Slumber Party!

Last night was Riley second slumber party ever. It was her first sleep over at Grandma's. We got there at dinner time. We watched Princess Diaries and had breakfast for dinner. It was fun. Riley even talked Grandma into a cookie before bed.

After her cookie Riley had a bath in Grandma's tub which was super duper exciting. Than she climbed into Grandma's biiiiiig princess bed to listen to a story and went to sleep. Such a good girl. After that Mom and I chatted in the living room until I ran out of steam. I slept pretty well on the couch.

Riley woke everyone at 7:45am which was sleeping in to me, but a little early for my Mom. Then we had cartoons and more breakfast foods! Everyone got ready and we waited for M, my cousin's daughter to come play. After the girls shape sorted, their favorite game and shared cookies Riley went down for nap and I went to my physical therapy evaluation.

It was less than a five minute drive. I had packed in a hurry and worn jeans, oops. So, I borrowed a pair of my Mom's sweatpants they were way too big I looked like MC Hammer! I managed, but the drawstring was pulled to it's limits. It took 30min to explain my complicated medical and orthopedic history. He listened slack jawed at the scope of things, repeating the things I said and then asked me to repeat them while he wrote them down.

After the novel of my history was composed I walked for him, he checked my range of motion and we were done. Unfortunately, spending the night with my Mom to save gas was moot because the only other appointment he had this week was tomorrow morning, groan.

I thought about spending the night again, but Riley has dance class Tuesday nights and she missed last week because she was sick. So, we loaded up and went home.

Ah, Productivity!

I thought I'd get up and get a shower. A rare thing on a weekday morning for me. I just did it. I told a still dozing Mike that Isaac was getting ready for school, Riley had her breakfast and I was getting in the shower. Afterward I got Riley and I dressed and herded the the kids into the car. I dropped the kids and rushed back so Mike could take my car to work. Showered (standing up without the shower stool!) before 9am on a Monday, can you imagine?. It's the little things.

With help I managed clean floors, kitchen and bathrooms. I finally caught up with all the laundry. Not only all the linens and clothes from the sick days, but all the regular laundry. I did every piece of laundry in the house. Not just washed, but folded and put away. Aaaahhhh! I finished the wedding invitations over the weekend and mailed them today. That was as big a relief as the laundry completion.

I got assorted other wedding related tasks finished including my vows, phew. I collected Isaac who (after a serious pep talk last night) had a great day, yay! The rest of the afternoon flew by. Then I packed Riley and I up for a slumber party at grandma's house. I have my first outpatient physical therapy appointment tomorrow and thought it would be fun to spend the night at my mom's and be closer to the appointment in the morning.

"Mommy, is it Valentines, yet?"

Riley insisted on putting up our Valentines decorations last weekend. I don't have a lot. I'v got some hearts with cartoon characters (Mickey and Snoopy), a few things the kids made in prior years and a sign for the door my mom gave us last year. It took us all of 3 minutes to have them up.

I don't know where she heard about Valentines Day, but she was insisting we needed to "Hang up da hearts! And wear a reeeeeeed tu-tu and (s)pin!!" She's absolutely my mini me sometimes. We also borrowed Clifford's First Valentines Day and we've been reading it a lot.

Spreading the love, that's my little Miss Roo.

Stressful Saturday

I should have known what kind of day it was going to be from the start. Riley woke me with urgency and fresh on the heels of her stomach virus I jumped out of bed worried to discover she was simply requesting a prompt breakfast. Then I selflessly kept the kids entertained and away from the bedroom so Mike could sleep. Mike got up just as I was putting Riley down for a nap at noon.

I didn't mind because I knew we didn't have any plans and I figured post nap it would be his turn. It turned out, being the good son he is, he had to go help his mom with car and computer trouble. So, after a whole week of a cranky toddler and way more exorcize than I bargained for I got a whole Saturday alone with the kids. I've gotten all, but one hamper of laundry done. That's an accomplishment since I had to dig my way into the laundry room with a fork lift.

On top of kids, messy house, laundry stress I've had a healthy amount of surprising news. Nothing Earth shattering just sad stuff, I'll get over it. I'm very tired and I seem to be leaving upset people in my wake lately. I love my friends and I try to be considerate and appreciative of them all the time, but I've failed more then once recently. I feel terrible about it.

I feel selfish and oblivious because I am obsessed with my wedding and my recovery in every spare moment of thought. You heard me of thought because there aren't any space moments for deeds right now. I am trying to inhale, exhale and mend fences. I am attempting to let the hurt I feel today roll of my back. If someone is immature enough to go out of their way to make a show how little they care for me than let them. I don't want to force people to do things. I want to take of myself and the people who love me and let the rest go.

A Sudden Shift

Today, I got up and showered and got dressed to leave the house. Hurray! I took Riley over to play with her friends. I had a nice visit with D. and then I ran over to the mall to pick something up. When I got home it was quiet. Messy and over run with laundry, but quiet. I made a start on cleaning and laundry. More importantly I ate an uninterrupted and unshared lunch and watched something that wasn't Dora the Explorer. Aaaahhh....

I started editing all the blogs that had piled up in my draft box while Riley was sick. What a whiny bunch of writing. Sorry, blog fans. The back to back mall walks have really sapped my energy. I really put some miles on those crutches. Unfortunately, today was also my last physical therapy home visit. He was supposed to come at noon, he called me at 4:30pm. Ugh. I did find somewhere to go for out patient therapy, but it's a hike. Mike is really worried about me driving that far three times a week.

It's been a little intense around here with Riley's illness and the wedding looming. I'm feeling almost manic lately. I'm either so excited and happy about life and the wedding or I'm down in the dumps. Maybe I need more sleep. Yeah, that goes on the list more sleep, more money and more hours in the day, please!

Bustin' Out!

Yesterday we actually opened the front door and sat on the stoop to get some fresh air. I think the novelty of not having to go anywhere has worn off for both of us! We have ants in our pants big time. Riley made it through a full two hour nap yesterday and best of all slept through the night last night without getting sick! Woo-hoo! Mike and I woke up disorientated like we used to when she was tiny.
"Did you get up with her last night?"
"No, did you?"
"No."
"But that means..."
"Yay!!!"

She everything she ate down yesterday. Now, if the other end of things behaves normally today she can be officially released from quarantine from other kids. She ate a good breakfast and was very happy this morning. My mom just got back into town from taking care of my Aunt post car accident (this was her car). So, grandma came to visit us with some treasures she found on her trip. Riley got new cupcake and princess pants among other things. She brought Isaac a peace sign made out of a circuit board, it was a big hit. She even brought Mike and I some things.

I decided to test the waters and run a post nap errand. Riley slept well and I got to see all the beautiful pictures from Mom's trip. When she woke up the three of headed over to the mall. I needed one thing and knew exactly where to get it. Unfortunately, Riley's patience was all used up on the walk from the car to the store. She did point into the case at jewelry store and say “oh! When I grow up I'm gonna have some of these. I'm gonna wear them on my finger.” Upon inspecting her finger and considering “they're gonna fall off.” I guess it's hard to imagine your hands bigger. After the cute commentary concluded and Mommy still wasn't done she got mad. I think she was hungry and grumpy, but what a pill! She dove away from grandma and right into the sign, Konk!

I'm sure they were happy to see us go! After a trip to the food court for a snack Riley claimed to "feel better." By then of course we were leaving. We came home for bit and then we took a walk to go get Isaac from school, lots of fresh air. I'm confident she can go play with her friends tomorrow without danger. Now, If I survive the insane amount of laundry the sickness left in it's wake we'll be getting back to normal around here. Phew!

PS: Happy Birthday, D!!!

Climbing the Walls

Riley hasn't slept through the night or a nap in days. She's either issuing forth something disgusting and crying or happy and playing. I have a tiny little bipolar person with stomach flu in my midst. I'm having so kind of sinus issue and I'm exhausted. The past two days I didn't ever want to separate from my baby. Today I wish she'd get better and leave me alone for five freaking seconds!

She seems to be on the mend by afternoon, but definitely not better. So much for exactly 48hrs, I guess no one gave the nasty little virus the memo. I'm really not a whiner, but this week was exceedingly difficult. I haven't been this tired or over bodily fluids since potty training!

I pray Riley's immune system will win once and for all today. Please, please let her digestive function return to normal. I want to sleep (how in the heck did I survive her infancy?). I miss outside...At this rate after the virus passes we'll stay home another week while I wade through all this laundry.

The Next Phase: Guilt

Phase one of being home with a sick little one is heartbreak. Actually, phase one is probably denial. She's not getting sick. She's fine. When you can't deny it any more your heart breaks. After you've felt sad until you ache, it starts. The guilt.

This is my fault. How could I let this happen to my baby? All of Mike's anti-social tendencies are right. I shouldn't let her be so social. I did this? Why don't I do more? I should have her home with me everyday all day. I should protect her from this ever happening again.

It's irrational, but motherhood is too. I just wish I could live up to my standards as a mother and a spouse. I'm not 100% recovered from this last surgery and I have a lot on my plate with the wedding around the corner. I thought I had an opportunity to be productive outside the house and it fell through. I used to think if I can't have something that's just mine I'll do this mother thing better than it's ever been done before. Now, I know a)I can't live up to my expectations b)It's not enough to live for other people all the time.

I guess I feel like I let both of us down today.

The Toddler Plague

Some days back Miss Boo had a house guest who got very ill during his stay. After he left Miss Boo got sick. I felt for her Mommy there are few things sadder on Earth than a sick toddler. The weekend passed and Riley was so well...so Riley that I thought we were in the clear. I should have known best friends share everything, especially two year old girls!

Last night around 10pm (she'd been sleeping for two hours)Riley came to get me. From that point on something vile issued forth from my sweet girl every two or so hours all night. This morning she seemed tired, but in good spirits. I washed all of her bedding so she was hanging out in my bed with me. She just laid with me and watched Tangled most of the morning. Then she had a warm bath.

She seemed to be doing ok so I gave her lunch. Then we laid down in my bed together for nap. She talked my ear off and watched Dora, but didn't fall asleep. Finally, I turned off the tv, asked her to close her eyes and sang to her until she was out. I fell asleep too. We slept soundly side by side for about 45min. Riley woke up screaming. I was in a haze and naptime wasn't over. I kept trying to hold her and reassure her, but she wanted down. I should have known. I should have taken her to the bathroom. I didn't and this time it came out both ends all over me.

Obviously it was all down hill from there...It's completely devastating to watch your child suffer when there is nothing you can do to help. When she was a baby and she threw up she'd have no idea what was happening and then she'd immediately forget. Now that she's older she knows exactly what's happening, but she doesn't remember it happening before in her life so it's terrifying. Not only doesn't she remember it when it's over she tells me the story all day long. This is going to be a long week.

What Riley Does During My Doctor's Appiontments

Step One: Charm the front desk and score a clipboard full of paper for drawing.

She's so cute and proud. "I'm workin' Mommy. I'm verrrrrrrrrrrrrrry busy!"

Step Two: Charm the nurses and score a lollipop and a Hello Kitty sticker seconds after leaving the waiting room.

Step Three: Get comfy and entertain yourself by drawing on the exam table paper, pointing to X-rays and exclaiming "mommy's bones!" and various other adorable yet asstute remarks.

Step Four: Sweetly bid everyone farewell to ensure you'll be in their good graces next time.

Repeat monthly until your Mommy heals for best results.

Some Saturday

Some not so terribly distant Saturday I will wake up long after dawn and I will lay in bed missing being woken up at 6am and offered a plate of plastic food. One such Saturday I won't wonder through the house and see both kids sitting silently side by side on the couch while cartoons flash shadows on the wall. One such Saturday Mike won't emerge and offer blueberry waffles to a chorus of excited screams.

Today though everything was as it should be. The afternoon passed in a blur of toys, playdough, story books, PBS cartoons and nap time. I'm not sure what I accomplished...I know wedding related emails and decisions were priority. I know Mike worked in the shed. I know Isaac built a second level on his Lego mothership. We never left the house.

I woke up with my head buzzing with errands and to do's, but the day proceeded alot stiller and calmer than that. I think some days you just get the balance right. Play with kids, be productive, take a moment and start again. We'll be back to our weekly routines soon.

Who knows what the kids will learn or how they will grow by next Saturday?

Physical Therapy Drama

The doctor wrote me a prescription on Tuesday. I called Wednesday to the place down the road where I intended to go for physical therapy. Guess what? They no longer have an out patient physical therapy department. Awesome. The next closest hospital didn't either and they thought the first place I called still did. These must have been recent department cuts. I am hopping and praying I don't have to go all the way to the other side of town (with minimal parking) three times a week.

The 3rd closest hospital still had an out patient PT department at least, but I couldn't get anyone on the phone. I know the place on the other side of town that I went to when we lived closer is booked solid for at least 3wks at the moment. Three weeks! I have a deadline, here folks! I'm hoping the smaller closer hospital has a sooner appointment.

My current PT warns against going anywhere that's not a hospital since their cap for insurance coverage is higher. I really hate the way insurance doles out rules and limits for everyone based on no medical knowledge at all. I have a life long neuro-muscular disorder, so how does billing my therapy as a certain number of visits "per incident" make sense? It doesn't.

I was so excited to be discharged from home care and now I'm going to be stuck in limbo or dragging myself across town three times a week. During my last round of therapy I remember parking the car and hiking the two blocks to the door and being worn out when I got there. At least I'm approved for one more week of home visits so I have a little bit of time to sort it out.

My last two surgeries I was under a more minimal insurance and nobody cared whether I got the amount of therapy my doctor prescribed or not. When the insurance ran out I was done. Six visits after the back surgery, six visits after the hip surgery. Instead of 3 times a week for 6-8wks per surgery like I was supposed to.

Grrrrr!

When Bad Things Happen to Good People

I got a lot of bad news this week. Everyone in my house is happy and healthy as can be expected. Friends and family however are suffering. I am grateful that I am removed enough to be objective. I can see the up side and count the blessings, but I am close enough to them to feel compassion. I wish I could protect my love ones from pain, but I know that that fast forward button I've longed for so often recently doesn't exist. I know everyone who's struggling through hard situations right now has a strong support network. I am happily a member of that network in all cases.

They are facing difficult medical situations, devastating accidents and significant changes in their lives. I am proud of the courage they have all shown. I am so glad they all have an optimistic view of the future dispute their current circumstances. You are all super heroes. I love you and I'll be here for whatever you need. Be strong! Just keep swimming.

Mother of Three Trial Run

Nothing went according to plan today. It's really been the week for that. Miss Roo was supposed to go play at her friend's house today, but her friend threw up in the wee hours. So, poor Riley was stuck with me. I volunteered to take the 6mo old off sick Momma's hands so she and the toddler could recover together. I was excited to be up to babysitting again, but not foolish enough to think I was up for three conscious children by myself. I picked up my mom for back-up.

Most of the day I had Riley and the baby. It wasn't until afternoon when school let out that I was juggling the needs of three beings. The baby slept every three hours which was great because I could give the big kids lots of attention during naps. Unfortunately, children can sense when you have your hands full (giving the baby a bottle, etc) and they converge on you with their "urgent" demands.

Generally, a two to one ratio is what I deal with during the day so with my mom and I we were at a similar disadvantage. Riley was exceptionally sweet about all the attention the baby was getting. I do think knowing she would leave at the end of the day helped. I know it helped Mommy cope with the stressful moments. You sure get used to a toddler's level of independence. I told Riley I loved her more than the baby because she could help. She was thrilled by that.

I'm glad we're an even numbered family unit because sometimes we're one adult per child which is so nice. It's easier to remember who's turn it is to do things too. Can you hear me rationalizing what I cannot change? There are no more babies whether it's a good idea or not. It was a fun day overall and I was thrilled to be able to help a friend the way so many helped me after the back surgery.

Optomistic Ortho Updates

I went back to see Dr. B today. Riley was super bummed that the big Christmas tree in the waiting room was gone, but the lady at the front desk gave her a clipboard to draw on. She was verrrrrrrry busy. She was working and working! It was adorable. She has forever dubbed Dr. B's nurse "nice lady" which she doesn't mind at all. Nice lady took her to get stickers and a lollipop as soon as we were in a room. Her sticker this time was a doctor stick man with clothes and accessories. That was super fun to stick to the paper on her clipboard. My mom made a comment about Riley growing up in doctor's offices "just like mommy" I really hope not.

I sincerely hope that she barely remembers all these surgeries and doctor visits. I hope this is a phase of life that passes soon for the sake of myself and my children. I need another 10yr (at least) break from all this crap. Fingers crossed, breath held, determined face on.

We got a new X-ray and Dr. B says the bone are solid again. Full weigh bearing is permissible now as much as tolerated. He wrote me a prescription for out patient physical therapy. Which was expected. Then he said "Well, was it worth it?". I told him I'd let him know when I got back to my former level of activity/mobility. It always hurts less when you do less, you know? In the recent past I declared a surgery a success before I was moving too much and I was incorrect. He agreed that it was a little soon to know for sure, but that he too was optimistic.

I don't have to go back until April! I'll have turned 30 and been legally married by then. Woah. Hopefully, I'll be able to definitely say it was worth it by then.

Who Am I?

Another post from the past: Originally published on my My Space blog Oct 27, 2006

Who am I? Who am I if I break free from everyone I care about? Who am I if I make a life from nothing? Who am I if I never follow? Who am I if I conquer my fears one at a time? Who am I if I never need help?

Now...

Who am I if I'm lonely for the people I've left behind? Who am I if I need the things I said I didn't want? Who am I if stability appeals to me? Who am I if I decide some things aren't worth giving up? Who am I if love brings me back? Who am I with roots?

Am I less me? Less free, less fearless, less passionate....

Isaac Academically

I may have missed the first years of Isaac's life, but I have been here every single day since he started school. We seemed to get incredible teachers every other year (so far). Kindergarten was amazing for Isaac. His teacher that year really understood him. He really blossomed that year. She even tried to send him to a first grade class for reading time, but he's not good with change and he wasn't mature enough to handle it. When that didn't work out she sought out higher level text books not just reading, but whatever he needed (math and science, etc)

I knew she was special, but I had no idea how much I'd miss her. He spent a summer doing nothing while I incubated Riley. When he went into to first grade he was excited, but within weeks he was completely discouraged. I'm not sure what kind of educator this woman was any other year, but this happened to be a difficult one for her. She was overwhelmed by a large number of below average performers. She didn't have the time or energy to deal with an academically advanced kid like Isaac and his high energy and volatile emotions didn't endear either. When I went for a parent teacher conference with a newborn in tow his teacher became teary eyed at our suggestions for engaging Isaac. They were reasonable suggestions and most of them volunteered extra participation from us. It was obvious to me, but when she started going to regular doctors appointments it was confirmed. She gave birth the over the summer.

I was terrified our bright boy was already burned out on academia at 7yrs old. We sent him to science camp were he had nary a one behavioral issue. Instead of looking forward to school starting he was understandably anxious (as was I). When we went to meet his teacher before the first day of school a steady stream of former students was flooding in with hugs and greetings. It was a good sign. She had a system for everything, her classroom was all bright colors and positive reinforcement. She was wonderful. It was sad when the year ended.

It was off to a different summer science program that summer. We'd moved a month before school ended and Isaac was equal parts thrilled and completely terrified at the prospect of starting a new school. Third grade, the beginning of the big leagues. I was thrilled that he'd have two teachers (science/math and language arts), but even more thrilled by the teachers themselves. They were interesting, engaging and very willing to hear from us. He's had a good year for the most part. He's had some early pre-adolescent angst, but he finished the first half of the year with straight As (Principal's List) and Perfect attendance!

As Much As You Can Handle

Post from the Past: Orginially published Jun 9, 2007 on my My Space blog.
Current mood:exhausted

Yesterday was one of those days that lasted weeks. It had some serious and ups and low moments respectively. To start off I didn't get alot of sleep, thanks-you know who you are.

I was "on-call" for jury service from Monday- Friday this week. Without fail I'd call the hotline as soon as the info was posted everyday and eveyday it said I didn't have to go in until Thursday night when a cheerful recording informed me I was to report at 7:30am. Woo-Freakin'-Hoo.

So I decided that a 6:30am drive into down town warranted, brace yourselves, my first serious solo trip on the highway! That's right kiddies two years in Los Angeles and I successfully avoided the highway all that time. But no more.

So, having successfully navigated the delightfully empty 101 and arriving outside the court house with plenty of time to kill I proceeded to pass the parking structure. Unfortunately, "I'll just go around the block" doesn't really work to well downtown. It's all one way you can't turn left until you leave LA county apparently.

To make the experience extra special the people downtown passionately love their horns. It doesn't matter if it's a red light with 30 people in the crosswalk and a down power line shooting sparks 20 feet in the air they will honk. Knowing I had to be within a block of where I needed to be but completely flustered and unable to get there I stopped for breakfast.

I ate and then asked everyone in the Burger King in turn how to get back to the intersection where the courthouse was and all of them looked and me as if I had two heads, shurgged and gave some indication that they didn't speak English. I was saved by the lady behind the counter who I suspect has dealt with more then one person lost on the way to jury duty.

I arrived minutes before 7:30 having spent nearly an hour on my little adventure. I made friends with the girl sitting next to me and waited around with the other 86 people praying not to get assigned to a 6 month murder case.

At 12:30 they released us for lunch at which point my new friend and I set out with the worst directions ever given (thanks court security guy) to some food court. We ended up at CPK where we bumped into unquestionably my favorite regular at Blockbuster.

After an amazing salad we sauntered back to the courthouse half an hour late. Just as we settled in some empty sits they released us for the day. I was so overcome with relief I rushed back to my car and peeled out of the parking without so much as a glance at the directions home, clearly a poor choice.

A good 15 minutes of pondering what a left turn would be like when some far off wonderful day I could make them again, I was back on my good friend the 101. I was headed home, but I missed the memo that rush hour was starting early . Bumper to bumper at 2:45 on a Friday, nice.

I made it home in one piece and excited that I survived a round trip on the 101, break out the baby book mom. I came home to find I was being offered not 1but 2 roles in the independent film I auditioned for! That's right I got 3 roles out of 2 auditions. Two words: 1)Super 2)Hero.

I also had an email from Alison wanting to hang out. The original plan was to get the girls together and go out for Mexican to celebrate my awesomeness. It ended being just the 2 of us on an impromtu trip to see her cousin in Riverside.

The trip there was smooth enough and we had a nice dinner, but something told me to pee before we left the restaurant...(insert omnivorous music here). We made our merry way back to the on ramp and were detoured in a ridiculous circle, just a preview of what was to come. We hopped on and went 55 for about 3min before we came to a screeching halt. Dead stand still, gridlock at midnight. I think the circular detour deposited us in the Twilight Zone. The slowest hour of my life ticked by almost audibly as my full bladder became painful and the lanes slowly dwindled down to one single lane. Your garden variety douche bags, who I suspect are serial killers for the most part, were making the merging process more difficult than it needed to be.

Finally, a little over an hour later the pointless detour lead us off and back onto the highway again. We exited to find a bathroom and marvel and the hour of our lives we'd never get back. The gas station was a no go and we wondered whether continuing with our present luck this would be the only Denny's in America not open after midnight. All was well, good old Denny's was there for our needs.

At this point we hopped back on the highway and headed for home. While there was other signs of construction there was none of the incredible congestion we'd experienced previously.

At about 2am I was dropped off at my door. Adventures....

Photo Friday

Miss Roo wearing Daddy's hat. Her cheese face is totally weird lately. I think the hat suits her though.

Chowing on an apple in her pretty pink hat and jacket. We were putting the car seat in Grandma's car while she waited on the other side of the backseat and she was so pleased to be sitting in a regular seat. She's getting so big, isn't she? Maybe she should be a hat model. They all look good on her.

Progress and Playing

Just a update on my progress: I drove by myself today! It was a successful solo mission. I have been using the crutches most of the day for 48hrs. I am tired, but doing well. I have an Ortho appointment on Tuesday where I expect everything to be peachy, the doctor to be super impressed with me and for him to switch me to outpatient physical therapy.

I've had physical therapy at home since right before Thanksgiving which is great because I don't have to go anywhere. As I've started healing and getting around more it's becoming a nuisance because I never know when he's coming until he's 10min away. When I have to drive to my PT appointments at least I'll know about them well in advance. Fingers crossed my X-rays look lovely.

Moving on, Riley on her new bike in the driveway this morning:

I never rode a regular bike. I had a pink Hot Wheels motorcycle when I was a little older than Riley and an adult tricycle when I was a teenager. I could never pedal all the way. I'd push the pedal down and then change the position of my foot and pull it back up instead. I asked my physical therapist if he thought I've ever be able to pedal a bike and he said yes. We'll see...I certainly won't be able to keep up with my kids. Riley pedals a little bit, but mostly she wants to sit on her bike and put things in the basket.

One final thought from Riley and I:

This is Riley's Repunzal dolly that Mommy and Daddy got her for Christmas. The other day she brought this dolly into my room and tucked her in under my covers.
Riley: Repunzal is going night, night.
Mommy: In Mommy's bed?
Riley: Yeah. Her Name's Repunzal (HER DAD'S LAST NAME) Mommy: Oh, really. (laughing)Actually, she'd be Repunzal Fitzherbert.
Unless you can take someone's fake name. Do celebrities get married and take each others fake names? I suppose she could be Repunzal Rider, ewwww. Then again she is a celebrity in her own right being a princess maybe she didn't take either of his names. One more thing on the doll subject, she never wears shoes in the movie. Why the heck does the doll come with shoes? This picture was taken hours after she came out of the box and already she's only wearing one shoe.

Testing, Testing 1,2,3...

So, I took some risks last night. Calculated ones, but none the less risks. I drove my car for the first time since the end of October. That's almost three months people. More then being physically unable I have been nursing a fragile mental state, which is always when I make stupid driving decisions. So, with my new super light crutches, Riley buckled securely into her car seat and my mom in the passenger seat for moral support I drove for about 5min. No problems. I put my updated tag on even though it didn't expire until next month, happy 30th please renew everything- hugs & kisses the DMV. I digress it went well.

After my little crutches & car test drive it was time to try a crutches & Riley. She has dance class Tuesday nights. I haven't gone with her to dance class for months. We rode over with her friend and I tried the crutches/backpack combination. More accurately we did the crutches puppy combo since Mike took backpack out of my car. I forbid the removal of backpack, but Riley can be pretty persuasive. So, we borrowed the adorable puppy instead.

Riley did most of the work getting into her car seat I only buckled. When we got there she was thrilled to put puppy on. She and I were sorely out of practice at this so I expected hiccups. In the past I looped the lead around my wrist and used one crutch so I could hold her hand in the parking lot. This time I obviously needed two crutches and to walk at a much slower pace. She was a little put out having to hold two fingers and walk slow. She even tripped over the crutch once or twice, but over all she did great.

I thought it would take lots of trips before we were functional, but she figured out quickly just how fast she could go. She's a good girl I'm really lucky. Go team! She did great at dance class too. It was so nice to be there with her. She earned a pink star sticker and a lollipop! Hopefully, if I use them more often I'll get quicker and more confident and be able to take her places by myself soon.

What's Best For Mommy vs What's Best Me

I should rest, but the kids need me. I should walk more around the house, but it's impossible to grab a speeding two year old when your hands are full of a walker. I want to re-organize my room, sleep, work on the wedding details, but instead I'm up early chasing the kids around until bedtime. I often get breakfast, morning snack and lunch for Riley before I ever eat a bite. The line gets blurred. I'm doing for others or doing nothing productive a lot.

I want to do my physical therapy and then take a nap. It never works because Riley sleeps during my therapy and then I feel bad and want to take her outside even though I'm exhausted. Under normal circumstances I'd tough it out a few days and then tag Mike in or call my mom, but it's not a couple of days at this point. I have a hip operation healing, a two year old who manages to be demanding and independent at completely inconvenient times, a 9 year old displaying all the attitude and angst of a teenager and a wedding in just over 2mo.

There are no breaks. I struggle with taking care of me on a normal day, but right now I am failing. I am doing what I have always done, I am pushing through. I just hope I don't do any damage in the process.

The Crutches Are Here!

I got them this evening. They are super light, Walk Easy brand, white with pink tribal designs crutches. What do you reckon guys? Pulling the stickers off for sure, but then what? They're white so I can paint them any color(s) I want. I want to consider the wedding in the short term and off and on usage long term in this.

Seriously, I'm completely open for suggestions here folks...

Riley Reads

Over the weekend I took some video of Riley reading me one of her favorite books The Little Old Lady Who Was Not Afraid of Anything. If you click it you can read the summary or flip through the "look inside" and see what we're talking about.

Of course, she was doing a phenomenal job reading each page and making all the sounds for the articles of clothing and then I got out the camera. She must have sensed it even with her back turned because she wasn't as good the second time. She loves to read us her favorite books now. The ones we've read her hundreds of times.

Yeah, early literacy skills.

Gravity vs The Disabled Bride

I know I've mentioned before how the logistics of my disability get lost in the fantasy of an event sometimes. I imagine the dress, the groom, the dancing, but not the horrible balance. I imagine tables full of guests, beautiful bridesmaids, but not needing my crutches or wheelchair. More accurately I imagined them off and on over the time I've been engaged. Now that we're just shy of two months away...Oy! Those considerations are on my mind.

I actually got an email from a blog fan (which I adore! I can't tell you how much it means to hear people read and appreciate the blogs) with her beautiful wedding pictures. She only used her wheelchair for the reception and said she only fell once. All the sudden it hit me, falling...Gosh Darn It. When I was in high school I did a lot of theatre and my mom always told me she'd spend shows anxious that I'd fall. I never fell on stage in high school, or college (maybe once or twice at an audition). Never-the-less, I'm suddenly anxious about a face plant in front of my guests.

I texted my bridesmaids and made them swear an oath that if I fell they wouldn't record it on their phones and upload it to YouTube. A million hits later I'm the "falling bride" for-ever! It would be beyond embarrassing. Suddenly, I worried that hiring a videographer was a bad plan. The girls promised, of course they're not the ones I really worry about. Then I decided if I go down they should all throw themselves to the ground to create a distraction! Perfect, solution: fake earthquake.

In all seriousness, I'm still getting used to my body since the surgery and I haven't a clue how likely a fall would be. I'm glad it occurred to me early so I could fret about it and get it out of my system now. I decided as always the biggest obstacle to staying on my feet will be fatigue. So, I'll get my new crutches Monday and practice with them a ton before the wedding. I'll have my wheelchair for back-up too. On the day of I plan not to be on my feet at all before the the ceremony. Thanks to the wheelchair, planning ahead and awesome bridesmaids I'm sure I can pull it off.

Here's hoping there's no nose dives, at least by the bride, on the wedding day. Any guests reading this feel free to throw yourselves on the ground in solidarity too.

***First Ever Cross Post! Read it here or Ready, Set, Happily Ever After: Ramblings of a Disabled Bride

New Crutches

Remember how I lost one of my crutches this summer? I Lost It! Well, I went went on using one crutch and holding Riley's hand, using the future to get around, etc for moths. When I had surgery I thought it'd be a good opportunity to ask the physical therapist to help me replace it. I wasn't in a rush though.

recently though I've become fed up with how limiting and cumbersome the damn walker is. Case in point, me on Christmas Day:

Unfortunately somewhere down the line someone abused their mobility device upgrades so now they have this iron clad rule about only replacing them every 5yrs. No exceptions, even when you loose one like a moron. Obviously, I can't do anything with one crutch in my current condition. I pressed my physical therapist to press the insurance, but we were getting no where.

After some dark thoughts about what would happen if I fell at the wedding and other disability related anxiety I was on a mission to find some crutches. A new pair is $139 if you pay out of pocket and you have to buy the pair. That would be fine normally but not post Christmas pre Wedding, no way. I started Googling and found some beautiful emerald green crutches which got my wheels turning. My current lone crutch is standard silver.

In the end Mike was the hero of the day. He found a pair on Craigslist that a nice lady who is about 5'2" old used for a brief period of time and was selling for $25. To me! They're white with pink tribal designs, but the designs peel off (stickers) and we can paint anything over the white.

I'm a little torn between going discreet (black, etc) or decorative and pretty (sparkly even?!?) We'll see. Mike's gonna pick them up Monday on his way home. I can't wait to try them out.

Nerding Out: Lessons From SG1, Doctor Who and The Gang

What can I say? I am a nerd. A big one. Normally I'm more of a theatre/movie & TV kind of nerd, but I dabble all over. I wanted to do a post about what we learn from SciFi Tv shows and here it is:

• You are NEVER really dead, hello Daniel Jackson (SG1)! What was it like 13 times? I think at least one member of all the good SciFi shows has been resurrected a time or two.
• Anyone can fall in love with anyone/anything: Samantha Carter (SG1), Ct Jack (Doctor Who/Torchwood), Cpt Kirk (If you need me too tell you then turn in your nerd id card right now), etc...
• Upgrades never are/come at a price: The Borg/Cybermen/Cylons...
• If you don't know what is DON'T touch it. I could do an entire post on this one. Humans are so arrogant messing around with technology we don't understand all over the darn universe and mucking things up.
• Reading people's minds sucks. It's not a gift it's a curse and it falls into the wrong hands a lot.
• Be nice to the neighbors. Every respectable show has an homage to The Day The Earth Stood Still
• You never profit from alien technology for long. It's kind of an extention of if you don't know what is don't touch it. You always pay in human life when you exploit the things you don't understand.
• People suck, or more aptly humanity on the whole is greedy and cruel, but there are small factions standing up for what's right in every crisis.
• Memory lies. Let's face it having your memory wiped or manipulated in some way is standard practice on SciFi Tv.
• The trip is never as short as you think it's going to be, (ahem Voyager)
• NEVER open the rift in space time. Like hotels forgotten by the interstate and parking garages in the movies nothing happy comes from there. Just leave it alone.
• All of history can be explained by alien intervention. From the great pyramids to the extinction of dinosaurs, aliens played a part.
• Not quite yourself today? Go see the doctor now! You could be mutating, carrying alien larva, suffering from a horribly contagious pathogen of alien origin, undead, etc

Happy Blog-A-Versary!

Yesterday was the two year anniversary of the Hedgehog Blog! Unbelievable how much has happened in two years. To celebrate I thought maybe I'd list the blog's greatest hits (according to number of views):

1. Unwanted Children, Undeserving Parents: 336 views since 2/19/2011
2. Riley's Mommy Walks Funny: 292 views since 4/21/2011
3. Cottonball Christmas Countdown: 222 views since 12/2/2011
4. Conversing With Cute: 160 views since 11/20/2011
5. We Don't Live in Parking Lots: 105 views since 4/26/2011

So, there you have my top five in the last 2yrs of posts. A little social commentary, some silly kid stuff, disabled mom perspective and crafts. It seems like a pretty good snap shot of what I get up to blog side to me. Full disclosure though, there were two with more views than number 5, but one was a contest entry and the other was pictures of Riley's new room so I skipped them.

This blog has given me a place to write, an excuse for time to myself and connected we with lots of other wonderful people who I am so lucky to have read my little old blog. Thank you, thank you. If you keep reading it, I keep writing. Here's to another two years!

Mother Goose Story Time

I think Riley and I started going to sing and dance and hear stories at the library when she was about 7mo old. We really enjoyed it. She obviously didn't participate much, but she enjoyed it and it got us out of the house. We've gone on and off since then. We hadn't been for months when I decided to brave the cold and take her today.

I took the walker to give my mom a break from loading and unloading the wheelchair. The walker is slow. So slow that we were on time when we parked, but by the time I got from the car to the reading room we'd missed the beginning. It was a good size group despite the cold. Riley was very skittish at first.

By the time laminated kitties were being handed out Riley was with the program. She presented her purple kitty on cue and put the bean bag on all the correct body parts during the beanbag song. She's so big now.

I had taken someone's seat when I walked in, well they gave it to me (thank goodness). I'm terrible at getting on and off the floor right now. I remember thinking this was a good group all around grownups and kids. I let Riley check out a cute little lift the flap book. At which point I spent 5 awkward minutes figuring out how to lift Riley to reach the water fountain while pushing the button. At which point we pottied in the "companion stall" and suited up to hit the playground.

A lot of the kiddos from story time where there probably for a while (walker=slow)when we arrived. All the kids were all bundled up and playing happily when we arrived. All the moms with their pretty sweaters that made me feel frumpy in my big red coat were standing in a circle chatting. We entered the gate and not 60 seconds later every one of them had evacuated. Did I imagine their hurry? Maybe it was the cold and my timing. I hate that it bothered me, but it did.

I want to be a pretty sweater mom chatting with my friends on the playground not a frumpy coat girl with a walker watching my mom (bless her) climb around with Riley. I hate this part. This almost, but not quite back to normal part. It's complete crap. I'm so happy we went today and for all the help I get, but I really want to wake up decide to take my kid somewhere and go.

I want to be one of the pretty, together moms. I'm tired of this crap. I don't want to observe my children I want to engage. Wah, wah, wah...Enough of that. Riley got on the swings at 2yrs and just shy of 4mos old and pumped her legs and made it go! I was so proud of her. It took Isaac until 6yr old to figure it out, but we didn't have swings in the back yard (or a backyard at all then).

Sick, but Sweet

I was the former, but the day was surprisingly the later. It happened yesterday, Mike started feeling lousy. I was thinking maybe I'd escape this round in the afternoon, but when we went to visit Mike's mom that evening she commented that I sounded a little congested and I knew I was in for it. Riley went to play at Boo's house this morning, thank goodness. I needed a break. Isaac spent his last day of break plugging away at his project.

It's hard when Mike and I are both sick because there's no one to take care of me. It always makes me stiff and tight which is super annoying considering the stage of heal my hip is in. Also, with Isaac's deadline approaching and cleaning help on the way I was afraid to sleep. Once afternoon rolled around and the house was quiet I dozed a bit. My mom dropped by with the last of the presents (warm jammies!) and then Mike and I snuggled, sniffling and watched Torchwood for a while.

It was nice to lay around. I realized how busy my days are normally when I lay around for a day or two. I'm so tired, but I think on the mend.

Howdy, 2012

Happy New Year From My Rockstars.

How do I begin? 2011 is over which isn't terribly emotional for me. 2012 however is. This is it, the year of my wedding. The year Isaac will turn 10! We will have been in the new house a year in April. Mike will have been at his job 2yrs this summer. Riley will have her first dance recital in June. Woah.

I have high hopes for complete recovery (and functionality)from this hip surgery in the very near future. I have some new opportunities on the horizon and I'm very excited. It just seems like all the struggle is starting to pay off. I don't want to whine and cry about how hard life has been, this isn't the year for that.

I'm optimistic and ready for the next chapter. I did my best to have a relaxed first day of the year, hoping the old "what you do one the first day of the year is what you'll do all year." I am very pleased to report that I slept until 10am! Well, I got up to help with pottying and breakfast and then got to lay down for most of the morning. I watched a movie and cuddled with poor sick Mike, which we didn't do nearly enough of last year. I had quite a few laughs with the kids, too.

I didn't even have to worry about dinner. We had a tradition of going to Mike's mom's for Hoppin' John (beans and rice) which is supposed to be good luck. It was a nice day with on exception Isaac (for the 3rd time in a row) just skipped a class project because he didn't feel like it. It's became a constant source of stress. He turned the other two in late for partial credit. This time it was assigned over Thanksgiving break and is due when he gets back and he didn't bring it up until after Christmas!

We've made it clear that he will complete ALL assignments whether it's too late to get credit or not. We've also been clear that we're not doing his work for him just because he waited until the last minute. Other people's procrastination is so stressful, but it's ten times as much when you're responsible for that person.

I resolve to be kinder to myself than I was last year. I also resolve to balance my time away from and with kids better. To remember my thank yous more than I forget them and to stop apologizing every time I get my way.