backpack or lap sitting. She would not let me stand without her in my arms. When I set her down she followed me to the couch crying.

When that clingy spell passed she had rediscovered her little people airport runway. She was vrooming an invisible car around the road and over the bridge. It was going well until she stopped for gas and couldn't get the pump back in the little hole. I interceded and gave her a little people truck to use. She immediately filled it with gas and started vrooming again. I think her car obsessed buddy at daycare taught her that. I hope he teaches her to change a tire and check her oil too.

Anyway, it went that way all day long. Happy independently playing little girl periods followed by clingy grumpy periods of equal or greater length. Maybe she's just testing that if she plays by herself for a while she can still come cuddle Mommy. I hope it gets less manic in the future. That kind of flip flopping really gets to you. I started wondering “which one are you” every time she approached.

When You Just Don't Like Them

I have been hopelessly in love with Riley since before she was born. She's amazing. Most days I enjoy her company more than I have words to express, despite the hard work. Today was an exception.

Riley's beside herself about the two year molar forcing its way through the gums the last few days. I am in some intense pain from the slide incident as well. I knew sky diving and roller coasters were forever lost to me when I became bionic, but slides...who knew? I digress, Grandma came to be with Riley because I was in bad shape today.

I've been pretty wiped dealing with Riley's teethy tude, house stuff before our party and juggling the blogs. Today, I just sat on an ice pack. It was like the early days after the surgery. I watched and listened, but instead of my usual delight in her antics today I was annoyed. Today, I wanted her to stop screaming and throwing herself on the ground over every little thing and grow up.

Some of the day she was my sweet little girl and I enjoyed her. Most of the day she was hard to take. My mother and I were not nearly equipped for all the fits today. I just didn't like her today. I know it was intensified by my pain. I also know it was temporary. I just needed to say it out loud.

Even as I type this my normally compliant girls is giving Daddy hell. I can her wailing from the bedroom. She's not herself today and he has more patience having only been home a few hours. I considered going in for back up, but my stomach turned at the thought. Also, it's dangerous for me to be around a thrashing toddler when I'm injured.

Good night, little terror. I'll like you again tomorrow.

ps: Mike got Riley to sleep and then kicked something leaving the room. Normally, this would be no big deal, but tonight she woke up screaming and didn't stop. He tried to reassure her, but she refused to be comforted so he gave up.

I went in and wrapped my arms around the sobbing girl and started singing softly. She calmed down and climbed on top of me hugging me with her arms and legs like a tree frog. She was shortly sound asleep. Mommy's a hero.

Uphill Movement is Still Movement

Friday was a pee-pee soaked, exhausting day. Riley refused to go on the potty even once. She wet five out of the seven pairs of panties in the pack. She peed on the floor in every room in the house (except the bathroom ironically). Long day, it ended with Riley sleeping in a pull-up.

When Riley woke up this morning she waddled in with a very wet pull-up and served me breakfast in bed (a plastic muffin on a Barbie plate). It was definitely a "you're lucky your cute" moment. I rolled my tired bones out of bed and pulled off the pull-up and instructed Riley to throw it in the garbage can. Normally she complies today she dropped it in the hallway, sigh. She refused all morning to pee on the potty. She sat and ate on the potty, watched tv on the potty, but no peeing. She wanted some milk and after I gave it to her I turned around to leave the kitchen and heard a noise like the faucet running. I thought she was dumping the milk out so I wheeled around and yelled "what are yo-" before I realized she was peeing. As she was peeing she was shaking her little finger and saying "no, no".

I calmly explained, AGAIN, that pee-pee goes in the potty. Riley helped me clean it up. Once, the floor and the baby were clean and dry I resigned myself to day two of accident-a-thon. A little while later she stopped playing and turned to me and pulling at her Minnie Mouse undies saying "Help! off, pee-pee."

She wet her pants a tiny bit and refused to go on the potty. I let her go au natural after that. She even insisted on getting in the shower to pee-pee. Clearly it grosses her out. Breath in, breath out. She played happily for awhile and then she marched herself to the foggy potty and peed. She proclaimed "Geen!" before she stood up (yellow pee in the blue potty bowl). I gave her a sticker and a piece of candy. She lead me to where she had been playing and said "No, no. Guck!" You guessed it folks she pooped on the floor and then peed in the potty. I calmly thanked her for showing mommy and once again thanked God for the tile and then bought it to her potty.

After, the poop-poo goes in the potty chat Daddy helped her flush it all bye-bye. We had the where bodily waste goes chat a lot usually in the style of Yes, Yes. No, No. I also tried to encourage her by telling her that a dolly had to go pee-pee. Riley would grab her baby doll rush her to the potty and then hug her when she was done it was cute. Early in the morning (before she peed on the kitchen floor) Mike had snapped at me that the panties were just confusing her, but by the end of the day I knew I had done the right thing yesterday.

She felt everything yesterday and she didn't like it. Today was only day two and she isn't quite 21mos yet, give her a break. We made some big steps. We went from refusing to go on the potty all day yesterday to coming to use the potty on her own. She had some accidents, but she understood that's what they were. She pointed out the poop on the floor, helped clean up the pee puddle and later when we had switched to pull-ups took it off and threw it away because it was wet. We're moving forward. She really does understand and want to "get it".

Despite all her sweetness and determination Riley was tough to take today. Her two year molar is coming in and she's frustrated about not instantly getting the potty thing, sounds like her momma. I'm hurting, tired and so over today. Tomorrow is day three of serious potty training, cross your fingers...

I've Said It Before...

And I'll say it again. It NEVER fails. Every time Isaac brings home cooties from school he kicks it in a day or two. Then Mike gets it and carries on like he's dying for a day or two and then Riley gets it. I am somehow, maybe just through sheer determination, always the last standing. After the entire family is better it hits me like a ton of bricks. Every single time.

The problem being Isaac and Mike return to work and school and I am left to tend to the completely recovered ball of energy that is a 20mon old who got extra sleep the day before. For extra fun she's teething. I felt at least 3 razor sharp teeth coming through. Now Riley can explicitly tell me this is the case, she points to her check and says "sharp".

On top my illness and her teeth Mike needed to be on an all day conference call with work. His "office" is still full of boxes of his stuff and not a suitable workspace yet. He's been working in the family room or the back patio. Today it was raining so he had no escape from the wailing toddler. He simply muted the phone long enough to deposit her in bed with her sick mother and shut the bedroom door.

Ugh, where do I start? I needed me to come take of me like everyone else got. I needed the sleep everyone else got. I felt I had at least earned the right to watch what I wanted while I was sick. Luckily for me Miss Roo was pretty interested in Quantum Leap. Mostly though she fussed like she's rarely fussed before and tore up my bedroom. She pulled clean laundry out of baskets, "unpacked" boxes that were stacked against the wall and pushed whatever she found around my room in her doll stroller. I wish I was still breastfeeding because I wouldn't have had to get up to get Riley drinks and snacks, I could have passed her the immunities to whatever I had and it would have calmed down the teething fussiness.

No rest for the mommies. Calming teething babies, barking orders for homework completion or teeth brushing and praying this strengths their immune system from their sick bed.

The Enigma That Is The Toddler

So, Riley woke up from her nap and proceeded to FINALLY pee. She sat right on froggy potty and peed. Amazing work little one. The doctor's office bumped her up to 2:30. I take back what I said about them before. Nice folks. Anyway, after she peed on the potty she asked for food for the first time all day. Hmmm...

Her temperament improved, eating and peeing again she seemed like a different girl from this morning. Maybe we really were wrong about the UTI theory. She never had a fever, but with her history of horrific infections that require antibiotics in the diaper area I was still worried.

Both cars were half unpacked so my wheelchair didn't fit. I opted for crutches and backpack. We pulled into the parking lot 4min late, grumble. I unbuckled Riley, who still had nap hair sticking straight up, from the car seat and strapped on backpack. I decided on one crutch so I could hold her head as well as the backpack lead if need be. I'm glad because we took two steps away from the car when she tripped into the next parking space. Of course this was the very moment the lady from the front office came out to "check on us." "Why, hello. Yes, that's my toddler sitting in the oil spot. I'm a much better mother normally."

She gained 2lbs since last time we were there despite not eating all day. It was the first time she stepped up on the big kid scale. She bopped around with her backpack on happily reading books and moving marbles through the maze. She was timid around the doctor, but friendly. He listened carefully to everything I said and then winced as he examined Riley's diaper area. He told me it was a really bad rash and to keep doing what I was doing and watch for fever.

I told him I was sure it was UTI this morning and at the very least another skin infection later on. He said he thought it was too from what I described, but after all we agreed toddlers are tricky.

The Return of Mommy Guilt

Riley woke up from her nap yesterday with a rash. I felt terrible. I didn't change her diaper before she fell asleep. I always do, but I didn't this time. I know she has sensitive skin and is healing from a yeast infection so when I discover an impressive load and an equally impressive rash I am not surprised.

I'm a horrible mother who didn't change the diaper and now my baby is swollen and sore. I cleaned her up, gave her some "air time", and than slathered on the diaper cream like cream cheese on a fat lady's bagel. I am calming myself from the thorough thrashing I have given myself. When Riley informs me she "pooooooped!" again. I repeat the same procedure except I leave the diaper off this time because the swelling is much worse. Chalk that one up to toddler timing. She'll be ok. Won't she? We're not starting the infection cycle of death again, are we?

Convinced I'm overreacting I diaper up the baby and make a quick dash to Borders for Tina Fey's book Bossypants. Actually, I got the unabridged audio book read by Tina Fey, so exciting. I know, priorities. Give me a break, we also picked up dinner. When we got home Riley quite literally could not walk. Her best approximation was a slow, tearful, waddle. Poor girl. I striped her down, but she refused to sit in the highchair. She squatted instead and eventually demanded to be let out. She roamed the living room with her bare butt and her chicken nugget.

We decided she should sleep sans diaper. At 3am she woke up screaming. Mike and I rushed to her bed and she had peed. She was beat red and screaming and twisting her little body away from the puddle. Mike pulled the damp linens off the bed while I attempted to clean her up, but she was hysterical. We finally put her under the warm shower water. She calmed down after that and we debated going to the ER or waiting for the doctors office to open in the morning. Mike and I were both freaked out.

At 5am when Riley decides I've slept enough I check her diaper it's bone dry. I call the pediatrician at 8am and I get a real human. I love Riley's doctor. I'm informed the nurse will call me when she gets in. At 8:30 the nurse calls. Apparently, if Riley has a UTI we have to go to the ER because she's not potty trained and would need to be catheterized.

Awesome. So your bits are horribly swollen and you're terrified to pee? Let's jam a tube in there. I take it back I hate Riley's doctor (I don't mean that). She tells me I can go to the costly ER or wait until 5pm and go to pediatric after hours urgent care clinic which would be cheaper. She was trying to help, but now I was panicked. We just moved, we have no money. My baby is hurt. Wait 8 hours? I'm a horrible mother. I should have taken her to the ER last night.

I give all this lovely information to Mike who vents all of his stress directly at me. I should have worn a helmet. Once I choked back my sobs we discussed Riley's diaper rash/infection history and every option besides being catheterized in the ER. I called the doctor again with a fresh list of questions at 9am. I was running on coffee, a few hours sleep, no food and horrible anxiety because Riley still hadn't peed. It was 11 before I got a return call. In the end the nurse gave us a 3:00 appointment and warned we'd probably have to go to the ER anyway, but "it's your money."

Meanwhile, it's noon and Riley hasn't peed, but her temperament has vastly improved. I am completely confused. Uti? Skin infection? I do know that I'm a horrible mother for causing/not preventing/not doing enough about whatever the heck this is. I couldn't protect my baby, I didn't react correctly or fast enough and now I deserve the suffering that watching my little girl suffer is causing me (as well as the sleep deprivation, financial strain of Er visits and prescriptions). That is mommy guilt at its finest.

I know we'll get through this day. Riley will survive whatever attacks on her 19mo immune system are causing one of the worst days of my life. Someday diapers will be behind us. Some wonderful day, but mommy guilt I'm afraid, is here to stay.

Invasion of the Toddler Snatchers?!?

Yesterday was a bad, bad day. I kept Riley out of daycare because her Aunt is visiting and there was supposed to be a play date. Fast forward through one of the longest mornings of my life, I wish I could have, nothing had gone according to plan by nap time.

I was crying by late afternoon out of frustration. It seemed someone had come and kidnapped my sweet, loving, docile, little girl who communicates so well and replaced her with a shrieking, defiant, tornado of destruction and tears. Mental note don't keep Riley home from daycare on Mike's office day until plans have been confirmed in the future.

My nerves were shot by 3:00 when Isaac got home from school. Riley reacted to big brother's reappearance with the same whiny fussing she'd been serenading me with all afternoon. It was abundantly and painfully clear we were not having a one nap day at this point.

On a normal day I would say "Ok, Riley let's go get a book." and she would pick up her water cup and follow obediently behind me baby duck style. After more struggle then was necessary we cuddled together in her big girl bed with How do Dinosaurs Eat.

She listened to all 3 readings and then snuggled me sleepily for a minute before I attempted to take my leave. It was an unsuccessful attempt she howled like she was on fire. It didn't bother me that she was screaming because that seemed to be the day we were having. It was the moment after that when she bounded off the bed and followed me to the doorway.

I put the baby gate in her doorway and told her to get her cranky butt back in bed. She didn't think that was a good plan. She played quietly for about 15mins during which time I decided any break was well worth it and I was too tired to fight with her. Pretty soon it occurred to her that she needed to be upset about the baby gate.

She stood and screamed for endless torturous minutes. I walked over to the doorway and she turned her tear-stained face to me and grinned. I took the baby gate down (can't step over with my bad hips) and took her hand and led her to her bed. The shades of confusion that passed over her features were almost comical.

I reassured her that it was, in fact, nap time. Just a short nap I kept saying, but what she heard over the screaming I'll never know. I left and she got out of bed, screaming all the while. When I went back in I led her back to bed, tucked her in and sat on the end of the bed for several minutes. After she had stayed put that long I stood next to the bed reminding her to lay down every time it looked like she was gonna make a break for it. Eventually, I made it to the doorway and then the hallway always reminding her to lay down as needed over her cries.

When she finally feel asleep I locked myself in the bathroom and cried. It always seems like giving the kids independence will make our lives easier, but it is always more work on our part. I knew that I had to be clear about nap time rules so early in the big girl bed experience. I was pretty proud of myself later for channeling Super Nanny(which I used to watch all the time, but haven't since I gave birth) and staying tough.

It was a horrible, count to 10, breaking point, kind of bad day. I know next Monday Riley will be happily back at daycare and before then we'll have overcome the growing pains of the big girl bed transition. It's funny I researched every major decision I've ever made even if it was just by talking to other moms, but I didn't research switching to a bed at all.

I went by what Riley needed and what I could handle, alone. Huh. After Mike came home I cried in the bathroom some probably out of relief and prayed for the strength to survive until bedtime.

Sicky McCrankypants Magoo

Yes, Riley's still at it. She's feverish, cranky and it's been almost 48hrs since she's eaten. I think this is the sickest she's been in her whole life. It's days like this that I wish I was still breast feeding. Poor, pathetic little Roo. We've been hanging out in my bed alot. Today my normally very busy little 15mo laid next to me for an hour of Shrek Forever After. Nap times which were sourly needed were awful because she had to be in her crib alone for that. She was so miserable all day.

At bathtime her fever seemed to be gone for good, but we discovered a rash all over her body. That's when alight bulb went on for me. I remember a mom at my new mom's group describing a terrible rash after a fever. It was that Roseola thing.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_roseola_1616.bc

Mystery solved. After bath her appetite finally returned! She started happily playing like she'd never been sick. Phew!