Sink or Float

I gave Riley a bath and she had the life preserver toy from her bath toys boat and a dinosaur she inherited from her big brother. I finished washing her and rescued the dino from floating away when I realized the only thing that made a floating dinosaur weirder was that the life preserver sunk. What are we teaching these kids?!?

Interrupting the Regularly Scheduled Program

Interrupting the Regularly Scheduled Program will be years of back and hip pain coming to a climax followed by multiple surgeries... Before everything got bad I wrote about what our day to day was like, to re-read it now makes me a little sad. On the plus side I have recognized at this point in my recovery that we actually have a routine again, even if it's not the one I'd choose. We wake up on weekdays between 7-7:30am Riley's been sleeping with me. Between her being sick so long and not being able to go get her from the crib myself it's easier. I will say for the record we started re-transitioning her back to the crib. Sorry about the tangent, so my little alarm clock wakes me up and we watch "Mickey Mouse's Clubhouse" in bed until Daddy has to be up. After we're sure he's up Riley and I go out to the living room. I make sure Isaac is getting ready and scare up Riley's breakfast. Once she's confined and happily eating I take a rest and check in on the boys. They leave at 8:30am and Riley and I watch more Mickey or talk until our favorite "Jack's Big Music Show" is on at 9am. After Jack we do a wipe down and get Riley dressed. There's 1.5-2hrs of playing in the living room before she usually snuggles up with me on the couch for her morning nap. Sometime between 11:30-12 she's up and ready for lunch. She plays in her room or the living room until 3:30-4p when she curls up with Mommy for the unpredictable and often nonexistent 2nd nap. Usually the boys come home around 5:30-6pm. Riley usually demands some quality time with Daddy right away. Dinner varies wildly depending on what we're having because after working all day it's still up to Mike to cook, but once there's a plan Riley either eats and then we have a bath or occasionally the reverse. I make sure Isaac's ready for bed and then Riley and I lay down about 9-9:30p and once she's asleep I'm usually done for the day. I try to fold laundry, pick up the living room or work on something productive, but it doesn't always happen. Thank goodness for our cleaning lady! I can take care of Riley alone with no anxiety although it's not easy. It's been baby steps, first diapers, changing clothes, in and out of the high chair and finally baths. Soon I hope to be cooking and driving again

Baby Boom

When I was pregnant alot of other people I knew were too. They say every time the economy is bad there's a baby boom. I was happy to be pregnant and I've talked before about always knowing it would be my one and only time. I got the most perfect little girl. I couldn't have drawn better blueprints. She's amazing and I'm so happy to have her. I'm also glad given my situation medically that I got my tubes tied. All that being said is it just me or is everyone pregnant? My friends with babies Riley's age or younger all seem to have another bun in the oven. Not all of them where planned, but everyone's happy. It got to the point where I don't want to go online. I would never begrudge someone sharing their pregnancy with their loved ones (I certainly did), but it makes me so sad. I know that there's nothing rational to it. Even if I had a great pregnancy the first time I wouldn't be ready for another baby this soon and I already have 2 kids at home. Logic just doesn't enter into it. Typing this is emotional. It started out as a feeling that my baby was growing up and I missed the days when she was smaller, but that's not it anymore. I just envy the pregnancy. I want the belly, the kicks and all that potential. I want to take more belly pictures, decorate another nursery and dream up more names. Maybe I will have more kids some where down the line, but I know I will never be pregnant again. I know this with absolute certainty. I also know that it is unquestionably the right thing for me, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. I'm sad for the belly that will never be.

"Older Babies"

Riley and I have gone to a new mom's support group since she was about 6 weeks old. It's been wonderful. It got us out of the house which was very important after 2 weeks in the NICU and 2 more weeks of being forbidden to take my preemie anywhere. It gave me some valuable and trustworthy information and an appropriate place to vent. Most of all it introduced me to some truly amazing people. I love the lactation consultant who runs the group she helped me so much when I had my surgery and I made mom group my first outing once I was discharged. Not only that but moms from the group came over and brought meals to the house for the first two weeks once I was home. Time marches on and suddenly Riley is one of the "older babies." It's so bizarre because I remember sitting in a chair with my 6wk old sleeping peanut and thinking the babies crawling around on the floor where huge. I used to think "Gosh, I can't wait until you actually stay awake for this Riley." Not long after that I couldn't wait until she could sit and play at group. Soon after all the babies her age were crawling and cruising. We've hit all those milestones and now all the moms with tiny new babies thinks Riley is "huge." So, the moms and babies I watched with "someday" repeating in my brain have moved on to toddler appropriate pastors. Magically Riley and her buddies have replaced them as the older babies. Only it's more like Doctor Who than Saved by the Bell. This cast change means welcome introduction of new adventures. Riley and her friends are amazing little explorers. Exploration needs space and like so many things we may have outgrown our wonderful group. Our new mom's group has become very popular. So much so that there's no where to sit (big problem post back surgery) and your stroller is always blocked in when you're ready to go. The older babies decided to get together on our own this week. One play room 2 crawling/cruising girls, 2 walking boys, lots of toys, 4 mommies and warm chocolate chip cookies. Maybe Riley getting older isn't so bad. And thank God for digital cameras and good friends to applaud your ability to change a squirming baby in your lap while nursing.

Houses

I have lived in 4 cities and within those cities moved apartments anywhere up to 3times. I have moved ALOT. However, I have never moved as part of a group. It was always just me packing, apartment hunting and unpacking. Now that my quick trip to Florida has hit the 3yr mark and I'm a mother it's time to move. Mike's house, much like my pre-pregnancy bathing suit, is too small. We've got 4 people in what is technically a 2bedroom house. Also, sharing one bathroom with two boys, enough said. Now that our lease is up at the end of September and we've officially let the landlord know we've out grown the place we've start looking at houses. Specifically we're looking for, a 3-4bedroom 1.5-2bathroom house, I just happened to watch that show "Raising Sextuplets" the other day and they were house hunting because they were moving to Florida. It started off with some dispute about what they could afford and then once they actually started looking things escalated horribly because they couldn't agree on a house mainly because of varying ideas of what is baby safe. It's been less rocky for us. Mike's been in this house for 8yrs and is a little weary of leaving such low rent behind. Overall though we agree on a reasonable range for our new house. We do however, just like the reality shows folks, differ on our favorites. He loves a house he found 30min away with a sprawling backyard and a dock. I two major reservations 1)the distance (I have friends and medical apts here) and 2) Safety (I don't really trust either kid around a dock). Mike thinks a pool would be great I think it would be more trouble than it's worth and a safety issue. Mainly we're on the same page about things though. Everyone needs their own space. There must be some room to place outside for the kids and a much bigger kitchen. This is just the next step. This is the next place we get comfy for a while and after this house we'll find the forever house, I hope.

Adapting to Adaptation

Riley turned 11mo yesterday. I can't believe it. She has 4 teeth (two on top two on the bottom). She took her first independent step today towards her brother, of course. We are still battling the rash from hell, she's on antibiotics now. She's very, very busy. I got a bow to stay in her hair yesterday, hurray! I'm pretty sure breastfeeding is winding down and I'm ok with that. Riley even fits into her 12month clothes. SOOO BIG.

As Riley grows and my recovery drags on a whole new phase of logistical problems arise. I no longer have the ability to bend my spine or have my hands free when walking (walker, crutches, etc)and she's heavier and quicker than she used to be. I've dealt with disability stuff vs baby care issues before, but I feel really stressed doing it now. I have a wonderful Egro baby carrier which is great when sitting in the wheelchair, but as of yet my back isn't ready to wear her standing. I can lift her in and out of the high chair now that we lowered it or from the rocker to the changing table, but not for any distance.

I can't push the stroller without discomfort at this point. I'm not sure what's temporary and what's permanent at this point. I know that one of the physical therapists estimated at least a year with an assistive device. Whether or not that's realistic it's pretty certain that for the foreseeable future I'll be dealing with some limitations beyond what I had going into surgery and a walking/running toddler.

Riley comes when I call her most of the time, crawls after me in the house, and comes to me and stands up when she needs me. She's "such a trooper" just like mama, but how to keep up with her is a challenge. I worry about pulling her by the arms because I can't reach any lower on her body without bending. I also worry about the day to day once she's walking. I've gotta be able to keep ahold of her when I'm by myself. For her safety as well as mine.

So, just like sucking it up and FINALLY using the scooter at the grocery store. I find myself considering something else I thought I'd never do. A harness. They're cute now at least, shaped like happy animals and functional as backpacks. Not like either the Velcro wrist tethers that I remember from childhood or the blue harnesses that they made special ed kids wear on the school bus. Still I feel judged (mostly by myself) for even thinking about it. It doesn't help that Mike refuses to have anything to do with getting or using one, but if I didn't need it to keep her safe I wouldn't either.

So, onward we go and as ever it is overwhelming but never boring.

A Baby's Gotta Do What A Baby's Gotta Do

We went out to dinner with some gift cards we'd been saving and when we left the resturant the sky had opened up. We managed to get everyone in the car relatively dry, but when we got home my car was in the driveway and it was really coming down. We had a family discussion about who would get out when and then waited to see if it would let up. It did not let up so we "ran for it." Needless to say we were all more than a little damp when we got inside. Riley did not like the idea of getting into dry clothes and a dry diaper. She fought me like an Olympic wrestler. It was really exsasperating so once her wet clothes and diaper were off I gave up. I lowered her off my lap naked and the second her butt hit the carpet she peed. When I said "Riley are you peeing?" and dropped a towel in her lap that little girl looked up and me and laughed! She was so amused by herself. Funnily enough when I scopped her up to put a daiper on her she didn't resist. I guess she just needed to be naked long enough to pee on the carpet.