Monday, Who Needs You?

Today, it's becoming ridiculous. I hurt. My cleaning help injured herself and frankly I don't care if the floors are dirty today. I took Riley to Boo's and stayed until lunch. The babies are a much more pleasant distraction than TV. Not that mine's working properly. I buggered off and instead of trying to sleep (which I would have failed at, trust me) I called the insurance about my pills. They do not care about my pain or to explain themselves. I stayed on the phone while the form they needed was faxed to the Ortho.

Don't get excited yet, once they get it back it's 24-72hrs before I can get my medicine. I decided at that point I would use the last hour of quiet and whatever adrenaline I could muster to go to the craft store. I needed retail therapy, art therapy and a purpose that didn't involve interacting with other humans just then. Luckily, not many people go at 2pm on Monday even during "coupon craziness" or whatever it's called. Which means two things: 1)Space right up front and 2)The electric cart was free!! That has NEVER happened before.

I snatched that sucker up, thanked God for this bright spot in my day and zipped off to shop. I got everything I needed and then some. I used 4 or 5 coupons saving about $23. I was pleased. I had projects!

I got home put my stuff down and went to fetch Isaac. Now I had two requests via messenger niether of which appealed to me. First to call the cable company. That call resolved nothing. Second to pick up dinner ingredients. Even less fun there. No electric carts at the grocery store at 5:30. Grumble. In between Isaac had two meltdowns one was over whether or not he's on the naughty list (in September!) and the other over addition yes adding numbers together.

Somehow, I kept my temper even though it all. I survived and then the unspeakable happened. Riley lost her security object at Boo's house. Her muffin. No one could find it and I was rushing and they were rushing. She did ok until bedtime and then she didn't. We did everything we could to calm her and she went to sleep, but Mike was worried she'd be up in the night looking for it. So he went to Boo's when they got home with his head lamp (No joke) to find it. In the end the muffin was returned. Yay!!

I am wired between the pain and anxiety about seeing the new Ortho tomorrow. I may even bring Riley to ensure an even emotional state. I don't know.

Never as Bad as You Think

The test is done. It took 10min there was no contrast dye so I don't have to pump and dump. I called and got a follow up for Thursday morning. All good.

The Ob can't give me anything for pain because they can only offer Tylenol 3 and I'm allergic to Codeine. I missed my mom's group. I'm feeling generally anxious and sad. Not so good.

Riley went to my dad's house with her Grandma while I had the test. Holy Cow, was she wailing when I came back. Apparently she was slightly concerned when I left, but played and took a 30min nap. She woke up crying and Joanne gave her a bottle and that's when I got back. She was crying really hard when I came in and then sat happily in my lap and finished her bottle. Then I handed her to my dad so I could pack up our stuff and she started wailing. He tried to pass her to Joanne, but she was literally trying to leap out of her arms to me so I carried her to the car. Separation anxiety?

A Night Out Without the Baby

I have found I have about a two hour limit away from Riley before I become physically (thanks breastfeeding) and emotionally ready to see her again. Even in my worst moments when I want everyone and everything to go away I want to be with Riley. This past week Mike got invited to sing with his boss's band on Wednesday night. I was never a bar person even when I was single and Wednesday is right in the middle of the week. So here I was just recovered from camping, tired and coming down with a cold going to a bar on a Wednesday night.

Riley was sound asleep and unquestionably out for the night. I sucked it up and left his mom to sit with the sleeping kids. I was excited to be out with just Mike and to video his performance like the supportive girl I am. Not to mention it had been at least a year since we heard live music.

It was fun, too smokey but a nice change of pace. I was sad the whole time, but it was a small sadness and it didn't ruin my night. However, when it struck two hours I basically chased Mike out the door.

I knew Riley would be soundly sleeping and not even know I was gone. Two hours is just my emotional limit for now. When she came home from the hospital it was about 5min and by December I could handle an hour and now I'm up to two. They tell me someday I'll be glad for a break and I believe them even if I can't imagine it now.