Getting Through It

I never meant to stop posting for so long. Not to worry nothing to serious happened. I just felt...well like I didn't have anything to say. I did have some adventures and the kids were cute, but the general theme of January was: get through it and don't look back. The more I thought about it the more I realized how much of my life I spend getting through it. Big stuff like major surgery, moving and having both cars broken down at the same time as well as small stuff like registering my kids for school, planning and packing for a trip and going to the dentist. All off which occurred this month except major surgery (knock on wood) and moving (at least for us, someone close to me moved though).

I plot a determined and unyielding path from difficult but necessary objectives and I keep on truckin'. That is not at all to suggest I don't have fun along the way. I tend to enjoy myself more often than not. I just can't let those goals/problems hang over me like dark clouds or pile up like laundry. When I'm excited they happen quickly and I feel accomplished. Lately, I was in a rut. The world kept turning as I eternally shuffled things from the mountainous inbox to the completed projects file only to have them sneak back in to the inbox. The engine lights, deadlines, missing paperwork, broken things, early morning fits and endless logistics got heavy. Like baby elephant on my chest heavy not buried alive heavy. At least baby elephants are cute.

I was functioning, getting through it, but not so much enjoying myself. I needed something to look forward to on the other side of all my getting trough it. A silver lining, light at end of the tunnel, a reward. A birthday trip to Disney without the kids ought to do it. Now, I had some gratitude and excitement for fuel!

I still found myself...not as sunshine-y as usual. So, I started giving myself reasons to take care of myself. Doing little things for myself and speaking up. Now, your probably saying "Speaking up? When has THAT ever been your problem." I'm incredibly assertive, but if I want but don't need something I don't tell anyone. So, the other day after a long hot weekend morning shower I told Mike I really wanted a pre-birthday pedicure. Guess what? I got one. Even better I found Riley's new tap shoes ($5 at a consignment store) and then went a few doors down feeling accomplished and had my toes done. It was heaven sitting in the massage chair with my feet in the warm bubbly water.

Not only was Mike perfectly willing to fork over the cash for what we've dubbed "my yearly pedicure", but he asked why I don't do that more often. Now, I have a renewed vigor in everything I do from errand running to getting dressed in the morning. I feel more like myself. I'm so looking forward to an insanely fun and busy February!

However, I do think overachievers need to cool their jets now and then. Sometimes an illness or rut is a great chance to lower my expectations for myself, take a breath and reevaluate. Separating internal and external pressures can be confusing sometimes. I often feel the world will end if I do not find my stamps or get Roo to school 10min early. The truth is both of those thing happened and the world didn't end. It's ok to borrow and stamp for the important letter and be exactly on time or (GASP!) two minutes late. I'm still doing my best so even though the outcome changes I can be proud of myself.

ALL ABOARD!!!

I ADORE The Polar Express ever since my second grade teacher read it to my class I was head over heals. It's a beautiful story. When I was fresh out of college and living in New York I got to see the movie in 3D Imax, it was a huge deal back then. The snow, the train careening across the ice, it was all breath taking. I worked for Santa at Macy's 34th street that holiday season and they played The Polar Express soundtrack pretty often. I loved that music and it became forever tied to those wonderful weeks working for Santa, in my memory.

Needless to say, when my father-in-law acquired the Polar Express train and invited us over to play with it and watch the movie I was super excited. My kiddos grow up into between each visit to the rails.

2009

It was more for Isaac's benefit back then, but Riley liked the light and movement.

2010

By this year Riley was 18 months old and had the most adorable indignation about the train. She chased it and yelling and gesturing. I think this was the year Grandpa let Isaac drive the train too. So much growing up that year.

2011

We took a year off from the trains for a trip to Ice & Snow! My amazing father-in-law invited us to an amazing adventure with snow, ice sculptures and ice slides! We had a blast. Isn't Roo's tiny (s)no(w)man adorable?

2012

By 2012 it was my turn to grow up or at least that's how it felt. This was the year they brought the polar express to our house. I put out appetizers in my Christmas apron, Mike made the grown ups chicken bryan and the kids wore jammies. It felt so grown up to host my in-laws. This was the first year Riley remembered the previous train night. We enjoyed Polar Express in 3D, talk about warm fuzzy memories! Isaac was a much...more careful engineer too.

2013

This was the year Isaac got his own train! Here's the story of Isaac's train, it's a good one. It was the second year in a row Roo informed me which pajamas she was saving for train night because by now it was an important event in her life. The train was beautiful all set up around our tree. I love the idea of all the happy childhood memories a passed down toy has already been a part of before we start making our own. Can you tell I cry after all the Toy Story movies?

2014

This year we were back at Grandpa's for train night. He remarked how Isaac has matured and is a lot more trustworthy on the train controls. I think Riley will be ready to try her hand by next year. On the flip side Isaac was far to cool to observe the traditional Hot Chocolate song dance break. What can you do? They just keep growing.

This Year's Christmas Cards

At some point last year I was watching a Psych Christmas episode in which Shawn is in the office and the Grinch walks past the widow behind him. Pardon me while I Google that episode name for you..."Polarizing Express" from season five (you're welcome). I decided holiday photo bombs was the way to go for our next Christmas card. Mike agreed and soon we were seeking out cheesy family photos to imitate in our post card style pictures. Oh and did I mention Mike talked me into to doing FOUR of them? In the end it was really fun that everybody had something different, but next year we'll go back to a single card for sure.

Here they are! Top to bottom: Bumble (abominable snowman from Rudolph) putting the star on a tree, Heat Miser (Year Without a Santa Claus) riding on a geyser, The Grinch stealing Christmas and Santa peeing into the ocean.

Which one is your favorite?

All family photos by Mad Clix Photography

Happy Hanukkah!

Things we learned:

1. The first day of Hanukkah and the first night of Hanukkah are not the same thing. This year the first night was 12/16, but we celebrated the first day 12/17.
2. Proper dreidel spinning technique
3. That Mommy likes latkes, but Riley is not a fan
4. That there are several different verses in the dreidel song
5. One of the acceptable spellings of Hanukkah
6. The candle used to light the other candles is called the shamash
7. You light the candle at night then blow it out and relight it the next night
8. Hanukkah being way less commercialized than Christmas is part of what makes it fun!
9. The first female rabbi was ordained in East Berlin in 1935, but female rabbis have only been ordained since 1972 in the US

Chag Urim Sameach!

What Exactly is Your Persuasion on the Big Man?

I was absolutely correct about last year being my last chance for a picture of both kids with Santa. I was prepared so I didn't even flinch when Isaac opted out this year. I know the magic isn't completely gone for him, but it's not cool to take Santa photos when you're a twelve year old boy. He still fretted about being on the nice list when his yearly video message from Santa arrived. He was still up for almost all our Christmas traditions. The boy lives for Norad tracks Santa.

Last year Isaac started gently questioning Santa. I told him he was free to believe whatever he chooses, but I reminded him it sure is a lot more fun when you believe. I also told him that no matter what he believes he has no right to take it away from anyone else. That was all I needed to say, he never questioned me again. I've always told my kids that anyone who dresses as Santa is doing it to not to trick anyone, but to make children happy. Santa's busy and a lot of kind people give him a hand during the holidays.

The silver lining is that Santa pictures are now a girls' tradition. There'a nothing like quality time with my little girl. She wrote her own list this year. Santa read all four items with a huge grin on his face. She was a bit star struck, but they had a lovely visit. It's nice now that she can remember a few Christmases. I look forward to all the Christmas magic ahead of her.

Christmas Memories

It's funny how the best memories come at unexpected times. When I was living in Los Angeles, it eventually happened that I couldn't go home for Christmas. There were two consecutive years that ended up being my absolute BEST Christmas memories (pre-family of my own, of course). I remember work gift exchanges, coming home to piles of packages on the doorstep, bribing my room mate to help me put up my first real tree, driving around looking for a Christmas Eve service (and scoring big time), friends that were like family and driving to work through beautiful neighborhoods with amazing lights. I found so much magic in those years. I never felt sad or lonely like you'd expect to feel. I was grateful for my job and holiday pay. I loved the Christmas Eve shift because it was quiet and co-workers were laid back. Every gift I received from friends or in packages from family was extremely appreciated. Christmas was everywhere even in a big anonymous city.

I even remember a neighbor of mine who I would frequently see and exchange pleasantries with in the mornings, but never actually introduced myself to. He left a Christmas card for me under my wind shield wiper. If that isn't the Christmas spirit, I don't know what is. What a great way to learn someone's name.

The radio switching to Christmas music made my commutes more pleasant, the lights filled me with childish wonder. I recall it being the best time of year to get lost because of the Christmas lights. I had my first Christmas tree and my one and only tree decorating party. Those memories are treasures. I still own the ornaments people brought to the party and I can still tell you where each one came from. I was so blessed for those Christmases where I didn't take a single bite of food or kindness from someone for granted.

I think those Christmases were on my mind because we were hit so hard by all the illnesses this year that I lost the reigns. I just couldn't do all of the things I normally do for my family and friends at this time of year. I tried, but ended up feeling sad and discouraged. That's when I realized maybe this year was another one of those tricky blessings. It looked like a curse, but I was in a position to scale back and in doing less, spend my time in a calmer state. My less-wound-up state allowed for feeling completely overwhelmed with gratitude for things as simple as the day to day health of my family. So while two months of compromised health for one or more members of the family wasn't pleasant it was a perspective adjustment.

Happy Holidays, do less (trust me, it'll be better).

Mitzvots

Riley's school kicked off December with "Mitzot Week" aka Good Deed Week! I love this theme and Miss Roo ran with it, big time. She did genuinely try to go out of her way every day to be extra kind and helpful. In previous years her brother's school had the same theme and he'd come home hard pressed to tell me his good deed for the day so I was pleasantly surprised by Miss Roo's commitment.

I took Riley to a "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" story time event at the book store after school the first day of mitzvoh week. It couldn't have come at a better time. After the story they explained how December 1st was the beginning of the "Grow Your Heart" program. Kids do three good deeds and then mail in their card and the publisher donates a new book to a kid in need. The good deeds are things kids can easily do like play with someone at school who is by themselves, help mom make dinner, say something kind, etc. Amazing right? It didn't take Miss Roo long at all and she was so proud! Happy reading underprivileged girl in our community. Good Work Random House!

Every year I ask the kids to clean out their toys before Christmas. Up until now I have sorted Riley's by myself. I talked to my kids, like I always do, about giving the toys that haven't been played with to other kids who will be happy to have them. Color me surprised when Riley then volunteered to donate toys to a younger friend and younger class at her school. She's so sweet. She helped me collect all the pieces, wipe everything down and she even volunteered to take batteries out of other toys so we could replace the ones in the toys we were donating.

It is so important to remind kids to be grateful, generous and kind in our instant gratification world. It's always a struggle and even I forget that there's no kindness to small. It does my heart good to think of all the kids growing their heart three sizes by offering kindness to others in their own small way. I wish everyone a month full of random acts of kindness given and received.