Isaac's Greatest Hits

Here in the style of Sh*t My 6-year Old Says and back by popular demand is another funny/weird stuff Isaac said post.

Yesterday, on the way to school I asked Isaac if he had any dreams that night. Historically, this always inspires an "interesting" answer. He thought for a moment and then said:
Not really.
That's too bad.
Well, I did, but they're not really...I can't tell you.
Oh, because you don't remember?
Um, yeah. Also, it's secret.
It's ok Buddy, it's hard to remember dreams when you wake up.
(Whispering)Especially when they're...secret.
I proceed to explain what dreams are to Mr. Know it all. He finds the idea of the conscious and unconscious mind interesting, but insists he already knew all that. There's a moment of silence at this point and something occurs to me.
You didn't dream about the scary car, did you? (He had a recurring dream when he was little that resurfaced after the move. We told him that we left the scary car at the old house and it didn't know where he lived now and he was safe.)
Well, it was a car.
Oh, Isaac-
NO!! It was different, Mom. It was a different car.
Like a fun car?
It was a British taxi! It's name was 'Ello Gov'nah! AND it had teeth.
So it was scary?!?
Not really.
I reflect on that for a minute.
Isaac is this something from a Dr. Who episode?
(highly offended, but laughing)NO!! It was a DREAM, remember?!?
If you can believe that was the most normal part of our conversation that trip.

When Isaac was 5yrs old I showed him Monster House around Halloween. He loved it. After his third or fourth viewing he reported this nightmare to me:
I had a bad dream.
What happened?
Well, it wasn't too bad, actually.
Oh?
The scary old man from Monster House was there, Mr. Nebercracker. I was scared of him and he was yelling.
Oh, no.
But then I said, "Follow the Rules!" (he points his finger at an imaginary scary guy and in a very authoritative voice commands this) and he stopped.
I can't possibly put into words how hard I hard I laughed at that. It's just about four years later and I still think that's funny. Later that night I relied the dream to Mike and said:
I guess that's like the kid version of F you.
Mike thought for a while and said, "Well, isn't that what adults are saying when they say F you? Aren't we just telling them forcefully to follow the rules?"
I think he's right about that one.

When Isaac was around six years old he had a prophetic dream that I was pregnant with a girl and on bed rest. It was uncanny, although at the time it sounded like nonsense. For all his foresight though sometimes things sneak up on him.

When he was six it was nearing Christmas time and he and I were watching as movie together when he asked me about the nice list. I'm pretty well versed since I worked for Santa (Macy's 34th Street, NYC, 2004) and I gave him the run down.

He had only been in kindergarten a few months and everyday his teacher would mark his agenda with a color denoting his behavior which I would have to sign and send back with any comments. After my recap of the basics of the naughty and nice list Isaac's face contorted with worry and after a long moment of silence he pleaded:
Mom. don't let Santa see my agenda, ok?
(I stifled a laugh) Oh, Isaac. He already knows, Buddy. He already knows.
He went white as a ghost and had perfect behavior until school let out for the break. On behalf of parents everywhere "Thank you, Santa."