All in a Day's Work for the Amazing Miss Roo

Riley had her 15mo check up today, oddly enough the day she turned 16mo. It's so strange to see the pediatrician at 12mo and then at 15/16mo. She was only rarely experimenting with walking last time we saw him. This time she was running all over the room. As an added bonus she'd also pulled down her skirt and was stepping out of it when the doctor came in.

I had my back to the door and was filling out some paperwork they gave us at the front when I heard "Why, hello Riley you've got no pants." Sure enough I looked down to see her smiling up at me in all her diapery glory. Good first impression I'm the mom who had all the surgeries wheeling in with Riley in my lap. It would be nice to at least look like I had things together.

Toddlers are great for keeping you modest. Dr. J was pleased with her growth. Her weight has apparently "tapered off." She's down to 18lbs 9oz below average for her age, but her height was exactly average at 33in. I guess it's her destiny to be tall and thin, my little ballerina.

He claims her infamous bump is stable, but I don't know how he can tell under all that hair. I know I should thank my lucky stars for such a healthy girl, but I miss life before hemangiomas. I only had about a week or so with Riley before those bumps appeared and it's likely they will never cause a problem and be gone by kindergarten, but Mike loves to do Internet research (especially when I ask him not to) and I'll be more comfortable when they're gone.

Today's poke was the MMR (Measles, Mumps, Rubella). I'm so glad this was the second to last of the 'shots every visit' appointments. I had some passing anxiety about shots without nursing during and after. It was the second time in a week I really missed "the magic boob." What could I console her with? It worked out that I was reading her a book in my lap (No, No Yes, Yes by: Leslie Patricelli)when he returned ready to do the deed. I continued reading and gently restrained her while he gave the poke. She started to cry so I shut the book so I could hold her. Isn't that amazing about toddlers? Even when you're the one who held them still while they got a shot or whacked their head pitting them in the car they still reach for you to be comforted. I know that won't last.

Through her tears Riley insisted, by opening the book right back up and pointing, that I continue. She had a valid point we hadn't finished the book. After we were done reading the book we made our way into the hallway where sobs had been replaced by inconsistent whimpers.

Dr. J's staff were kind enough to walk me out to the car which was such a help because I wanted nothing more than to get this tired (Thanks daddy for rescheduling this appointment during her nap time) cranky baby home fast. The wheelchair was folded and loaded, the baby was buckled and we were on our way in less than 5mins from arriving at the car (that's great time for hobble-along mommy).

As we pulled out I looked in my "child view" mirror and saw my pretty girl smiling in her big girl carseat and pretending to drink a cup of tea. The resilience of childhood should be harnessed!

Sicky McCrankypants Magoo

Yes, Riley's still at it. She's feverish, cranky and it's been almost 48hrs since she's eaten. I think this is the sickest she's been in her whole life. It's days like this that I wish I was still breast feeding. Poor, pathetic little Roo. We've been hanging out in my bed alot. Today my normally very busy little 15mo laid next to me for an hour of Shrek Forever After. Nap times which were sourly needed were awful because she had to be in her crib alone for that. She was so miserable all day.

At bathtime her fever seemed to be gone for good, but we discovered a rash all over her body. That's when alight bulb went on for me. I remember a mom at my new mom's group describing a terrible rash after a fever. It was that Roseola thing.

http://www.babycenter.com/0_roseola_1616.bc

Mystery solved. After bath her appetite finally returned! She started happily playing like she'd never been sick. Phew!

You would Cry too if it Happened to You

Hi, Ho. Hi, Ho. It's off to physical therapy I go. Unlike after the back surgery when I was chomping at the bit to start therapy this time I was less enthusiastic. Last time I couldn't move and I wanted some ability to care for myself back. I wanted something to work at after the trauma of my back so I could get past it emotionally. This surgery was far less traumatic.

The Ortho had promised whether they replaced my hip or not I wouldn't be allowed to bear weight for at least 8weeks. At my post surgery follow up he told me to bear weight as tolerated. It took me a few weeks to tolerate it at all and I still can't be on my feet long (or anywhere, but flat on my back for that matter). My point being I can move this time and I'm less traumatized so less excited to begin therapy.

I had no idea how anxious I was about the prospect until I burst into tears last night. I was unable to articulate it for long enough for Mike to lose interest. After sobbing in the living room by myself for awhile I wheeled into the bedroom and said "What if it doesn't get any better than this?" Worse than anything I could imagine what if I had traded the debilitating pain for this horribly limited condition. As my mind unraveled through the negative possibilities I realized there was something worse after all what if it got worse? What if I did all of this for nothing?

I hyperventilated until I was unconscious that night. I got up still worried, but resolved to get through it. Once again I was given a prescription of 3x a week for six weeks, but the insurance was even more stingy this time and I only get 4 visits. I have to pay out of pocket for anymore than that.

Beyond that I was full of false confidence that my physical therapist would be impressed with my mobility and healing, but my muscles as it turns out are super weak. We did a full hour session and then I headed home no less discouraged than when I arrived.

About an hour later the pain started. I am not a wimp and I was in tears most of the evening. Mike was stressed about work and has no real sympathy for the amount of hard work I had just done.

On top of everything else Riley is sick. I really hate being an adult on days like this. Swallowing my sobs so I could console a whimpering sick little baby and keep her out of Mike's hair while he worked. Sick toddlers, for those of you lucky enough not to know, absolutely refuse to be put down. So instead of sleeping or watching Grey's Anatomy and crying out my frustration and pain I consoled Riley in my bed with Elmo on. Yay, parenthood.

Drop Rail Cribs

Drop Rail Cribs

How can it be after decades of use that drop rail cribs are illegal. I am enraged first as a woman under 5feet and as a disabled woman. Why wouldn't they demand the cribs conform to a higher safety standard instead? Or at the least wait until a safer alternative that doesn't require lifting 10-30lbs of baby over a solid rail. I don't know what short and or disabled mothers will do? What are the options if you're not capable of lifting your baby over a solid rail. Letting the baby sleep in your bed? Not so safe. Mattress on the floor, again not so safe. What if you climb a step ladder lean down to put the baby in and slip. Either injuring the baby or cracking your own ribs? Is there no advocate for mothers?

I'm really distraught about this. My physical limitations make my independence as a parent difficult enough. Now popular opinion has caused the government to go to an extreme. If I were pregnant now I would be lost. I'm so sorry that babies got hurt, but we're not talking about lead paint here. We're talking about a staple of baby care.

Here Comes 2011...

Even though popular opinion seems to be that 2010 should not let the door hit it on the way out I, strangely enough, have no ill will for 2010. It absolutely refused to follow any of my plans and unrelentingly kicked my butt. I watched my little girl grow from a 3mo old infant all the way into a full fledged walking, talking 15mo old toddler. I watched Mike thrive at a job that not only paid the bills, but made him happy. I saw some old friendships change and fade and some new friends become family.

I had enough pain to be grateful for my strength, enough tears to cherish the laughter and enough love to keep going. I missed my body before all the pain, my life before the baby, my career before Mike, my parents before the divorce, but overall I was so grateful to be in a much better place than 2009 and (hopefully) on the road to lasting recovery.

I had exactly zero desire to ring in 2011 at a party New Years Eve so of course a babysitter materialized. I decided I couldn't no matter how tired pass up a night out without the kids. So I packed up some pajamas for the kiddos and one of their new movies and dropped them off with Grandpa and Grandma shortly after 7pm.

Dates are so few and far between we always have to get used to the aloneness for a bit. We went to a sushi place for dinner. The same restaurant we had been to almost a year earlier with a tiny newborn Riley. That first trip I did far less eating than sitting in the car breastfeeding. They had refused to make a reservation for a party of two on New Years Eve, but told me I was on the "wait list." Upon arriving I discovered that we weren't on any lists, but that there was informed "only one party ahead of us." The minutes passed and we watched what seemed like an endless parade of people come and go from the restaurant. Just when we began to wonder if we'd been forgotten we were seated.

I was told when Riley was about 2mo old to attempt to have a 5-10min discussion with Mike without talking about the kids. I think 15 months later we finally did it! Mind you most of the conversation found it's way to the kids, but in the form of lighthearted funny moments instead of the usual daily logistics. It was a nice dinner, worth the wait. Sitting the length of time it takes to get served at a restaurant is a challenge for my inflexible back and I was very worn out after we ate. It seemed too early to pick up the kids so we went home where I laid down and Mike checked his email, party animals all the way.

We went to get the kids around 9:45 and Riley was out cold in the pack and play as expected and Isaac was buzzing around in his super hero pajamas. They were surprised that we were back so soon, but I could tell they were ready for bed too.

We got the kids home to bed and Mike woke me up at midnight for a kiss. Happy New Year!!

Ho, Ho, Hoppin'

Isaac's awesome 2nd grade teacher did Christmas around the world everyday the last week of school. The 2nd graders pretended to visit each of these places on the "Polar Express." So on Friday to wrap up their week they were invited to wear their pajamas and watch the movie. Mike, Riley and I went to have lunch with him in the classroom. It was a fun surprise for him and Riley thinks Isaac's school is amazing.

Isaac isn't the only kid with a social calender around our house either. For the week of the hip surgery and continuing one day a week since Riley has been going to daycare. I got really lucky and my friend (and Riley's best friend's Mommy) started a daycare. Riley already considered their house her second home and the two other one year old there most of the week are her friends. The first day Riley spent there I got a beautiful photo college of her first day with pictures of her finger painting, having snack and playing. It was a major adjustment after having her with me all day everyday especially through my last recovery.

I'm sure people without kids will roll their eyes at this admission after all it was one full week and than one day a week without my baby, but I cried alot at first. I'm so glad that I had her all the time as long as I did, but healing is serious business. Now that's she's been going for awhile I see all the benefits not just for me, but for her too. She learns so much being around other kids her own age, her manners are much better, she doesn't have to have Mommy to go down for a nap and she's happy to get out of the house on her own.

After the lunch at Isaac's school Riley and I went to her daycare to help prepare for their holiday party the following Monday. We made baby hand print wreaths for all the babies to give their parents as Christmas gifts. We made reindeer using a foot print as the face and a hand for each antler and even did a picture ornament for each parent to take home. Besides my undying love of arts and crafts it was an amazing day because I had purpose again. I was volunteering like my old self. I felt like a mom again instead of some lump on the couch for the first time in months.

I was inspired to take on a holiday project of my own, a gingerbread house. I printed a pattern from the Internet and made the dough from mix, but I still failed. My first batch I followed the cake directions instead of cookies by accident and the consistency was wrong. So we ate the gingerbread cake and tried again. The second time the dough was fine we cut all the pieces from the pattern and baked them, but the frosting wasn't gluey enough. I didn't realize it mattered so much and just bought generic decorating icing, but you really need royal icing the eggy consistency makes it stickier. Attempt number three made it farther than the other two, but once we got two walls to stand the other two would fall. In the end I declared "I'm a bake not an architect" and ate all the candy I bought to decorate with.

I did all of my shopping online this year because I'm not up to shopping in general let alone during the holidays. Mostly on Amazon and Ebay. Online shopping may eliminate driving parking and fighting crowds, but lacks the instant gratification and comes with shipping anxiety. I ordered something the day after Thanksgiving (11/26) and it's shipping window closed the 13th, but it hadn't arrived by the 18th. I emailed them twice and still nothing. After I asked them to cancel my order and refund me it showed up the next day.

Wrapping was a real trick this year. Go ahead wrap something especially a big box without bending your spine. Tricky stuff. I would wrap a few things and be in too much pain to do much for a few days and then start again. But it all got done somehow.

Tell Santa we're ready.

A Visit With Mr. Claus

Riley and her best friend visiting Santa 12/8/10

Lots to do...having been discharged a few days before Thanksgiving and successfully hosting the feast it was a high speed down hill race through a calender full of events.

The starting line of which being the Jingle Bell Run and our annual visit to Santa.

We all had some nice hot chilli, which perfect for such a cold drizzly night, in the company of friends. We got the babies dressed in their holiday outfits including sparkly Santa hats. Gave everyone a set of jingle bells and headed that way, late. By the time we got there they were shutting the line to see Santa down, but being one of his personal friends I was confident he'd see us. Which of course he did.

Last year Riley, 3mo old, had gazed at Santa with such affection. Not this year. She wailed from the moment we got near him even before I put her on his lap. The babies seemed to have a agreed we'd have no smiling picture with Santa this year. It's understandably intimidating to meet the man himself. Santa was very understanding.

Once the girls were seated in the wagon with their bells and best of all candy canes all was right with the world again. Smiley little elves ringing in December.

On a much less important note we missed the race entirely and were bound for home and bed without even picking up our shirts this year, but priorities...We saw Santa!