When Miss Roo was a tiny thing I felt like a horrible human being if she cried too long or got a rash. When she got older I had guilt if she got sick or hurt. Like I should have protected her. Now that she's nearly 3yrs old Mommy guilt is a whole other animal. Falling down? Getting hurt? These things happen. They're part of childhood. Unavoidable. She's not a baby anymore she's a little girl and that's ok.
I feel guilty when spending money on myself. I'm not talking shopping sprees or nights on the town or anything that extravagant. I mean I have very low spending threshold before I feel sick to my stomach. New clothes? Can't do it. New clothes for Riley? No problem. I don't know why. I used to yell at the TV when the frumpy moms on What Not to Wear cried and carried on about this very problem. Sorry ladies, I get it now.
Today, I had a green tea and a cinnamon roll with my mother, aunt and cousin-in-laws. Then I got drive through lunch with mom and popped into the salon for a quick cheap brow wax. When I was checking out I decided I had to have a bottle of Minnie Mouse inspired OPI nail polish. By the time I got home I was unraveling.
What was I thinking? I could have eaten at home. I already have nail polish and so on...Blah. Mike doesn't feel bad when he buys new clothes, tools, fish, etc. I thought maybe because I'm the more money conscious of the two of us. I'm not sure that's it though. It seems completely irrational. I went out for a little breakfast for the first time all summer it wasn't a five course gourmet meal either.
When I go into a store that sells clothes I look wistfully at them and think "I do need appropriate clothes in decent condition/a new (anything from beauty products, to food I particularly enjoy to craft supplies)/a dress for (the few events I feel compelled to dress for)" but I can never go through with it. Multiple times I've returned something I got for myself and got something for the kids instead. It doen't matter how deeply discounted the item or how much I need/want it. Sometimes I buy things for the kids/house and earn bonus $ at whatever store and plan to use it on myself, but I never do. It's silly, but I feel terrible about things like conditioner or razors for myself. I have guilt only about purchases for me (for the most part).
What is that? Maybe if I brought in a paycheck like Mike it'd be easier. Not that he ever makes me feel bad about that. He knows how hard I work. I'd still be resourceful and look for deals, but in the five years we've been together I've gotten the habit of denying myself. Maybe that's all it is, a habit? I've decided to test the theory.
Must comment on this. Your guilt is inappropriate and a waste of time and energy. Your kids do not deserve a martyr for a mother. You need to figure out how to get over this. D.
ReplyDeleteOkay, my two cents, if you want them: First, I agree completely with Diana. While it is commendable that you are concerned about finances, the guilt self-guilt approach is unproductive and is destructive. My suggestion is that, if you can't get comfortable in any other manner, then talk to Mike and agree on a general guideline that applies equally to the two of you for what your comfortable spending can be. Once you have done that and you are both good with it, then your path is clear and your concerns can go away... Bob
ReplyDeleteWe are on a loose "budget"..anything under $25.00 we can spend on ourselves without checking with the other. However if there is something over $25.00 we want say for the house or the family etc we both decide if it is a good idea or not. Elizabeth
ReplyDeleteP.S. OPI is the best !~! Elizabeth
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