I'm Not a Fan of 5...

I got a phone call yesterday that Miss Roo's glasses were ready to be picked up. It was good news, but five had already proven to be an extremely difficult year. I love my kids dearly, but certain phases are painful for everyone involved. The beginning of three certainly comes to mind. I thought we were bracing for Isaac's difficult transition to middle school, but it was smooth sailing. Riley however became melodramatic, mean, dishonest and unpredictable. The world made no sense to me when the behavior started. I know now that I gave her way to much sway with the school transition and her cram packed month of birthday festivities. I just kept waiting for things to "go back to normal." Normal is not static, it is fluid and often changes as soon as you have a handle on it.

I started to feel like I didn't even know this person. I reported things she told me to her teacher only to find out they were completely untrue. So embarrassing, how could I have known when prior to now she had always been truthful? She wasn't so drastically different at home, but I started feeling the old tingling-of-the-Spidey-Senses. I was suddenly overcome with anxiety that Miss Roo was misbehaving at school. Could she be...a bad kid? After everything we went through at the beginning of the school year I thought her strange behavior was over. Wrong-O.

I soon became overwhelmed by her nightly fits at bedtime. To clarify: throwing herself to ground, screaming, kicking, saying nasty things fits, every night. I was blind-sided. I reacted badly at first, feeding into the drama (oops). After a few night I made some adjustments gave her new incentives to go to bed peacefully and enlisted Mike for back up. Once we were out of the woods (phew) at home my Spidy Sense about school grew. Sure enough I went to pick her up thinking we'd grab her glasses on the way home and had my suspicion confirmed.

I arrived as they were finishing up lunch. Roo's greeting was over-enthusiastic and I knew something was up. When I approached her teacher it was obvious something had just gone down. Miss K had an incident report for me to sign, ugh! Apparently, Riley decided she didn't want to eat anything in her lunch except the fruit snacks. Now these are the healthy natural fruit snacks, but they are still "a treat" and Miss K told her (as Mom would have) that she needed to eat a few bites of her sandwich first. Riley's response was to throw herself from her chair to the ground so hard she was injured.

I mean really! Who IS this kid? Where did my sweet, logical little problem solver go? I bit my lip and tried not to cry from frustration. Next, even though I knew the answer I asked if this had happened before. I felt sick. I told her about the bedtime issues we'd recently resolved. We agreed we needed to be in communication about the "fit issue." She'd always been such a good kid. I was so frustrated and afraid I'd caused this by putting her in the bad environment, not taking her out sooner or not reacting to it properly when it started. Nonetheless, things had changed it was time for a new strategy. It felt like three all over again, maybe worse.

We went straight home (without a stop for her glasses) and talked about her choices. I said the things I've said a hundred times "Did the fit solve the problem? Did it make things better? Did it make anybody happy?" "You have to use your words to solve problems." And so on. I made a sticker chart so we could keep track of days without fits. I devised a whole reward system with emphasis on the positive reinforcement. I was sure knowing that the teacher and I were communicating would go a long way. I knew we could nip this nasty habit right in the bud if we handled it well.

It's never linear though this growing up stuff. I dropped off her beautiful Frozen themed sticker chart this morning with high hopes, but I know this like everything else will be a process. After school today there was a note instead of a sticker and I was totally bummed. We picked up Riley's glasses on the way home. She looks gorgeous in them, but it's a tangible reminder of all the change.

There's always time to make better choices, Miss Roo. Let's do this.

Building Workshop FAIL

So, I took the kids to Lowes this morning to build Santa's sleigh. I was on my own because Mike was smoking ribs for Isaac's party. We got there early and discovered we had to go inside and all the way to the back corner of the store. That was my parking spot choice fail, oops. They had a piece of plywood propped up on buckets for a table and buckets for chairs. Low to the ground seating, Lowes (small) fail. Then we waited for someone to check us in we were 3rd in line. They gave me kits, but no aprons, fail! Apparently there weren't enough goggles to go around either. They just seemed less organized.

We were super excited to build Santa's sleigh and much to Riley's delight the only tool for this project was a hammer. They had tiny kid sized hammers, very cute. We started out excited, but it was a challenging project. I mis-hammered and bent a nail and hit my thumb, my double fail. Riley happily hammered next to me while I floundered starting her project. This time there weren't several store employees helping just one and he stayed at the first table, fail.

About 20mins in I looked over and Isaac was red faced and glassy eyed. I told him to take a deep breath and congratulated him on being halfway done. I'd still only gotten the first nail in and was wishing I had 4 hands. When I looked back it was clear he had not taken a breath. I got Riley's project situated and was getting ready to examine his when he exploded into tears! FAIL.

I told him to pack it up and tried to explain to Riley we'd finish at home. That made it worse and now everyone was staring at the lady with the crutches trying to scramble up from her too low bucket and collect her hysterical kid. Nice. I get Riley packed up and following me and I slow down to check that Isaac is with us when I bump into a friend of mine and her 3 beautiful (well behaved) children. I greeted them and explained we needed to make a quick exit glancing back at Isaac still having a fit behind me and flashed them my bloody thumb. I can't imagine what they must think of me. I can't imagine what any of the other parents thought.

Off we went for the long trek back through the store with Isaac sobbing and Riley yelling at him at a torturous crutch walking speed. Sigh. When we got to the car he had calmed down and I informed him he would not join us for any more of those. He apologized to Riley. She went home and finished her sleigh with Daddy and the big hammer. I put Isaac's away for another time.

I don't have any pictures from sleigh building, but here are the kids napkin holders with fancy Thanksgiving napkins in them!

Riley Moved In To The Time Out Corner

What happened? I had a smiley, sweet girl this morning. This evening I am bone tired and my head aches. Now Riley is uncharacteristically grumpy. Grumpelstiltiskin, pitching a fit while playing playdough?!? Un-be-lievable. Throwing toys at Grandma? Come on. Really? Refusing to put toys in a bag (her favorite activity). She's so very, inescapably two this evening.

Throwing, kicking, fighting. Little Riley quite contrary. Her favorite phrase is "I don't want" with lots of extra syllables. She threw herself to the ground and pulled a lamp down inches from her head. She loves to throw garbage away it's her second most helpful activity after helping load the dryer. Tonight when she was asked to throw her banana peal away she chucked it right on the ground. Defiant little bugger.

Bath time was a nightmare too and she loves baths. She demanded to get out so I told her to sit down for a minute. She yelled "No!" in my face. I drained the tub wrapped her in a towel and ignored the crying heap on the bath mat. When she calmed down I explained how getting out was her bad choice.

We had a pleasant story time experience, which was a relief. As soon as we finished the book and I wished her good night the thrashing and screaming started. I assured her if she cried I'd shut the door. I asked if she'd rather look at a book quietly with the door open. She made the logical choice for once this evening.

Then, after multiple requests to clean his room were ignored, I caught Isaac with his feet up on his destroyed desk reading a book. I pointed out that his list of responsibilities clearly states "clean room" before "have a good time!". This list has existed for at least 2 years. Beyond that, he was warned about and punished for not picking up last night. So, today at 4pm he ignored my request, at 6:30 he ignored my plea to straighten up and come eat (or the first half at least) and now after he'd lost his computer he was lounging in his mess like he was on vacation?!?

His behavior at school today was poor so his sticker chart was looking skimpy tonight, as it was. I told him how disrespectful ignoring me was. Pointed out that he made the mess, he let it go several days and he ignored multiple opportunities to take care of it. So, it wasn't me he was mad at. I planted myself while he started putting the mound of books back on the shelf. His protested and I explained how trust works and how I really didn't want to sit there. He worked diligently for several minutes and then exploded in a fit of temper. I sent him to shower and adjust his attitude.

It worked he come out clean and calm. I sent him to work on the mess for the ten minutes before bed after he apologized. He has a big field trip tomorrow and no school Friday so the prospect of restricted privileges really overwhelmed him. Now they are quiet in their rooms and Mike has brownies in the oven. I may survive...

Being Almost Two

Riley has a lot of moments where I shake my head and say "Are you being 2 again?" When she insists on picking her own clothes and ends up in head to toe pink. Afterward she adds every plastic necklace in her collection and a dinosaur baseball cap. Sometimes she insists panties and a bike helmet is dressed. Sometimes she demands cookies for breakfast, you know, the usual stuff.

She has incredible mood swings. She'll get all excited about something (ie Grandma coming over, going to Boo's or having some watermelon) and moments later be upset about it. The other day she was screaming in excitement to go see Boo and then I asked her to come get dressed which got a mini meltdown response. I talked her into it and then we got out the door all smiles, but in the driveway she refused to get in the car. I have no idea why. Through herself on the driveway and screamed. I asked her if she wanted to stay home and go to time out instead of going to Boo's and she answered "time out!". Unfortunately she'd called my bluff this time. I'd say I'm more consistent than most, but I was not prepared to follow through this time. I got her in the car seat and she played happily. When we pulled up in their driveway I said, "Do you want to go see your friends?" "no!". She did go in and play and I have no idea what that stuff was all about.

Frustration is the biggest thing. When we don't understand what she wants she looses her cool quickly (increasingly dramatically depending on level of sleep). It's understandable that now that we know what she's saying 90% of the time the other 10% is super frustrating. Welcome to the second year (almost) Miss Roo.

There are also moments when it's a complete blessing. Like not having to change poopy diapers anymore. This morning Riley saw her brother all dressed in his yellow summer camp shirt and said "Camp!". I replied "Yup, Isaac's ready for camp." Riley sighed slightly and then said "Eye-Gick, camp. Help me." She paused pointing to her back and said "Rye-Ee backpack". Now, dumb old Mommy figured it out. "You want to help take Isaac to camp and wear your backpack?". When I take her with me to drop off or pick up Isaac she wears her Dora backpack so I can hang on to her. "Yes!" she replied.

I was so proud of her for not getting frustrated and screaming or throwing herself to the floor. She just gradually added more information to the statement with the words at her disposal. I got her dressed so they she could go "help me" and told Mike the story. We gave her lots of praise and even dusted off the potty treat container and rewarded her for using her words so well. It's going to be interesting from here...