Answering Opportunity's Knock

I've been really trying to "move on with my life." To actively get beyond who I was when I was single, what life was pre-Riley and what I wanted for my life pre-spinal fusion surgery. It's a lot to let go of. I am trying so hard not to get mired down in thoughts like "if you could have known me before." I was gaining a lot of momentum recently, too.

Here I was: all settled into the new house, feeling more human and making plans again. I was making real plans without the word someday in them. Best of all I felt like I had a purpose, even a career path again. There was a real honest to goodness professional writing offer on the table. I was abuzz with excitement.

I budgeted another day of daycare to give myself time to write. After all that would mean writing my two blogs and articles for the magazine. It's hard to write with the constant interruption of a toddler in your lap. On the other hand she is my muse and any more time apart might hurt my budding career (not to mention make me sad).

This progressed and I got more and more excited. It was an important first step in being taken seriously. The contract finally came last week. I read and re-read it until my head was spinning. I felt hesitant to sign my writing over to someone else forever, but what did I know? As an actor my performance was the product, it's totally different than a tangible piece of writing.

Mike said it sounded like I was "selling my soul." I began to panic. What if this person really did have malicious intent to publish works with my writing and collect the royalties themselves? I wouldn't have a leg to stand on. On the other hand maybe this is standard practice and it just sounds scary and awful to me because of inexperience.

I asked around to writers I knew and was advised to "keep as much of my rights as possible." Mike continued to encourage me to pass and wait for a better deal. I emailed the publisher asking if the terms could be altered slightly. I didn't come back to my email until last night.

There were two significant messages one from a writer friend and one from the publisher. I was so hoping the publisher's email would contain some professional reassurance that she'd take care of me and I had nothing to worry about. Instead I got this:
Those are standard terms which I do not negotiate with individual bloggers. I would like to point out that this condition was fully disclosed in my invitation email to you from May. It is very regretful that you did not take time to read it then. It would have saved both of us much time and effort. Oh, well. If that's how she handles things I probably didn't want to work with her any way. Right? I really don't know. It’s not uncommon for business types to have a hard time dealing with us creative types.

After I wrote a brief reply and wished her luck I opened the other email. My writer friend confirmed that the contract was completely standard. Well, now I felt completely overwhelmed by what has just occurred. I've killed my career before it started.

I calm myself and remember this was just the first of my writing opportunities. It'll be okay, won't it? After all he was always paid for his articles before someone else gained rights to his material forever and I was only being offered ad share. Maybe article writing for a different publication or better yet pursuing my book again is the way to go now. I feel like a once glorious ice cream cone melted on the sidewalk. Melted and stepped in.