Lattes and Labwork

I always forgot/block out what a long day pre-op lab work day always is. I had to do it right away because next Friday is Miss Roo's 4th birthday and the next day is her party. In order to get my head in the right space I threw coupons to the wind and splurged on my beloved pumpkin latte and donuts. so, I started the adventure caffeinated and with an overwhelming sense of deja vu.

They still needed the actual disc of my cat scan films because Dr. B was only able to view them online thus far. That added an annoying errand to the itinerary. I'm just grateful my mom was driving after picking up breakfast. I met with Joe, the right hand man, and him alone regardless of the mention of the hardware rep the day before yesterday. He seemed confident that once we got the disc to them we'd be ready to roll. He discounted my theory for the loose hardware with complete confidence and told me it wasn't "uncommon" for hardware to come loose. (Yikes.) I may get more aggressive about exploring other explanations down the road, but for now I'm requesting a copy of my chart and hitting the Google. Besides, it's completely obvious that I forced the hardware out with my Jedi mind powers! Duh. The force IS strong.

After our chat with Joe we proceeded to procure the elusive disc (but not before obtaining stickers and a lollipop to bring to Miss Roo). When we got there the old man at the desk was a bit huffy that we hadn't called ahead and dismissed the nurses claim that the line was busy out of hand. Nevertheless fifteen minutes later we were walking out the door with the object of our quest. My Jedi powers probably helped us out there too (they can't hurt).

Because one hospital in one day wasn't enough we went over to the hospital where my surgery will be. Sigh. That's when the real fun began. Pre-registration (just like for a vacation), blood work, EKG and chest x-ray. I still hate needles. How far are we from functional tricorders? While we're on the subject I'd love an ETA on the Doctor's super scalpel that can just beam objects out of you too. Anyway, back in reality everything went pretty much hitch-less until the final test which we had to wait almost a million hours to do which was annoying because it was far from crowded and the X-ray itself took less than two minutes. After which they forgot to give me my paperwork back. After one last chat with the admitting nurse it was time to deliver the disc to the Ortho and find some freaking lunch.

I miss being single on days like today when my fondest wish was to finish my lunch and go home and crawl into bed. No such luck, Isaac needed paperwork filled out and supplies gathered for gifted, homework supervision and a ride to the library to pick up his hold items before they close for the long weekend. After that it was off to collect Miss Roo from school and back home. Despite being told I was tagging him him at 6pm exactly if not sooner Mike is still working well past 7pm so I had a clumsy jaunt into the kitchen to reheat leftovers for the kiddos. Thanks to some streaming Hello Kitty cartoons I'm hoping all will be quiet until Mike really is off the clock.

Speaking of, I hope all his quiet until the 10th.

The Prep Work

I decided to avoid waiting by the phone yesterday and test out those new tires by taking Riley to the mall. I ordered a dress online, but it was too big. I took it back and got Riley two more dresses instead. While we were at the mall the Old Ortho's office called. We're all set for Thursday morning. The procedure takes about an hour and will be at the hospital not the surgery center. The issue was I couldn't wait until after my appointment Wednesday (to sign the consent forms) to get the labwork done. She said it had to be before I came for the pre-surgurical counciling. Sigh.

So with my bubble burst and our leisurely girls afternoon at the mall down the drain we headed home. I fed Riley and put her down for nap. I knew if I had blood drawn with only coffee in my system I'd probably faint of throw up or both, but nothing looked good. I finally settled on a hotdog and a Coke and took off. I'm pretty tough. Tough enough to get metal rod put in and only ever take Extra Strength Tylenol after the first 48hrs. I do not snivel over pain. However, I hate needles. So, labwork is my least favorite thing next to anesthesia.

Regardless, of the fact that I'm only 30yrs old, never had any heart or lung problems and survived surgery less than 6month ago Old Ortho still requires a chest X-ray and EKG on top of blood work. In his infinite generosity he said I could skip a medical clearance from my primary care doctor (eye roll). The lady who took my blood was a tiny, no nonsense little black lady. I could tell she was going to be super speedy, which next to not having to get blood drawn is my favorite thing. It was over quick and once all the bodily fluids she required were collected I went to get an X-ray of my chest.

Chatty Cathy asked if I was having back surgery. Yup. Then if I could be pregnant. Nope. When upon her interesting expression I revealed that my tubes were tied she remarked "Aren't you awfully young for that?" (any other Phineas and Ferb fans giggling?)Then she noticed the "zipper" and said "oh, you've already had back surgery. Yup. I told her some of the metal from the first one was coming out. She took the pictures and checked them. There was a brief silence and she asked "do you have your nipples pierced?" No. "Oh, well it must be your bra." Nope, not wearing one. That's when I stopped looking down my dress like an idiot and asked if the tiny metal piece for adjusting the straps could be the problem. Yup.

I was dying to go home and crawl into bed and this point. I was sure Riley was up and causing problems for Mike who was trying to work. At this point they told me they told me the EKG staff was in a meeting and I'd have to wait for them to get back. Of course. Once they finally called me the test took about 2minutes. I rushed home annoyed to find Riley still asleep and Isaac expecting company.

I "rested" for about 10minutes before I had to situate Riley with a snack and supervise the boys. With Boo and D. out of town Riley and I were going to dance class by ourselves. I felt soul crushing fatigue. All I wanted to do was turn on trash TV and lay in bed and cry. I told Mike as I put on my shoes "When she's 16 and she says I've never done anything for her tell her about today." From dresses to dance class she had a great day. Her poor Mommy is emotionally drained. She's lucky I love her.

I know this post is long and only moderately interesting, but I couldn't stop thinking about the humorous events of getting my pre-surgical labwork done two years ago: It's Funny Now.

Ready, Set, Panic Part 1

Monday I went for the lab work. I HATE needles. I can handle anything, but I hide my eyes when they poke people on House. I had an awesome lab tech who reminded me of Franklin from Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's Dead. He come out to the waiting room and said "I'm gonna draw some blood." Which I answered with a sarcastically enthusiastic Woohoo! When we got where we were going he said "Ok, which arm? And it can't be mine." I sympathized that he heard that terrible joke a lot and told him to do whatever would make it go by faster. He did his thing and I was breathing deeply and looking the other way when I heard "Uh-oh." Not a great moment for me. He assured me that it wasn't me (isn't that always the way?!?) Anyway, the tube was defective he switched it and apologized. He also added that "it never happens to the cranky old man it has to be the sweet little blonde."

Then "Franklin" informed me he needed a urine sample as well. This sounds simple enough, but let me paint you a picture of me in my wheelchair and my round little friend trying to maneuver in a bathroom that is only slightly larger than a port-a-potty. Well I got in there and peed without breaking my ankles, but then I couldn't get out! No kidding I was trapped (think the scene in Austin Powers when he backs the golf cart up and hits the wall, pulls forward and hits the wall repeatedly). I was banging into walls inside and "Franklin" was banging the door against the wheelchair trying to help me escape. Somehow I got out laughing my head off and the rest of my tests (chest x-ray, EKG...) happened without incident.