The Fear Factor

I'm not a wuss. I've got a pretty high pain tolerance. Please understand that if I admit that pain is so severe it's causing me fear I'm in bad shape. There aren't a lot of things I fear, but I'm afraid. For the past five days or so I've been having intense back pain between my shoulder blades. Yup, where they just surgically removed some metal. All I could think when the pain increased to a point where it was difficult to move today was "Oh God, not an infection." Post operative infections are indescribably painful. I had always hoped the one I suffered after abdominal surgery would be my first and last.

I pray I'm wrong. I hope I've just injured it some way. Either way the problem now is what to do now. The Emergency Room? Pass. Going back to Old Ortho? Oh. No. I've wracked my brain for an alternative, but there doesn't seem to be one. This CAN NOT HAPPEN. I don't deserve pain like this from a surgery so minor I wasn't even admitted! I shouldn't have to go back to Old Ortho ever again. God help me, I'm in tears writing this.

What if I have to be admitted for IV antibiotics? I have plans this week we're going out of town soon I need to keep them. What if he doesn't take me seriously? What if he tries to give me pain meds? I shredded the prescription they discharged me with. I've been hitting the Advil hard this past week. I want to know whats wrong not to be a doped up zombie, the level of functioning would be the same.

It had to be a holiday weekend so I can't do anything until Tuesday. This post is whiny and horrible and I apologize, but I'm not capable of complex thought. Sunshine tomorrow I promise.