Wasn't I just dreading a medical test, stressed about pumping, surgery up in the air and overwhelmed with pain? Oh that's right I was.
There are some major differences. I have survived this once before which is a double edged sword. Can I do it? Of course. Do I want to? I'd rather give birth again.
Also, thanks to some hard work from some amazing friends my house is clean. It's incredibly serene. I can put the baby down on any floor in the house. I'm not confined to the "clean rooms" even if I am going between my bed and the couch. I feel so relieved. It really means a lot to have that support because pain can be so alienating. I don't know if it's related or not, but I'm much calmer than last time. I haven't had the anxiety attack I was anticipating. I'm staying awake to pump in preparation for 72hrs of no breast feeding and pump and dump, but I'm not filed with dread just anger. I lived through this it shouldn't be happening again. Fairness doesn't enter the equation.
I know Riley and I can get through it because we have to, but we shouldn't have to.
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