Forgive the less than sharp writing in this one. It's difficult to articulate details of such a significant event, that coupled with the fact that sitting at the computer was not an option for so long. There have been way too many days like Tuesday. I hung in there on an empty stomach for hours. When Mike told me it was time to go I abandoned my knee jerk neurosis about being on time in favor of denial and fear. We were late to check in at the hospital and I did not care. If you know me you'll understand the significance.
I knew my last back surgery left me with baggage, but I had no idea how heavy all those bags were until now. I was disoriented by all the things that gave me comfort earlier. New hospital, new doctor, new surgery...I felt like I was surrounded by sound and people, but nothing made much sense. In my head I was screaming and trying to cope with where I was.
When I woke up reality seemed more...solid. Nothing like some intense pain to "ground" you. The pain was more intense than I was expecting, but the emotions that came with having post surgical back pain were almost worse. Obviously, I toughed it out and got back home. It's a long road of recovery ahead, but nowhere near as long as last time. Onward a few pounds of hardware lighter I go...
