Shame and the Impossible Job of Motherhood

I was reading a friend's blog recently in which she was admonishing herself for her unhealthy eating habits since her daughter's birth. I thought about it for awhile and then I got mad. Here was this beautiful, intelligent woman with more obstacles to getting through a normal day than the average mom can imagine, upset because she wasn't also eating healthy. The idea of it struck a nerve for me. We don't cut ourselves any slack. I'm a good person and a great mom, but I never feel "together".

I used to compare myself to Kate Gosselin all the time. I really and truly admire her organizational skills. I'd think, "Kate would have had time to write a beautiful thank you note", or "Kate would have packed a healthier lunch", or "Kate would have remembered the sippy cup", or "Kate would have made dinner and cleaned the kitchen". Well, at least in recent times Kate has a staff. I do not. Kate is an able bodied woman. I am not. Kate is willing to put the kitchen getting cleaned above all relationships (at least that's the way it seemed). I am not. Then again she has eight children. I do not. I remember an episode of the show from the early days where she remarks on still being in the clothes she slept in at dinner time. That was something I could relate to, but the polished career woman who's kids' lunch boxes always contain a balanced meal that she became is something else(at least at this stage in the game).

Even when I'm not comparing myself to someone who does have it "together", I feel ashamed. I want to get all the housework done, have the kids flawlessly dressed, have myself presentable and get all the extras done on top of day to day mom stuff. I want to be super mom. I'm at a disadvantage, but in my mind there are NO excuses. It's do or die. Why, though? Where was this idea planted in me?

What have I ever done, but my absolute best? Why should I be ashamed? Is this standard my generation seems to strive for an attainable one? When did the mass brain washing that made us all feel "not quite good enough" happen. Was it a campaign to get us to buy parenting books, kitchen equipment or plastic surgery?

Whatever planted the idea it has firm roots. I am already an overachiever by nature so this compulsion is pushing me to extremely unhealthy levels of activity and anxiety. I wonder what would happen if I really got it "together" and "did it all". Would that make the feeling more or less intense? Somehow, it's easy to conceive that better mothers than I have "died trying".