Cleaning Sucks

I have two kids, an extremely messy husband and pets...and oh yeah a physical disability. Sweeping, mopping, vacuuming cause back pain and hip dislocation. Bath tub scrubbing makes my knees swell. Dish washing hurts my ankles. You get the idea. Don't worry this is not a complain/vent. It's another post in which I attempt to cut myself some slack. Before kids I did all the necessary cleaning and then I was "done for the day". Now, I recover from cleaning the way I recover from illness...I don't.

That is a REAL picture of the actual sink/counter/kitchen full of dirty dishes I woke up to on my 28th birthday (aka first birthday after I had Riley). I'll leave the condition of the rest of house to your imagination. Yes, I woke up on that post-partum birthday and wept at the massive mess. Then I whipped out my camera and documented it like an insane person. I think I wanted proof of what I'd done all day on my birthday while tending to a 7yr old and 5mo old. Truth is I can never be sure with all the hormones and sleep deprivation why I took 20+ pictures of my trashed house. As I started trying to deal with the situation I got mad, I mean really! Today?!? So, I decided I needed professional help (Yes, probably that kind too). I called a cleaning service. It would be Mike's birthday present to me, I'd inform him of his generous birthday gift later.

That was the first time I asked for help, but not the last. Like most moms keeping the house clean is a constant source of stress. Soon after that birthday I had a major back surgery and I started paying my friend to come once a week and help me. I was essentially stationary on the couch. A stack of diapers and a drink beside me, a baby gate encircling a patch of living room floor, and Riley climbing on and off my lap. I got up to use the bathroom and make our lunch. It was some rough times. $20 for someone to come run the vacuum and clean my bathrooms was well worth it. As time passed and different surgeries and recoveries happened the person helping, rates and tasks I needed them for changed, but I had weekly help whenever we could swing it.

Since our move it went from weekly to once a month. For awhile now I've been going it completely alone sending up the bat signal on special occasions. Before you get all "cry me a river" you have to clean your own house all the time. I live with an amazing slob (I love him and he's great at many things, but being aware of the wreckage of his presence is not one of them), a fused spine, two kids, pets and unpredictable physicality. I do my best, I ask the kids for help and I try to remember how much better things are now than in the old days. I feel like I'm pretty on the ball, but I'm not a miracle worker and I can only do so much. Recently I stumbled on this post: What Normal Looks Like. Some of it was accurate, some of it didn't apply, but the spirit of it gave me a moment of relief. I forgot that it's not just me struggling.

I hate it when the house gets out of control, it is literally hard for me to get around in it. I am doing my best at any given moment to keep things pleasant and functional. Note: I did not say "to impress people." I just want to be comfortable and relaxed in my house. If my physical abilities ever caught up with my expectations of myself this place would be immaculate! Short of the nano technology my husband swears will be the end of all my orthopedic issues someday I don't really see that happening.

Imagine if cleaning didn't just exhaust and frustrate you, but actually caused you physical pain. Are you sympathizing? Good! Now with that in mind, call before you drop by so I have time to tidy up.

Room Re-organize!

First some cute pictures post dance class yesterday. I took ballet twice in my life once briefly at about Riley's age and again in college. It was not my thing, but I have always loved to swim and swing. To be weightless with no concern for my lack of balance. To go fast, really fast. I totally get that. I think the swing set installment was as much for Mike and I as it was for the kids.

After the kids had been dropped off today I decided to attack Miss Roo's room. It was messy from several consecutive days of play without tidying, but there was some re-arranging to do to. Messy floors and mobility issues don't mix well. I had been stacking all her dollies in the wooden cradle and eventually stuffed animals joined them and it was a mess! It kept overflowing onto the floor and into the doorway.

I picked up everything that had a spot first. When all the books, clothes and little people were situated I pondered the dolls some more. We're about to upgrade Miss Roo to a real dresser since we haven't needed the changing table in almost a year. I removed the changing pad and put the animals up there. I figured the lack of a cushy place to sit might also dissuade climbing up there.

Then I moved the cradle and dollies to the end of Riley's bed so any errant dollies with fall into her room neither blocking the main path to the dresser or the door. I think it's going to be much more functional that way. I also upgraded her from eye hooks that had mostly fallen out to flower hooks (from the craft store dollar bin) for her bags. They were perfect colors. Much sturdier then my last three cute sets of hooks that all broke.

Miss Roo was beyond thrilled when she came home and discovered her room. "Thank you Momma! Thank you my room is so pretty. Thank you for recognizing(organizing) it." Toddlers are just like hamsters, she found the only new thing in the room immediately.

Thrilled by the yellow and pink flower hooks.

"Oh, my animals are upppppp dare!"

The new nursery. I put the baby dolls in the cradle and sat the big girl dolls on my Boppy ppillow in front of the cradle.

I still have to free up another shelf for books, but that was a project for another day. I also, asked Mike to put a second rod in Riley's closet this weekend. She currently has a rubber maid drawer busting with every dress up related item she owns. I want to hang dresses and tu-tu where she can reach. Yay, organized room Mom can walk or roll through. Phew.

Smart Women

My family is now full of them. This picture is of Miss Riley and Miss Leeloo, my girls. Riley was having her dinner while enjoying Fern Gully while Leeloo took a nap. Leeloo now understands: Down, Drop it, Sit, No Bite, Pee Pee, and Put it Back (for her toys). I cannot believe how fast see learns. If we stay on top of her potty schedule (taking her out every 2hrs and/or when she wakes up from naps) she never needs the pee pee pads. She's had a few nights in a row sleeping in the crate. If we don't close her in while she eats she stays in calmly until she's done. I also gave her a large low basket for her toys a few days ago. She was very excited about this. She took each toy out in turn and eventually climbed in herself, so cute. Sometimes she would sleep curled around it, guarding it. Today for the first time I saw her bring her toy back to the basket. Mike said "Oh, she learned put it back." She sure had. She proceeded to drop a toy in a pick another one several time to much praise. We definitely got the pick of the litter.

Riley's no slouch either. She is her mother's daughter for sure. Riley has an extraordinary memory in general, but specifically for movies. For example she climbed down from her "Rapunzel tower" in the backyard and then bent down and felt the grass. After that she ran around the backyard saying "I can't believe I did this" over and over. It was a very successful recreation. This afternoon she brought me one of her plastic princess crowns. Then she instructed me to "see yourself in the jewels Mommy." Then she "saw herself", tried it on as a bracelet and then ran off to get Pascal.

Maybe you think it's just one movie she's seen ad nauseum. Very recently, like in the last week, Riley has seen Mulan between 4-6 times. There is a song near the start of the movie You'll Bring Honor To Us All. Here are the actual lyrics:
We'll have you washed and dried
Primped and polished till you glow with pride
Trust my recipe for instant bride
You'll bring honor to us all.
I was sitting in the living room when Riley came in with a large paintbrush and a small play food cake mix box. She had opened the box like a compact and was brushing the paintbrush inside it and then offering to paint my face. She started singing immediately, but it me me a minute to realize what she was saying:
Washed and dwied!
Painted, polished till you glow the pwide.
Recipe for instant bride.
You'll bring honor to us alllllll
She was pretending to paint my face like a Chinese bride and insisting I twirl my hair at the end of the process just like Mulan in the movie. I love her!

Clean-up, Clean-up...Everybody Does Their Share

Here's Riley sweeping to When Will My Life Begin. Excuse my singing.

I forget because I see them very day that my kids are growing. They are evolving and changing into capable little beings. Over the weekend Isaac took the dog for a walk on his own. This morning Riley carried one of my crutches so I could carry something else. They can be helpful now, individually and as a team. Isaac's had a responsibility list since he was about 6yrs old. Originally it was pretty much homework and take out the trash. Now he's expected to clean out his lunch box, do homework, do his reading, put away clean dishes/deliver clean clothes to the appropriate rooms, give animals water and tidy his room. On occasion Riley and Isaac load the dryer as a team. He takes the wet clothes out of the washer and passes them to her to put in the dryer. They seem to really enjoy it. I forget sometimes how much they can do.

I think it's good for them to contribute and feel helpful. It reinforces that we're a team. Recently though Isaac has become extremely lazy. I thought it was a 9yr old boy phase, but it goes on and on. I am spending most of my day asking him to finish his list. He resists anything above the bare minimum even when rewards are offered for a task's completion. It's frustrating. I ask him why there are dishes that haven't been put away and he says "they're still wet." At this point I wonder why he's not able to solve this problem on his own. I explain that in that case dry the 3 remaining dishes with the towel and put them away. He reacts with indignation stomping around and crying. What happened?

I explain that he's old enough for an allowance, but until he takes responsibility for his chores I am doing the work and he can't be paid. This works for an afternoon. He suddenly smiles as as he completes his handfull of tasks. He still announces EVERYTHING he's doing which is just as disruptive as having to motivate each task. So we talk about how actions speak louder than words. Don't tell me you're doing a good job show me, etc. I'm tired just thinking about it. I want to be able to relay on the kids to at least make an attempt at their chores.

Riley's different she craves independence and is a natural problem solver. She can be reasoned with to pick up her toys or enticed with a sticker. She likes to help Mommy with the laundry or to brush the puppy. If I give her a rag to dust with she engages with enthusiasm. She's genuinely proud of herself and validation is nice, but secondary. I hope that as they grow and I heal we can strike a more even household chore situation.

I tend to use the domestic stuff to gauge my mobility level. I want to be supermom. To do it all. I want to tell my cleaning lady "I'll do the floors myself from now on." For the kids to come home to a tidy house and fresh baked cookies at the end of a school day, but that isn't reality. Just like the development of children my mobility does not progress in a linear pattern. Good days, bad days...In the near future I how to find a balance of positive reinforcement and consequence that Isaac responds to and to keep giving Riley more independence in appropriate doses. I'm afraid that Isaac is becoming entitled and I don't know how it's happening. I'm also worried I'll cling too Riley's "babyness" too long.

As for me I will continue to (cringe) except the help of others including my children when appropriate until it's no longer necessary. Sigh... I also promise to continue to do everything in my power to try to instill a sense of personal responsibility in each of children in what ever way their personality and temperament accepts. Onward through dishes, laundry, homework, tantrums and such...my glamorous life.

Ah, Productivity!

I thought I'd get up and get a shower. A rare thing on a weekday morning for me. I just did it. I told a still dozing Mike that Isaac was getting ready for school, Riley had her breakfast and I was getting in the shower. Afterward I got Riley and I dressed and herded the the kids into the car. I dropped the kids and rushed back so Mike could take my car to work. Showered (standing up without the shower stool!) before 9am on a Monday, can you imagine?. It's the little things.

With help I managed clean floors, kitchen and bathrooms. I finally caught up with all the laundry. Not only all the linens and clothes from the sick days, but all the regular laundry. I did every piece of laundry in the house. Not just washed, but folded and put away. Aaaahhhh! I finished the wedding invitations over the weekend and mailed them today. That was as big a relief as the laundry completion.

I got assorted other wedding related tasks finished including my vows, phew. I collected Isaac who (after a serious pep talk last night) had a great day, yay! The rest of the afternoon flew by. Then I packed Riley and I up for a slumber party at grandma's house. I have my first outpatient physical therapy appointment tomorrow and thought it would be fun to spend the night at my mom's and be closer to the appointment in the morning.

Post Halloween

In the post sugar and excitement light of morning Riley woke up and exclaimed "More goblins coming tonight!" She was a little put out that Halloween has ended. She decided the consolation price to more Trick-Or-Treating would be candy for breakfast. She was sad when I did not agree with that plan. Instead I agreed to let her wear her costume and submitted to her request for Mac and Cheese and chocolate milk for breakfast. So, she sat happily munching her cheesy noodles in Rainbow Brite attire while watching Tangled. Don't you wish you were two?

I cleaned out her clothes and toys yesterday in preparation for the garage sale (and surgery). I re-organized her room and more importantly her play kitchen in the living room. Now there's a whole toy bin for play food in the corner and no huge tub of miscellaneous toys in the living room, yay! I also stacked all her dishes in the cabinet and put all her pots and pans in the oven. She and Isaac were in full hamster mode checking out all the changes. It was cute. Even though there's nothing new it was like Christmas watching them re-discover toys that had been buried in bins previously or on closet shelves.

House-wise, I've gotten most of what I wanted accomplished done. The kids' rooms are clean and orderly. Mike's closet is functional and I even cleaned out my car. I'd still like to re-organize the kitchen and I must re-organize the bedroom shelves. Tick, tock. Wasn't I just saying I had two weeks? Now I have 6 days. They called and pre-registered me for surgery yesterday.

The only way I know to cope is to stay to busy and not think about it too much. I'm focused on the garage sale this coming weekend and Isaac's party the weekend after surgery is just an appointment I have in between. Sigh...

Pre-Surgery House Preparations

I happen to be lucky enough that the whole extended family is having a garage sale together the weekend before my surgery. Right now my mission is to clean out the kids clothes and toys. It's always a concern this time of year as both kids have birthdays and Christmas is only a few months away, but there's added pressure with the surgery looming. I shudder to remember what the boys did to my house last time I was MIA for 72hrs. On top of which I need clear floors when I get back from the hospital (wheelchair plus high risk for breaking my hip).

I started by attacking my poor dining room table. It had been buried since my last round of crafts. I got all the stuff off (now my desk is buried) and got the Halloween table cloth on it. I really need to scrounge up a centerpiece for it now. I put Riley's small pumpkin and my chain of fall leaves on it, but I'm not happy. Also, speaking of the kids harvest yesterday Isaac smashed his gourd yesterday. We didn't even have it 24hrs! I had just explained why he shouldn't run with it.

After the table was clear (and some rest) I attacked Isaac's room. He is a horder in training. When I've tried to help him clean up he crys when I throw out tiny scraps of paper or empty baggies. He always thinks he's going to need everything. It's irritating. Usually, he can be reasoned with about parting with toys to make room for new toys. I tried exciting him about the kids who would be happy to get them, but he is a 9yr old boy.

This time I decided to skip the drama and do it while he was at school. I enlisted my mom's help and sweep through de-cluttering. I put all the toys for the garage sale in a dark bin so he won't be able to see what's in it. I was very fair in my selections and very stealthy in leaving things so it was hard to tell where things were missing. Then I pulled the bin into my room and emptied all the trash. Mission complete.

When he came home from school I asked him to go through his book shelf and pull books for the garage sale. His shelves are overflowing with reading material that's beneath him. That way he gets to help too. I intended to tackle Riley's room too, but it's threatening to storm and my joints hurt. After Miss Roo's considerable toy collection has been purged I have to re-organize my kitchen. If someone helps me after surgery I need them to be able to finds things based on my verbal directions from bed/couch. Plus I'm hoping for some kitchenware upgrades in the coming months.

Then last but not least I need to work on my room. I need my clothes accessible. I need a calm environment to heal in. I need clear pathways and surfaces. I need to feel prepared. It'll be here so soon!