I called my "back liberation squad" after the second back attack to report it. I informed the nurse that I was a genius who only needed two severe pain episodes that started suddenly and lasted hours to figure out their cause. I explained the shoulder blade connection, smugly. I wish I had more exciting things to be smug over. She promised to relay the info and I hung up. As long as my feet-dragging lasted I had finally done the right thing. Good job, me. Now there would surely be a return call applauding my deduction and a decree to "take it easy" (yeah. right.)
The response was, "We'd like you to see our shoulder guy, immediately." Now I was full on throwing a toddler style tantrum internally because: It's NOT fair! They scheduled me with the shoulder guy less than 48hrs after the phone call. Those jerks! Were did they get off! Being all concerned about this? Dammit. Damn, damn, damn. Here I was all "I just have to not pop my shoulder blades out." Then they're all "cause for concern...blah...see the specialist?" Who has time for all that noise? Geez.
Seriously, I start to unravel at the suggestion. What if the loose hardware windshield wiper-ing my soft tissues left more than just scar tissue behind? What if this is serious? What if they can take the shoulder blade pain away (after four long years)? What if it's another fracture? What if it's a spinal tumor? Ok, seriously why do doctors always feel compelled to share worse case scenarios with me all the time? Their horror stories haunt me at times like these.
It was an unusually long wait, over an hour. I was cold and I'd forgotten my book. I read all the anatomy charts on the walls (not good for my run away imagination). My mom texted me at this point and asked where I was. I told her the Ortho and followed that with "I live here now." She asked if we'd be holding my sister's birthday party there. "Of course", I replied, "we'll have a cast pinata and ace bandage streamers! It'll be perfect." Shortly after this conversation ended I was finally lead to radiology.
My appointment finally began with some more bone modeling. I have to say shoulder x-rays are the advanced class! Back x-ray: stand with your back to the board. Hip x-ray: lay down and turn your foot out. Shoulder x-ray? Stand here, a little more to your left, good. Now point your feet this way, but keep your torso straight. Now turn slightly to your right, not that far, a little more, good. Now put your left arm across your body and rest your hand on your waist. Higher, too high...there! Now hold your breath and don't move!!
X-rays looked good. Range of motion looked good. For a minute I thought he'd say "take it easy" and send me home. No dice. The x-ray process flared up the pain and the exam made it worse. Stupid shoulder blade, everyone knows once you make the doctor appointment the pain is supposed to go away! Duh. Anyway, he claims I have a muscle imbalance which seems likely. Then he writes me a prescription for four weeks of shoulder physical therapy. SIGH! There goes the ignore it for another 4 years approach.
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