Medical Shenanigans

It's a terribly long (probably boring) story, but let's just say I've had enough of doctors for two lifetimes. So, I did what any mature adult would do after years of complying with medical advice...I stopped. I just quit showing up/making/telling anyone I needed appointments for anything. For months I pretended to be one of those "normal people" I've heard about. It was good while it lasted, but as anyone might have predicted it bit me in the ass. So, tomorrow: Hi, Ho Hi, Ho Hi, Ho it's back to the doctor I go.

First up New Ortho and the one year follow-up to my surgical hip dislocation. It was a major procedure to give me a normal socket and delay what I'm told will be inevitable hip replacement (future's so bright I gotta wear shades, my friends). I know what will happen. I could write the script word for word.

Looks good. Any problems?
It's still popping all the time.
Yeah, your IT band over the screw head. Better take them out.

I'm just too skinny for all this hardware. Too bony to be bionic. Another notch in the surgical...bed rail? Minor, sure. Necessary? Probably. Face the prospect in a mature adult manner? Pass. I'll cry and eat chocolate, thanks.

Speaking of, that brings me to my other issue. Is it another mass? More cancerous cells? An incubating alien life form? According to the OBGYN there's no indication of a mass. That's something. The pain went on for 6 months before I was scared enough to go back in. My 10 on the famous frowny-face-pain-scale is higher than most trust me. It was like dying last time it the pain happened. This issue is like having another child, it likes to wait until the middle of the night to cause me stress, fear and pain. Seriously, I can tell when I'm scaring Mike and I scared him.

The girlie doc says it's probably nothing going back on the pill won't fix. Grumble..grumble...stupid pill. The point of having your tubes tied is that you NEVER have to take the pill again. She thinks it's a run of the mill cyst and stopping up the plumbing will fix me right up. Hmmm...I just don't buy it. It's not impossible. Still one sided excruciating pain for 6 months? She scheduled me an ultrasound. That'll be Wednesday. Back to back fun, that's how I roll.

Sometimes, I think I got a used model. I'm only 30yrs old, but my parts seem much older. The ortho stuff is one thing. Bones are easy to see, touch or screw back together (I know that last one from experience). This other stuff is much trickier. Fingers crossed and kids Halloween candy raided!