Surgery, Smergery

This is not my x-ray. I just wanted to show you the little bars that go across. Those are the perpetrators. They're coming out.

Okay, being an adult blows. A lot. I want to tell you this time it's "no big deal" just a day surgery. No hospital stay required. No two year healing period. These things are all true and it is the right thing to do. Stupid right thing. Apparently, if the metal continues to protrude into the soft tissue besides hurting me it will cause scar tissue to form and adhere to the foreign bodies and cause more trouble than it's already causing. So, awesome.

There is no metaphor for this. There is no moment in a normal lifetime that feels like this one. I can only liken it to things I haven't experience, torture. If you were whipped to varying degrees 21 times you'd flinch even if someone only raised their hand to strike you. My 21st surgery, geez. I don't need anymore of this crap. I don't want my body invaded again. I'm glad there was an opening this week. I want this behind me. I'd like to skip over the moment it happens and start in the moment after. I wonder what the Buddhists would say about that plan...

If I concentrate I can imagine the offending metal pieces in a baggie, the pain in the spot finally gone and more movements gaining fluidity. I hate the anesthesia part. It's such a nasty thing. I've been told traces of it stay in your tissues for years. I've also heard that they think there's a link between frequent anesthesia and dementia, God I hope not.

Forgive my foray into melodrama, but enough is enough. Now I've got to get through this so I can be home with kids and my puppy. One foot in front of the other. I'll be fine, really. Just don't expect me to have it all together tonight. Tonight I get to stamp my feet, cry and generally be moody once the kids are in bed. Tomorrow, I'll nail down rides, babysitting, etc and then distract myself to the best of my ability. Wednesday, consent forms and lab work. Thursday surgery.

Like A Fish to Water

We brought Riley some awesome Nemo floaties from our honeymoon. She'd only used them once in a full bathtub until yesterday. I'm not a big beach fan (bad balance + sand and waves= trouble) so my kids don't go very often. Yesterday, we met Mike's aunts at thier hotel so we could go swimming. Pools with a view of the beach are totally the way to go. It was a beautiful day. We stopped on the way for a new bottle of spray on sunscreen, love that stuff.

She took to the water like a fish. In hindsight, I should have gotten myself ready and then her, but Aunt Lara was already in the pool so she didn't have to wait for Mommy. The pool was even heated which was awesome. I found the fun noodle to be a great way to stay a float as well as correl my swimming todler. She swam the length of the pool at least twice. It was a lot of fun.

When it was time to go it was very difficult to get my little fish out of the pool. Later that day when she woke from nap she was still saying "I wanna swim for 2 more minutes, Mommy." My little fish objected to a swim break until she was pruney and exhausted. That's when after, getting her into dry clothes, she had a little break down. It was only at this time Mommy realized it was an hour past nap time. Oops. She did not as I had hoped sleep on the drive home. We had grapes before we left, but we got milkshakes in the drive thru too. I think besides being worn out were a little hungry.

We went home and we both had a much needed nap. She really enjoyed her swim time and I did too. Nothing like a warm pool. We'll have to do some more swimming over the summer.

Puppy Picking

This week we realized had been in our house a year, had a fenced backyard and our youngest was potty trained. All the things we were waiting for had happened. Then Mike was leaning over my computer showing me some beautiful Golden Retriever puppies. I hesitated because for so long there were reasons it didn't make sense, but there weren't any now. The only thing that worried me was our up coming weekend in Boston. So before I entertained the possibility, I called the person who takes such good care of Riley and loves dogs more than anyone I know. I guess the long wait to get to this point made me paranoid because I expected to be judged and called crazy. Instead my friend was thrilled for me and happy to puppy sit in a month.

Then I hit the phones. The first litter Mike found was very close to home, but they were already 8 weeks and ready to go to their new homes. I missed the last puppy, by 15minutes. I got despondent. What if God doesn't want us to have a dog? But I want one so bad and we're ready now. Than I made two more calls and left voice mails expressing interest in puppies and waited.

We talked over the last year about rescuing a dog and getting an older dog, etc. In the long run we decided starting from the beginning was the best thing for our family. We both wanted to feel secure about the dog's temperament. We needed a smart, friendly dog that can handle Mom's mobility issues, a toddler and a nine year old boy.

When my phone rang, I just about cried from excitement. A wonderful lady had Golden Retriever puppies left. She had boys and girls. They were a day away from 7weeks and an hour and a half away. We decided to go meet them that evening. The kids were beside themselves with excitement.

We had three little ones to choose between and only one was a boy. I was sure I wanted a boy too. I had told the breeder and Mike as much. I had boy dogs growing up. He was wonderful too. First born of the litter and already a looker.

He was an assertive little sweatie pie and I was a little biased so I spent a lot of time with him at first. Total lovebug. Then I made a point to visit his sister and suddenly my heart was aching at having to choose between them. She was a little more passive, but no shrinking violet by any means. She was very sweet. Wouldn't you know it, she is our new baby. She comes home next Saturday.

We're complete. I'm so happy. I can't wait to have her home.

F-ing Following -up

I went back to my Old (insert your own colorful language here) Ortho today. He actually came to visit me in the hospital after my new Ortho did my hip surgery in November. He told me to make a follow up appointment. Sure thing, buddy I'll just call from my hospital bed to rush an appointment at your stupid office for a year and change old surgery. Uh-huh. I got discharged, there was the holidays and healing to get done. Then my dad had the misfortune of hurting himself and getting Old Ortho as his trauma surgeon. Jeepers. Any way every time my dad went in Old Ortho would ask why I hadn't made an appointment yet.

Well, I was busy getting ready for my wedding and told my dad to tell Old Ortho to lay off. Once the wedding was over I was out of good excuses. I kept hearing his comment when I fell shortly after the surgery echo in my head: "Katie, I put those rods in 300lb men who do more damage walking around then you could ever do falling." So, why when I'm just short of the 2yr window I was told healing would take place in do I have to drag myself into to this den of misery? If you think I'm being over dramatic go read about it, there are posts upon posts.

I called to schedule thinking I could get in the same day as my dad and found out Old Ortho was out of town for 3 weeks. Of course. Today was the day. I had trouble sleeping I was so anxious. My appointment was at 10am. I arrived at five minutes to 10. I waited until well passed 10:30 to be called back (nothing new there). Then the PA asked why I had requested the appointment. I sighed heavily and told her the Ortho requested I come to x-ray my back. She seemed confused. Then revealed that the order in front of her said "left hip x-ray." Nice. Even though Ortho made the request for a back x-ray and I relayed that when making the appointment it got screwed up. I'm lucky I only have one back, no telling what kind of confusion could occurred.

She crumpled the order right in front of me and wrote a new one. The only problem was my chart was very think and she didn't know how much of my spine was fused. I watched her struggled for a few moments and then in my annoyed teenage girl voice offered "It's T3 to Sacrum". She thanked me and set me over to X-ray. Where the tech was also confused (surprise) and it took two sets of films to finally get what he needed. Old Ortho never made an appearance, jerk. PA came into the room put her fingers on "the sore spot" and said "does this hurt". Apparently, you can see the metal "protruding into my soft tissues" right there on the x-ray. No kidding, guys. The lump that's clearly visible when you walk behind me is another clue. It's hurt there for almost two years.

Then there was an actual piece of news. They can do something about this. A small incision over the area, remove the two (now unnecessary) cross beams, they connect the rods on either side of my spine, like the middle of an uppercase H. I'd be home again in a few hours with a few stitches. Just a day surgery. There is no "just" at this stage. I refused to schedule before I could discuss it with Mike and process. We'd made a big commitment this week and I am so sick and tired of surgery. Plus, I'm afraid that what my dad told me about a link between frequent exposure to anesthesia and dementia is true. Mostly though because it f-ing sucks.

I came home discussed it with Mike. “We can handle this, it's clearly the right thing to do”, etc... Then when Riley fell asleep for nap so did I. When I got up I tried to schedule it for ASAP, but the scheduling person left early today. Of course.

A Sudden Detour

Not a creepy-makes-you-late-driving-through-scary-parts-of-town detour because of pointless construction, but an unexpected short cut that takes you through beautiful scenery that you'll remember all your life.

I guess that quote from Under the Tuscan Sun comes to mind first: "Terrible ideas, don't you just LOVE those?" Sometimes, decisions are weighed and considered for long periods of time. Pros and cons discussed. Opinions shared. Preparations made. Doubts dispelled. Even then there is always a point were you have to go all in or turn back.

For us, Mike and I, it usually starts with a suggestion. "Honey, we should move", etc. Then there are a series of discussions. At which point we begin research. That is the phase Mike is most comfortable in, but luckily for him I like forward motion. After the research we find some options and get ready to take the plunge.

It's probably pretty typical of decision making as a couple. Not thrilling by any means. I'm fairly rational and level headed, but I listen to my gut. There's been a lot of good decisions made this way.

And then...there's what happened yesterday. Not a seed gradually blossoming, but a spark rapidly fanned into fire. Not an uncontrollable inferno just getting to the finish line rapidly. Leaving a warm glow. Circumstances inspired us, research excited us and off we went. It wasn't necessarily a whim...We had been considering it, in off moments, here and there. We were waiting for the stars to align. Yesterday, we decided to align them. It was so exciting.

Yay, forward motion.

Whooo Made These Pretty Pillows

Unlike my other felt projects (Hedgehog Finger Puppets, Moose & Zee Pillows and Heart Pillows this one was a kit. I bought it for Riley for Christmas because they matched her room. I intended for her and I to make them together, but she's still too young for sewing projects. The kit comes with pre-cut felt pieces with holes to guide your stitches, embroidery floss, cotton stuffing, needle, needle threader and sequins.

I did the baby owl pillow first. The crappy needle threader immediately broke into two pieces which wouldn't have been a problem except their crappy thread frays like crazy. Also, I know this kits is marketed toward the 7-10yr set, but I found some of the directions a bit unclear. It is also quite possible an impatient toddler was distracting me.

The baby owl took me two hours with their crappy thread. He came out alright. I think the bright orange thread around his eye makes them look blood shot. Riley loves him. I decided when I did the Mommy owl I'd use my own thread.

As I suspected it was much smoother sailing with my own thread. No needle threader required. I felt a little more practiced by the time I put the Mommy together so it went quickly. Although, I still misaligned the holes a bit on the last step and used the wrong stitch around the edge. I think she came out great though. If I'd have thought about it I would have traced the pieces to make a pattern so I could make some in other colors/fabrics later.

Back to the Kitchen

If I'm being honest, even though I prefer to be in charge of the grocery shopping I've never cooked seven days in a row in our entire relationship. I don't mind cooking at all and I'm not bad at it. It took me a long time to mesh my super plain and somewhat immature tastes with Mike's more complicated preferences. Mostly though I've taken huge chucks of time off from kitchen duty recovering from surgery. In the old house's kitchen had the sink and stove side by side. There was a dining room table taking up most of the room and the dishwasher was on the opposite side of the table from everything else.

I used to hate that kitchen, but the set-up actually worked for me. I'd fill pots with water and slide them on the counter over to the stove burner. I'd sit at the dining room table to prep food, etc. It was certainly not wheelchair friendly and if it got messy (which it often did) I couldn't even walk into it. In the new house our kitchen is still on the small side, but I can wheel in if I need to. We've been in our new house a year, but these pictures are all from when we moved in. Our dining room table is in an actual dining room now. The best part is that we easily doubled our counter space. It's a nice little kitchen even without a dishwasher.

My latest hiatus from kitchen duties was a combination of healing from the hip surgery, exhaustion from all the running around related to the wedding and physical therapy. Before the wedding I started getting to the grocery store again and occasionally actually cooking meals (as opposed to the leftover reheating and frozen pizzas I'd been doing). In the last few weeks I've been getting more serious. I was keeping the kitchen clean and organized, going to the store and cooking here and there.

Honestly, it's been hit or miss. The issues came when I really started cooking again. We've been in the house a year, but I can't remember how I did things before. It's just a little disorienting taking the newest incarnation of my body/mobility for a spin in the kitchen. I made a chicken recipe from a cookbook for the first time and had no problems related to getting around the kitchen. Then later I did spaghetti with meat sauce. Sounds simple enough, right? I broke out my new pans and got started. The first indication I was going to have a hard time came once I filled the pot with water to boil and then needed to turn around and place it on the stove. One crutch? Pushing off the counter? Hmmm...I pushed off the counter and then spun as much as my fused spin would allow. I got it onto the burner, but once it was time to drain the noodles I was annoyed. Now the pan was heavy and full of scalding water. There was no way to slide it along the counter from the stove and my feet (courtesy of my hips) are unreliable. I moved it to a cool burner and decided to wait for help (grumble, grumble).

I browned the meat in my great big new skillet. Once it was done I was again staring at a heavy hot pan and the sink/strainer in the sink behind me. At this point I turned of the burner and tried to reason this out. At this point the kids added a healthy element of distraction and before I realized what I was doing I'd returned to the kitchen and added the sauce to the un-drained meat. I was so irritated with myself. Mike drained the noodles shortly after. I tried to cook the grease off, but dinner was not spectacular.

It turns out it's a good day/bad day thing. The next dinner I made my cheeseburger pie the following week. I browned and drained the meat this time just fine. I just stepped toward the sink got my balance and then lifted the skillet swinging my body toward the sink. This time I got everything prepped and ready and in the oven without help. Then I went to lay down and wait for the timer to go off. In the end Mike took it out of then oven and served everything, but this time the meal was a big hit. I want to make dinner every night like a super mom, but even without recovering from hip surgery I'm tired by evening and it's hard to push trough making a good meal.

Family Movie Night

I have a handful of half written posts sitting in my draft box, but I wanted to post about last night before I forget. Mike just talked me into upgrading the Netflix to 3 DVDs at time on top of our streaming. I got Zathura because I knew we'd all enjoy it. It was a rainy night. We all settled in to watch.

I was right about the appeal everyone was enthralled once the action started. This a feat when your kids are 7years apart and opposite genders. If you've never seen it's a movie about a board game that transports some kids to outer space. It's basically Jumanji in space directed by one of my favorites Mr. Jon Favreau. It's a fun one. If you plan on seeing it stop reading now.

During the climax of the action bad aliens "board" the house. They look a bit like dinosaurs with long tongues. Riley marched right up to the TV and made a scooping motion on the screen.

Look Mommy. Look Daddy. I scooped up those bad aliens! Good job, Riley. Thanks. I'm gonna get these out of here. She walks over to the recently installed cat door/air lock and makes a tttttchchchchsss sound effect and releases them.
Laughter from Mom and Dad
I got rid of them! Thanks Riley

She repeated the process several times encouraged by all the laughter. The universe is safe. She's such a silly girl. Later that night we were putting on her pajamas when her arm got stuck. She laughed and said "I'm like Capt Hook!" What a clever girl. I just love her.

Struggling With Contentment

Yes, I said with not for. I had a list in my 20's that changed (or been filed away)when I moved in with Mike. Then once Mike and I had been through some up's and downs I made another list: 1)Bigger House with Backyard 2)Marriage 3)Baby 4)Steady(ish) Financial Situation. Wouldn't you know it I got all that. Not in the way or timing I had anticipated, but here it all is. I've been walking around all glow-y and happy for a few weeks. Hurray us! Things are good.

Then I start to feel the stillness. I am very happy. I have few regrets these days. I just feel less productive without long term goals. I'm used to the struggle. This quiet contentment is a bit like an itchy new sweater. I'm still happy don't get me wrong, but now I'm antsy. I have short term goals like learning to use my sewing machine and ditching the crutches but I've had my eye on the prize in the distance so long it's strange.

There's no more "almost there" we're here. I'm quite happy being a stay at home mom now that I've gotten over it not being my choice and I can see getting back to work in the not so distant future as a reality. There's always room for improvement, goals to meet and projects, but there aren't anymore major milestones looming. I'm a grown-up, married, mother of two. Now all the milestones will belong to the kids.

I'm not complaining either, I'm quite content with that idea. Darn it. It's just not what I'm used to. I've been fighting so hard for so long that when there's stillness I feel guilty that I'm not doing more. I'm trying to be more in moment and push myself less. I may even get used to it...

A Time to Lean

My wheelchair has been in need of new tires since February. It just seemed like something that could wait until after the wedding. I got through everything on bald tires and then gave up on using the chair. I liked that I didn't have the choice, but I've wanted to sit lately. On the other hand I should be able do to everything I did pre-surgery without compliant, right? It's been five months.

I'm healed enough to get around, but not to abandon using the wheelchair inside the house occasionally. I haven't been using it. I haven't been resting at all. I have been attempting to use one cructh or use the furniture to hobble around a lot more. Today Riley handed me a crutch and said "Here Mommy. There's your crutches. You use them so you don't say ouch. Hold the handles." My little helper. She's probably right. Maybe I should use them both more often. Maybe I'm pushing too hard.

PS: I pulled a tendon in my hip

Eggs To Dye For

Egg dying is a big deal in our house. Mike and I love to dye eggs. We'd probably do it even if we didn't have kids. We always use whisks to hold the eggs. This year I put an apron on each kids. In past years we've taped newspaper or even thrown a tarp over the table. This year I just scooted over the tablecloth and let it ride. Probably a poor choice. We never buy egg dying kits. We use food coloring, most boxes have instructions. It's pretty much the same vinegar and boiling water and a few drops of color. We always use coffee mugs. Those stupid plastic cups they sell in the kits always tip over.

A few years ago we discovered food markers at Joann's. They're great for Easter eggs. They're just food coloring in marker form. Riley's using on in the picture. We used crayons to make the dye resist sometimes. This year we did a few where we dipped the egg in a lighter color first. Then cut shapes out of tape, stuck them to the eggs, washed them in water and vinegar and then dipped them in a darker color.

We've done some lightly cracked because they make a neat design (and very festive egg salad). A few years back we discovered a technique where you add a little dish soap to the dye and blow bubbles with a straw. It make a cool speckley effect like a dinosaur egg. This year we couldn't seem to get that to work. We did try a new technique where you roll the egg in dye and olive oil for a marbled effect. We also make splatters by dripping a bit of food coloring onto an egg and then blowing on it.

The Stages of Napping

Denial

No, Mommy it's not nap time it's play time.

Anger

No! I don't waaaaaaaant a NAP! I don't want, I don't want, I don't want...

Bargaining

I sorry, Mommy. Five more minutes? I'll be nice. I won't do a fit again.

Depression

(Weeping)I doooon't want. a. nap. Nooooooo nap.

Acceptence

Night, night Mama. I wuv you too.

Some Days Are Unexpected Treasures

After my last post I didn't want anyone to think I gave up on life. Things got crazy with Easter. We had a lovely time and I'm sure I'll get a post up about it soon. Riley goes to "school" Monday, Wednesday and Friday. I made up a song about her schedule for her it goes like this:
Today is Monday. It's a school day. So, let's go there right away.
Tuesday's a home day, Yay, Yay Yay.
Wednesday we go back to play.
Thursday with Mommy.
Friday's fun then our week is almost done!
It was a pretty big hit. Monday I stayed to volunteer most of the morning with the kids. Than after nap Mrs. D texted that she'd written a blog about the morning. It seemed funny to me because nothing had really happened, but her post was all about what a lovely morning it had been and how happy she was. I certainly agreed that it was nice to have chaos of the holiday over with.

Today though I totally got it. I woke Riley up and got her dressed. I enjoyed having a leisurely breakfast with her. I had a doctor's appointment at 10am so we didn't need to rush. We had a lovely talk and sang together on the car ride. We picked up my mom because I assumed the Ortho would want hip X-rays and someone would need to wait with Riley.

I brought her Color Me a Song toy for the waiting room. She drew me some sunshine. It turned out to be a brief wait and a brief appointment. Riley was very good. The nurse gave her a pink lollipop, Easter stickers and a teddy bear sticker. They love Riley there. Who wouldn't? After we were done I decided we should go get a happy meal for my good girl.

We went back to grandma's to eat our lunch and watch a little PBS, Super Why I think. It was very pleasant. Then we had an equally lovely chat on the way home. We talked about how she'd go on a big airplane soon. She declared it would be a "biiiiiiig pink plane!". She has a pink Little People airplane toy. This made me laugh quite a bit. We read Clifford's Manners before nap. She was really impressed so we read it three times (normally two is the limit).

I'm hazy on the details post nap, but she was just "so Riley." It was a real pleasure to be around her. She had a good snack and then colored some pretty pictures. We watched Alice in Wonderland. Isaac had a good day at school. I gave him a fresh behavior chart and new copy of the rules for his door. He's been stepping up so far this week. Then I got Riley dressed for the long awaited return to dance class.

She did great. She had a bad fall during frog jumps that caused a serious bloody nose. After some ice and rocking she was rearing to go. What a tough cookie. She finished out class and earned a princess sticker. It was just a really amazingly pleasant day. Scary bloody faced toddler injury aside. She's fine now by the way.

Some Days Are Just Fails

For all my independence, perseverance and positive attitude some days just stink. Today, I loaded Riley up and headed off to get my post honeymoon haircut. Traditionally, I don't bring her to the salon because I'm there for hours. Today I was just getting a cut and her presence was requested. It started with the parking space.

There's a disabled space next to the door, but it was taken. In all the years I've been coming to this salon I've never had to park farther then the third space from the door. I ended up on the other side of the parking lot today. I had myself, Riley, Riley's cup, Riley's snack, Riley's baby doll, my laptop (to show them wedding pictures) and my purse. My hands were full of crutches and I stupidly forgot my tote bag. I usually keep one in the car for these occasions. Now I had a bit of a hike to undertake with all this stuff.

My first thought was to make two trips. This was a great thought. I've decided as a disabled mom that if it occurs to me to take two trips, that is always the right answer. Alas, I didn't today. I unbuckled Riley and handed her her cup and snack. I grabbed my crutches looped my purse across my chest, tucked my computer under my arm and bit the dolly's arm so I could step up the curb.

I was so proud of myself. I'd done it. All I had to do was step up on that curb. Gravity and I (being lifelong enemies) had another spat just then. My laptop took flight shattering dramatically into pieces. I fell backwards onto my crutches. There I was, pinned. The weight of my own body had trapped me. I couldn't pull my arms from the crutches or pull the crutches out from under me. My first thought was that I couldn't scare Riley. "Stay on the curb, baby" I managed with the little bit of breath that hadn't been knocked out of me in the fall. I was hyper aware of my awkward position, but it took a few seconds to think of what to do.

There was an older gentlemen there all the sudden. He was wonderful, I have to say. In the past people have made a HUGE deal or grabbed me and tossed me to my feet without warning. He said in a very even tone "Are you alright? What can I do." I asked him to stay with Riley. Bless her sweet like heart, she had stepped down off the curb and was stroking my hair calmly asking “Are you ok Mommy?” Then I gritted my teeth and rolled over. I got off my crutches and handed him one. By the time I was standing again there was a crowd.

Bloody rubberneckers! Gawking and useless. I had a lot of adrenaline pumping through me so I couldn't feel much pain yet. I thanked the man who proceeded to disappear very respectfully while the old ladies stared open mouthed as if I had two heads. An employee of the salon scooped up my laptop parts and walked with me. Once inside she handed me a wet towel. I was so concerned about not scaring Riley (who's only witnessed mommy having a big fall once before) I hadn't noticed I was bleeding.

Once I was wiped off and bandaid-ed and Riley was happily playing all I could think was, "I'm an idiot! I smashed my laptop. Why didn't I make two trips?" Turns out only the battery flew off and one hinge so it was still functional enough to show wedding pictures. Haircut managed the owner herself escorted us to the car. Mental note: It's ok to ask for help.

By the time I got home I was hurting. Imagine a hard fall causing all of your muscles to tighten into metal, it's rough. I had a badly skinned elbow, a skinned knee and a horribly bruised wrist. By the time I put Riley down for nap all the adrenaline was gone and the back spasms started. I took Advil and laid down. I needed to keep going because Tuesday is dance class and Riley missed two in a row with the wedding.

I felt better after the nap, but not good. I got Riley fed and in her dance clothes. She was just bouncing off the walls with excitement. I decided to take her to the library to kill time before class. She potty-ed about 45 seconds before we walked out the door. I was hurting too much to try and load and unload the wheelchair so I walked.

We had picked our books, colored a picture and were headed to check out when it happened. Riley has never been anything but good at the library, ever. We go to the library between twice a month and once a week. She told me she had to potty. I hurried over to set our books down so we could use the bathroom. She had started to fuss behind me but my back was turned for a moment. It was the mom behind me who said (in a non-judgmental way, bless her) "um, she's naked." and then "can I help?". Riley screamed when the stranger approached, I really can't fault her for that. She'd never stripped in public before and just like my slow reaction time after the fall I wasn't immediately sure what to do.

I pulled her clothes (leotard and pants) back on while she fought me and screamed. Then I grabbed her hand and started leading her to the bathroom. It seems awful now, but I told her in a stern tone that if she didn't stop crying and pulling against me I wouldn't take her to dance class. Once we were in the bathroom it all made sense. There was a small bit of icky-ness in her panties. She'd been at the tail end of a cold. It happens, but it really scared her. No wonder she was crying and stripping. Poor kid. We're so far past the accident days I didn't have spares with me so I cleaned her up and told her she had to wear the yucky clothes for just a little bit.

The library's close so we got her home and changed, but not before the wrestling match of the century getting her into her car seat. I felt like the worst mother in the world. She kept saying "No Mommy please! I'm too poopy. Please." Ugh. Once she was happily playing for a few minutes I had a cry because I won't ever be able to pick her up and run to the potty. Poor girl. To add insult to injury there was no way I could take her to dance class with her tummy giving her trouble. She was so sad.

I guess we'll have to resume conquering the world tomorrow.