The Tricky Stuff

Isaac went out to take out the garbage and when he came back he made an attempt to turn the door knob and apparently failed. He proceeded to knock urgently. Mike and I yelled almost in unison that it was unlocked. He persisted knocking without further attempt to let himself in despite having just seconds before having passed through the door.

Mike went and opened the door. He spent several minutes convincing Isaac the door had been unlocked and making sure he could get in next time. Do you picture that Far Side cartoon with the gifted boy pushing on the pull door? Me too.

We all had a good laugh about how Isaac couldn't work a door knob and returned to our tasks. As he was passing through the living room Isaac said:
I didn't know, Mom!
I heard. That's pretty silly. At least you know now.
I never learned to use a door knob, you know
(I assume he's still joking, but he continues)
You know why?
Why you can't use a door?
Yeah, it's because my mother never taught me. You know, my real mom.
(I take this odd comment in, before responding) Isaac, your mom left when you were a very small baby. Even if she had wanted to teach you couldn't have turned a door knob.
Oh...Well, I miss her.
Isaac you don't know her. You can't miss someone you don't know. You're curious about her and you think about her and that's normal, but you don't miss her.
Well, I remember her visiting me one time when-
Isaac she's visited you a few times since she left, but most people's moms see them every day.
Yeah, because they're...good.
Yes, she made some bad choices and she continues to and part of that is not seeing you. You're lucky you have people who love you to take care of you.
(long pause)Yeah (and he skips off to the shower)

At first I thought it was an "oh, poor me I can't open a door because my mom left" experiment to see if this would allow him to get away with stuff. This would explain why he said all this to me rather than Mike and the attitude of “testing” something he had. I think I handled it pretty well. I don't think there's any need to bad mouth her, but he's old enough to understand she left by choice and hasn't ever been a significant presence in his life by choice.

I wonder if he has any idea his occasional comments about her affect me? Probably not, as an almost 9yr old boy he's usually the center of his universe. Still, maybe it was trying to get at me for some reason. Either way, I hope I handled as well as I think I did. I look forward to more comprehensible musings on his "real mom" in the future. It's always hazy and random so far. Someday, maybe he’ll realize I chose to be here when I didn't have to be and her choosing to leave won't matter as much.