Being A Social Detective

Isaac is a very smart boy, but the rules of social interaction do not come easy for him. He's not naturally very observant in general. His age also tends to be a rather self-involved period of existence. It's often clear that he just doesn't understand why the other kids react the way they do. Like the workbook I mentioned a few days ago, the materials we gathered for to help with this over the summer are fundamentally better than all the discussions we've ever had on the subject. They bring these issues into an academic arena (where he's comfortable) and out of the context of having just gotten in trouble (when he's less likely to absorb anything).

The book we've been using most often is called Diary of a Social Detective. It's really fun. It has a school aged narrator, Johnny, who's description of himself in the introduction was absolutely uncanny. Minus one or two small details he is Isaac. Johnny helps the kids at school solve their social mysteries one case at a time.

We've done four so far. The Back Away Buddy which was all about playing too aggressively and invading others' personal space. It focused on reading your playmates' physical clues and settling down/backing off. A great lesson. There was one about a girl who's friends kept getting mad at her and it turned out she was talking way too loud. She got them in trouble in the library and spilled the beans on a secret. That one discusses observing how loud those around you are talking and making adjustments. I was sooooo bad at this growing up. We read about a kid who couldn't figure out why everyone was always laughing at him. It focused on sarcasm. It's definitely a concept the intelligent, but unobservant child may miss.

My favorite so far was case 4. It was about a bully. It not only discussed what would motivate a someone to want to humiliate someone else it also discusses what you can do to stop being such an appealing victim. It was very well written. It went over the difference between tattling and setting boundaries. It touched on having respect for yourself and knowing how you deserve to be treated. It also talked about how very important how you say things is. Presented as always in a fun fictional detective style.

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We always do them together. I scanned a copy of the case sheet from the back of the book and I print a new one for each case. We take turns reading and discussing which are important to record. Then we stop before the resolution to talk about what we think the answer is before we read the end. It's very much a game. Sometimes, it doesn't seem to sink in right away but I'm often surprised.

The night we read the bully case Isaac and Riley were playing in his room. I was working at my desk and listening. I heard them happily pretending some elaborate scenario, but then I heard the dreaded silence. I braced myself for a scream of rage or the noise of a toy being tossed, but instead heard "Don't do that, Riley." in a clear unemotional tone. There was a brief silence and then she answered "Ok, I won't." Just like that the happy play noises resumed.

Not a whiny tone, a yell, a smack or a tossed toy was heard in the ensuing hour and change of that they played. The usual unresolvable conflicts didn't arise. They communicated like people. Well, I'll be! Not only did he learn something today his example was rubbing off on his 2.5yr old sister! Wow. I think it's important to do the cases with him because when the subject's a little close to home he tends to have trouble being objective. Afterwards though if I leave him to his devices it seems to get processed. Yay!

Is that like a summation of parenting in general or what? Teach them well and then give them room to be independent.