The Age Difference

I had absolutely no control of the age difference between my children. I didn't give birth to the first one. I was in another state finishing the first semester of my junior year of college when he made his debut. When Mike and I started dating he had a chubby faced toddler and neither of us was really wanted to have babies.

After moving in I felt really saddened by Isaac's lack of a live in playmate. It just seemed wrong to open Christmas presents and play with them alone. It just wouldn't do. Thanks to my biological clock and some less than predictable timing I gave Isaac a sibling two months before his 7th birthday.

In the beginning it was ridiculously hard. I had a baby in the NICU and no energy to spare for anything or anyone else. After she came home I had a newborn breast feeding every two hours on top of housework. Getting Isaac to and from school always upset the apple cart. Trying to get through his homework while anchored to the couch with Riley on my chest got dramatic a few times. When I had my back surgery Riley started to crawl and that changed her relationship with her brother forever. Suddenly she was mobile and that made her fun.

They have an incredibly typical sibling relationship. They laugh and play and push each others buttons. What's hard now in these walking, talking days is when they parallel each other. For example more than once Riley has been hard core teething and Isaac's teeth have been falling out. Sometimes I swear they've circulated memos in advance and are ganging up on me by both having a problem in the exact same moment. Even worse, Isaac hit the late bed wetting stage just as Riley was beginning to potty train.

They have been good for each other in so many ways. They keep each other entertained. She gives him confidence because he can do things for her. She's teaching him to pick up his toys (no kidding). It's good for my poor socially awkward boy to have someone to interact with most of the time. Practice, practice, practice. He's teaching her to build things. She's getting very good with Legos. There are also daily lessons in sharing and how to respect the property of others on both sides.

Sometimes I wish they were closer in age so they could experience things together instead of a shade under a decade apart. Having such a big gap often reminds me how much of Isaac's life I missed. Almost five years without a mother in your life is a long time. I'm grateful for the understanding of those years that having Riley has given me. I'm also sad that my relationship with him, however loving and maternal will never be the same as my relationship with Riley. I'm also glad beyond words that I only had one pregnancy and I have two kids. It's a good deal.

In the end I think he'll always take care of her because he's so much older. She'll always look up to her big brother and they'll both remember having a sibling fondly. I know Mike and I do.